Chapter 9

World’s worst therapist

-Horatio-

Taking a deep breath, I knock on Xabien’s office door. It opens a moment later, and Myles waves at me with a big grin as he says goodbye, leaving me alone with the alpha. “Rat, it’s nice to see you again,” Xabien says, looking happier than when I visited him the other day.

Closing the door after me, I fiddle with the door handle behind my back. “I just wanted to say that we should talk. So, um. Come find me once you’re done with your work for today, I’ll be with my family,” I say, before turning on my heel and immediately leaving, without giving him a chance to reply.

That shouldn’t have been as scary as it was, it’s not like he knows what I’m going to say to him later, it’s just…this talk will determine whether we can mate or not. Depending on what he says, I’ll have to make a decision about it today.

Making my way to the pack therapist- yes, this pack even has one of those, I wait outside the door dutifully. It was suggested to my mother that we all pay the therapist at least one visit, and since I’m free right now, I decide to give it a try.

When it’s finally my turn, I slip through the door to see an elderly man with glasses perched on the end of his nose. “You must be Horatio,” he says kindly, gesturing to a seat for me to take.

We talk for a little bit about what’s been troubling me, and I decide to say it as it is. “I keep having nightmares from when my father was killed,” I explain, fiddling with a strand of my hair. The man, Reynold, suddenly turns his gaze harsh.

“That’s right, you’re one of those new rogues aren’t you?” The kind and non-judgemental look in his eyes is gone, replaced with those of a cold critic. Nodding slowly, I watch as his stare bores into me.

“Hm. So tell me about this memory then,” he says, and nowhere near as kindly as he had been speaking before. Suddenly, I don’t feel that this is a safe space anymore, and I don’t want to be anywhere near this cold man.

“Go on, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong, boy.” Swallowing thickly, I cross my arms over my chest, hugging them to me.

“I uh- he was trying to protect me,” I say quietly, not daring to look at the man. “He was standing in front of me when that alpha attacked. Karn he- he knocked my dad over with one hit. I was…stuck underneath my dad,” I say slowly, letting my memories play out the all too familiar scene.

“Karn then…kept slashing at my dad…he was laughing insanely as he killed him and I couldn’t- I couldn’t get out. I was stuck watching,” I whisper, the sound of claws ripping through my dad whilst he howled in pain will forever be etched into my memory.

And Karn’s laugh. It haunts me, the way he way he found it so amusing that my father was in so much pain.

“Well, that sounds unpleasant, but you are a rogue, so I’m not sure what you expected from choosing a life like that.”

I snap my head up to stare at this man- did he just- “are you saying my dad, who never hurt a single soul, deserved what happened to him?” Reynold only shrugs, pushing his glasses up his nose slightly.

“Well, if you didn’t want that to happen, you shouldn’t have run away from your pack, who could protect you.”

I stand up quickly; I refuse to listen to this any longer. Stopping at the door, I turn back to him. “How dare you say I chose to be a rogue; that my parents chose this life. They were chased for twenty-six years by a crazy alpha who wanted to kill them and force my mother to mate him. You say we chose this life, that my father got what was expected from leaving the pack- no. My family’s life was ruined by a single man; don’t ever say that we deserved any of this.”

Yanking the door open, I almost walk right into a wolf- shit, it’s fucking Myles’s mate, the one who was instantly terrified of me. I try to side-step around him, but to my surprise, Caro grabs my arm and pulls me all the way outside, where he leads me to a bench, and sits me down on it.

He then proceeds to sit next to me, although the unease is practically palpable as he does so. I only stare at the wolf, waiting for him to explain why he did that. “Um…I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening in, but I was there to talk to Reynold and I didn’t realise he had an appointment, and I sort of…heard what you were talking about,” he says apologetically, and I shrug.

“It’s fine,” I say, leaving it at that, not entirely sure what this guy wants to talk about. “Well, you see,” he starts, removing his hands from his pockets and clasping them together. “I’m training to be a therapist. Reynold gives me people to- not practice with, but, um, try my skills with? It’s like the last thing I need to do before I get my actual qualification; I have to actually do therapy.”

I stare at him, before he gets visibly uneasy from the attention, so I move my focus to the tree next to him instead. “Um…good luck, I guess?” I say awkwardly; I still have no idea what this guy wants.

Sighing, Caro finally meets my eyes. “I’m trying to say that if you want, I can be your therapist, instead of Reynold. He isn’t normally so judgemental, but um…that’s like one of the worst things to do in therapy, so. I thought the chances of you going back to him were very slim, so maybe…I could help instead.”

I think about it for a moment, and decide to just say my thoughts out loud. “I thought you hated me though? Because I’m a rogue; which, I get, I hate alphas on principle. Why would you want to help me?”

Caro grimaces, threading his fingers together. “Well, I don’t want to hate someone who hasn’t done anything wrong, just because of what they are. You don’t have a pack, but you’re hardly a rogue. They are wolves who don’t deserve packs, but you- you’re someone who wasn’t given the option of a pack,” he says gently, holding my gaze.

I stare at him, running a hand through my hair. “Can I…think about this?” Caro nods immediately, smiling kindly. “Of course! Um, this is my phone number- oh hang on, I don’t even know if you have a phone,” he says sheepishly, going a little pink with embarrassment.

Shrugging, I pick at a loose thread on my shirt. “I don’t, it’s not like I could read anything someone sent me anyway,” I say frustratedly, and thankfully Caro doesn’t comment on how I can’t do something as simple as read.

“Alright, well…um, you know Myles right? Just ask him to take you to me, I’ll let him know beforehand,” he says kindly, standing up from the bench. Smiling somewhat awkwardly, I nod. “Thanks, um, Caro?” I say, hoping I got his name right.

He laughs gently, nodding. “And you’re um, Rat?” He asks, probably worried about accidentally offending me if that isn’t in fact my name. I nod, smiling a little bit. “Yeah, um, Horatio technically.” Caro smiles, looking a lot less afraid of me.

“Cool! Well, Horatio, I hope to see you soon!” He says brightly, waving as he heads back inside the pack house. Sighing, I glance round the clearing. Mum said their old pack was a literal cave, and that a mansion in the woods is much better already, although some prefer the traditional ways of life. I think I’d be happy wherever my family is…and I think that includes Xabien now too.