Chapter 10

Afraid of the answer

-Caro-

As soon as I make it back inside the packhouse my heart begins thudding- I can’t believe I just offered to give a rogue therapy! To be honest though, I got so angry when I heard what Reynold said to him. This guy shared something traumatic with someone who was supposed to support and help him through it, and Reynold effectively told him he deserved it.

If someone said that to me, I probably would’ve jumped off a cliff. I know Atticus was terrified of being told that too.

Making my way back to my room, I jump on my bed, shoving my face in my pillow and groaning. I hear the door open, and my favourite scent trickles into the room. Sitting up, I beam at my mate. “Hey my love,” he says gently, stroking my cheek as I cuddle up to him.

“Hey babe, you’re not going to believe what just happened,” I tell him excitedly. Myles raises an eyebrow, nodding enthusiastically. “Actually, there’s something I wanted to tell you too, because Xabien said I could.”

Xabien is like a big brother to me, so I immediately want to hear whatever news he has. “Ooh you first, I’m intrigued now,” I tell Myles, climbing into his lap for more cuddles. “Well, he um, he told me the other day that he found his mate!”

I squeal, slapping Myles’s leg gently. “Oh my- really?! That’s so great! Who is it? Do I know them? Do you know them?” Myles’s smile falters slightly, and he bites his lip.

“I’m getting to know them, although we haven’t really talked since I found out. Um, you have technically met, but it wasn’t the best experience,” he says awkwardly, and I raise an eyebrow. “Just tell me who it is, I’m going to explode with curiosity otherwise,” I say with a laugh.

“Well…remember that rogue from the other day? Um, Rat? Well, Xabien told me he heard the name Horatio in his mate dream, and I didn’t get it for ages, but that’s um, Rat’s actual name,” he says, whilst I stare stupefied at him.

Myles looks at me, not sure what kind of reaction I’m having, but all I can think about is how Horatio clearly said he has a bias against alphas, and, well…Xabien is obviously an alpha.

“Earth to Caro? Everything ok in there?” He asks gently, and I nod. “Are they going to actually mate? You know as well as I do about Horatio’s dislike of alphas.” Myles looks confused for a moment, and I decide to clarify from my end.

“Well, my news was going to be that I offered a certain rogue my therapy services after Reynold was so judgemental towards him.” Now it’s my mate’s time to look stupefied, and in the end he just squeals and hugs me.

“Oh, but I think they’ll be fine,” Myles says after a while, stroking my fur once I’d decided to shift into my wolf form; a dark brown blob on the end of the bed. I lick my mate’s hand, waiting for him to continue. “Xabien told me some things, and Rat keeps going to visit him in the office, and he looks way happier than when he first arrived- although, that could be to do with the fact that he was half blind and clinging to life, whereas now he can actually see and is nice and healthy,” Myles muses. My heart hurts for Horatio at that.

I hope that Horatio mates with Xabien; I think this alpha could be the perfect one to help him overcome his hatred for alphas, and learn to love one instead.

—————

-Xabien-

The annoying thing is, if Rat hadn’t said to come find him after I’d finished my work, I wouldn’t have been so distracted thinking about what he wanted to talk about, and I could’ve finished way earlier.

On the other hand, if Rat hadn’t visited me, I wouldn’t have been working as hard in order to go see him. But none of that matters anymore, because I’m finally done. Leaping up from my seat, anxiety suddenly floods my system.

Today was the first time I’ve seen Rat and he hasn’t touched or kissed me. What if…what if he wants to tell me that he’s decided he hates alphas too much? I freeze at the door, trying to reason with myself. If this is what he wants, then it’s for the best. I’ll quite literally be heartbroken, but, I always promised I’d let him decide, and respect that decision. I can’t ignore this.

Stepping out of my office, I close my eyes, letting my nose lead me to my mate. I can feel his emotions a little bit, and although he normally keeps his completely unreadable, I felt a flash of anger and hurt earlier, a little while after he left the office.

Did something happen? Is he ok?

Knocking on the door to Harriet and Harli’s room, I wait anxiously until Harli opens the door, midway through a laugh. “Oh, Xabien! It’s nice to see you,” she says friendlily, her slightly wavy black hair flowing around just above her shoulders.

“Hey Harli, I was uh, wondering if Rat is in there?” I know he is, based on his scent, and the fact that his heart rate went up when Harli opened the door and revealed me. She nods, gesturing for Rat to come greet me.

We smile awkwardly at each other for a moment, before Rat steps out of the room, waving goodbye to his sister and mother. “Right. So, um, let’s just pop into my room for a uh, quick chat?” He says, or asks, I can’t quite tell which.

Nodding gravely, I follow him into his room, where he sits on the bed and offers me the chair in the corner of the room. We’re far away from each other; too far for this to be anything remotely good.

Swallowing thickly, I smile awkwardly at him. “So, what did you uh, want to talk about?” I ask, anxiety gnawing at my stomach and trying desperately to drag the smile off my face.

Rat stares at the sheets in front of him, not even daring to make eye contact. “I um, I’ve thought about it- about us, a lot. And I think there’s some things I should just…make clear on my end, before we actually decide.”

I nod, knowing that both of us know that when he says ‘we’ he means himself; it’s so clear that I want him, and it’s up to him to decide if he wants me too. Rat groans, covering his face with his hands.

“Xabi you sound so sad, I’m not- I’m not rejecting you right now, I just want to talk, ok?” He says, but it doesn’t help to lift my anxiety much. Well, him calling me Xabi does help somewhat. “I haven’t said anything, maybe you’re reading my emotions wrong,” I say, not like he can literally feel my emotions or whatever.

Rat snorts, removing his hands from his face. “Yeah, well I don’t need to be able to feel your emotions to know how sad you are, it’s like imprinted on your face,” he says, and I immediately cover my face with my hands. “Better?”

He laughs gently, and I desperately want to hold him, but I know I can’t. I have to wait and listen to him first. I need to let him tell me what he wants, and how he feels.