Chapter 16

Emotions conveyed

-Xabien-

It’s not like this changes much about our current situation, but Rat can’t become my luna. Not that we’ve even talked about that- oh my God. Does he even know what a luna is?

We’re the first pack he’s come across, and my mother is still technically acting as luna, but she doesn’t really have to do much, because I’ve essentially been doing both roles since my father retired, meaning that Rat probably doesn’t know the role even exists.

“Son? Are you alright? You’re looking a little pale?”

Snapping my attention back to my parents, I shake my head. “I completely forgot that’s a thing which happens. I have to go; I need to ask him about this,” I say quietly, rushing back upstairs.

Pulling my bedroom door open, Rat turns around to look at me. “Hey Xabi- I thought you were getting breakfast?” He asks with a raised eyebrow. “Oh. I forgot,” I say truthfully, before taking his hands and leading him over to sit on the bed.

“Rat, we need to talk about something,” I begin, until Rat looks devastated. “Rat? Babe, what’s wrong?” I ask, pulling him to me for a hug.

He takes a handful of my shirt, pressing his face into my neck. “I knew this would happen- you wish you hadn’t mated with me, and realised that I’m just a rogue with nothing after all,” he whispers, and my heart breaks a little.

“Sweetheart that’s not it at all, I still like you as much as I did yesterday, if not more so now,” I say gently, pulling him back from me and stroking his cheek. He looks ready to cry, so I know this is serious. It takes a lot for Rat to cry.

“Rat, I still want to be your mate, and I want you to be mine,” I say softly, pressing lightly on the mate mark I bit on the left side of his neck. He glances up at me, chewing on his lip anxiously. “Really? Because I thought you went downstairs, had to face your pack and realised you made a terrible decision,” he says quietly.

“Do you think it was a terrible decision?” I whisper, afraid of his answer. My mate strokes my jaw gently, before kissing my lips softly. “If it was a terrible decision, I’d make it a thousand times more.”

I hide my smile in the kiss, holding my greatest treasure to me closely. “Only a thousand? Because I’m pretty sure in our lifetime we’ll make that certain terrible decision more than a thousand times,” I say with an eyebrow wiggle, expecting Rat to get embarrassed or something.

But, I forgot that he always outdoes me.

Leaning forward, he kisses my temple before whispering in my ear “the more times, the better” with a cheeky grin. Goddammit. Now I’m the one getting hot and bothered, instead of him.

Horatio rests his head on my shoulder, kissing my neck occasionally, in a way that is intimate, but not sexual.

“So…what did you actually want to talk about?” He reminds me, and I let out a little ‘oh’.

“Um…so…I sort of told my parents that I mated last night…because they sort of…heard us…or specifically, they heard…you,” I say awkwardly, but again Rat just smirks. “Wow, lucky them. There I was, thinking you’d be the only one to hear all those fun sounds you had me making, but apparently your lovely parents got an earful too.”

I snort, trying to ignore how my memory helpfully replays in my head said fun sounds. “Yes, well. My parents were happy for me of course, but…I completely forgot to mention to you about…the luna stuff.”

I hold my breath, waiting to see if Rat even knows what a luna is. To my relief, he does. “Oh- yeah, I guess normally an alpha’s mate takes that role, huh. I guess I can’t? Because I’m not technically in existence?”

I laugh again, hugging him more closely to me. “I mean…you’d have to be officially recognised as a wolf first, then a rogue, and then be recognised as part of our pack, and then you could be luna. So, a bit of a long process for right now, I’ll admit,” I explain, and Rat nods.

“Yeah, I mean, I don’t even know how long I’m planning on staying here anyway.”

It’s like I was standing on a frozen lake, and suddenly the ice cracked, and now I’m drowning amidst the frozen waters.

“You- you’re not going to stay?” I ask quietly, my breath hitching. My mate is silent for a moment, before he sighs. “I don’t know. I want to, I really do,” he quickly assures me, but I know he isn’t done explaining himself.

“It’s just…I’ve spent my whole life on the move. I know mum and Harli are already finding it hard, like there’s this itch beneath the skin, telling them to move on.”

I don’t know what to say, so I say nothing at all.

Rat turns to look at me, combing his fingers through my hair. “Babe, I’m not about to leave. I can literally feel how sad you are right now, and I can promise you that I’m not going to just randomly leave. Not ever, and especially not now. I’m just saying that mum and Harli might need to move elsewhere. It’ll go against my instincts, but I want to stay here. I want to stay with you,” he says, full of affection.

I sigh a little, scenting him to calm myself, before a thought occurs to me. “By move on, does it have to be- could they live with us for a bit, and then move to a different pack, and then come back here?” I ask, an idea already blooming in my mind.

Rat thinks for a moment, before shrugging. “Maybe? I mean, it’s kind of like…this feeling that something terrible will happen, unless we keep on the move. I guess it doesn’t really matter where that move to and from is though.”

I sigh gratefully, leaning my head against Horatio’s. “Well, I know a lovely pack, who might be willing to let them stay there when they’re not here.” Rat nods after a moment, untangling himself from me and placing a warm kiss to my lips.

“That might work, until they get used to staying in one place, and can actually settle down. My mum’s always wanted to settle down, she just hasn’t had the chance.”

Smiling, I lace my fingers with his. “You talk to them, I’ll talk to this pack, and see if we can work something out. And, you’re welcome to go with them. I don’t want to keep you here if it makes you uncomfortable,” I say honestly, although it does send a twinge of pain down my heart at the same time as I say it.

“Thank you, Xabi. I’ll think about it. But, I really do want to try staying here. I want to get to know your family, and make friends with Caro and Myles, and actually…have a life, for once,” he says with a laugh, before smiling affectionately at me.

“I want to have a life I want, and you’re definitely a part of it.”

That’s it. I can’t contain my feelings for him if he’s going to say something adorable like that. So, I try my best to hold back, but in the end just grab him and pin him in my lap as I smother his face with kisses.

I’m pretty sure I got across how I feel.