I’m in my studio apartment. The light is faint grey shining from the loosely covered windows and the baby blue walls make my environment comfortably cold. I’m high as a kite laying on my side facing the window by the driveway. I push my feet down on the cool sheet, my bed is soft. I’m not someone who loses all of my senses when I’m high. I just manage the anxiety and depression that way. I’m still me. I still feel like me, but I have few reasons to say anything at all. My head is always busy.
I’m blank today though. I don’t know what I should do. I know and understand what happened, but why didn’t I see this coming. Usually, I’m more meticulous, but have I lost my touch? I’ve been here before, so I should know what it looks like. Why did he think that was ok? I told him no. I told him that were just friends and I already have someone I care for. Why didn’t he bother to listen or care?
They never listen when you say no. They find an opening and strike without faltering. It doesn’t matter what happens next so long as they get what they want... Is that why I’m like this here right now? Do I look like someone whose easy or beneficial to him? Well, he works at a gas station and lives with his mother.... He owes someone money, so I guess anything is better than what he’s living now. Maybe I allowed that to happen because I have feelings for him? NO! I told him no! I have someone I love and he ignored that to take advantage of me.
He didn’t even care when I fought to get to my front door. He just grabbed me and held me to the floor. He didn’t care when I punched him in the face as he stripped my clothes off. He laughed...He thought I was playing hard to get. How crazy is this guy? I should have known I couldn’t be friends again with someone I knew years ago. I should have stayed with my uncle and his girlfriend. I shouldn’t have been so laid back about who my friends are.
This will ruin everything for me. At least he had the decency to use a condom. Was that why he wanted to stop home? Did he plan this from the moment he asked to smoke with me? Now he’s acting like we’re together... What do I do? Just act with him.... Get yourself through this and I can drop him off and never return to this again. Take this with me to the grave. I won't tell anyone if I don’t have to, but how am I going to face Mitchell? I’ll just have to act like this never happened.
Why is this guy texting me? Hasn’t he got enough?! I’m not even sure what he’s capable of...Maybe I should continue to play along and figure out a gentle way to get out of this. He wants to hang out again.... I don’t think so. I told you I have a boyfriend and I never wanted to do that with you, why won't you listen?! Maniac... He really takes pride in that nick name. It fits him. He’s just a scummy little rat who’ll follow anyone willing to feed him attention.
What was the reason we quit being friends before? It’s been so many years I can’t even remember. I wonder if Paige would remember...It's been years since I talked to her. Maybe I should forgive her.... I’m not so sure about that. I need someone who understands me though. What do I do with all of this emotion? Why did he have to do this to me? I want to beat him!
You didn’t respect me at all and we were never once friends! You took advantage of me and laughed about it, then you acted like I was the one who suggested it. Why would anyone do that? Great, I work with his mother, too. I hope I don’t have to see him after I break it off. Forget about it for now, I guess that’s all I can do anyways. I’ll text him back and break it off bit by bit. I don’t see why I have to do this since I told him no.
Is he brain damaged? Fuck it! It’s been like two weeks since he did that to me and he’s not getting the hint. I’ll put a stop to it now. Right now! It’s been so hard to keep it from Mitchell. I’ve got no one who will understand. I did it. I told Zech I was done. Hmmm... Why is he so upset about it? Is he worried I’ll talk about what he did to me? No one would ever believe me anyways. No one ever believes anything like this. Last time it happened I was the one who seduced him and they thought it was fine... I was 16 and they didn’t believe me then.
I’m such a pushover, but I’m done with that! I’ll block Zech and move on. I’ll be with Mitchell all weekend, so I hope I can ease out of this foul mood. Finally! It’s been days, but I haven’t heard from Zech and it’s been wonderful! I think it’s finally over. I think I can forget about what he did and how he trapped me. I’m so relieved now...
“Hey, Emry, so I just got a message from someone named Zech and he says you’ve been dating him and sleeping with him...” Mitchell muttered while his body trembled from anger and adrenaline.
“What?” my heart dropped with shock. What do I do?
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