Everyone goes through life differently. We all say this, but do we apply this? I pray that you readers do.

I want to introduce you to my friends closer, to show you what they do to me on a near daily basis. First up, Anxiety. Social Anxiety and General Anxiety.

Now, Anxiety is normal, it’s part of who we are as humans. Feeling nervous or anticipating something are normal. Even being worried about a big assignment or stressing about a date. These things are things most humans experience. But this isn’t what I’m talking about.

I’ve always worried what people thought of me. A while ago, we went through our basement and found some books from kindergarten. In the first page I said I was worried if I was going to make any friends. It’s always been a fear of mine.

My anxiety is a disorder because it affects my life. While some may be nervous about a presentation, I get myself so worked out I can hyperventilate and even pass out. I over Analize, thinking about what I’m going to say, what people will think about me, if I’m right. I worry about what they will say in their heads as I stand in front of the class.

This overthinking turns to fear, to pure fear. In my head, everyone can see everything wrong with me, down to the nailbeds. This actually affects my body.

I get tons of energy, shaking my leg, clenching my hands, jerking around, never being able to look at one thing. I rock back and forth, I scratch at my skin, I pick at my face or nails. I can’t do anything but worry.

After this point, it can go one of two ways. I can calm down or go into an Anxiety attack. On a good day, I realize I’m anxious, put on some music and try to ignore all the thoughts in my head. I convince myself that this is okay and I’ll get through it.

On the other side, it’s dangerous.

I once was in a car accident, 11 at night and it was shortly after I started driving. Some guy ran into me, pushing me into the intersection.

Thankfully, the light turned green and I was able to pull to the side of the road. Then I watched as he drove by, leaving me completely alone.

Now, I had had a bad day, so I was already stressed. But now I was all alone, who knows how damaged the car is and I’m miles away from home. I panicked.

These attacks are horrible. It starts with my hands or feet, that tingly feeling from when your legs fall asleep. But I can’t breathe and I’m no longer thinking straight. I worry about if my parents understood my text, how broken the car is, if anyone will find me. That pins and needles feeling spreads, up my legs, my arms and into my face.

Luckily, my parents found me and took me home before it got too bad. But I’ve gone to the hospital because I couldn't calm down. I’ve had my whole body freeze up from a bad dream. It will be dark; I can’t talk, I can’t move, I can’t breathe and I’m screaming in my head. I would never wish an anxiety attack on my worst enemy.

Over the years I’ve been able to deal with my anxiety. I have music to calm down, I schedule things out so I have time to calm down and I have a paper bag for when an attack hits. But my life is controlled by anxiety.

How do I look? Are they making fun of me? They all are laughing at me. They think I’m fat. They think I’m rude, or boring. They all know how messed up I am. They will all leave me.

I can’t run away from Social or General Anxiety. I’m constantly thinking my friends will get sick of me and leave. That I’ll never marry because no one can deal with me. That I’ll ruin my children and give them Anxiety too.

People may experience anxiety, they should. But when that feeling controls when you go outside, that’s not normal. Shutting yourself inside your house because no one will like you or they all hate you, that’s a disorder. And that’s how SAD and GAD are in my life.