I have many friends. Now, these people aren’t normal friends, or what other’s call normal. First, my friend, Social Anxiety Disorder, or SAD. She’s been with me since I was a child, giving advice in my ears and never leaving my side. She’s as loyal as can be; whether I want it or not.
SAD has a twin, General Anxiety Disorder. She likes to make me freak out about things, but the two are always tied together.
My next one is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder; she isn’t as prominent as SAD but OCD does like to change my life. Putting random thoughts in my head, making me do things that are pointless saying that if I don’t, I’ll die, things like that. Usually, she stays in the background.
A common one is my friend, ADHD. I get hyperactive, she likes to interrupt and I can’t focus. She’s very popular, a close friend to SAD and GAD.
Autism Spectrum Disorder is with me too, but very minor. She doesn’t like certain textures, a lot of noise, socializing, she isn’t that big in my life but ASD hangs around.
Lastly, Major Depressive Disorder. Now, she’s new. Randomly, my mood changes, I’m not entertained by the things I used to enjoy, I have no energy, things like that. MDD stays in the background, but when she steps forward with SAD and GAD, life really sucks.
Me? I’m a teenager dealing with all these disorders. In total I have six friends, I’m never alone. But, sometimes I wish they would just leave. I say things to my brother, about if what I do is weird. He almost always says he never noticed and that’s when I notice how powerful my friends are. On bad days, they rule my life, other times, they just hang around. Some days, I start out with nothing and then suddenly feel in control, I feel powerful and their voices are silenced.
I have medication, but I don’t like it. First, I’m forgetful, I can’t even do things I’ve done my whole life like writing sometimes. Even speaking can be difficult because I’m so hyperactive. Second, I hate them.
Normal people are just that, normal. They don’t have to listen to music to block out people, have fidget toys to keep you focused to take meds to make you feel alive. By doing these things, I’m telling myself and the whole world that I’m not working the way I’m supposed to. That something is wrong with me.
Of course, I don’t just tell this to people. I hide these things, saying I’m tired, I didn’t sleep well or I had caffeine. In reality, I’m controlling myself to act normal.
I don’t really know when these thoughts started, probably from SAD and GAD. It’s funny, my mom and a brother have Depression, my dad, and two of my brothers have ADHD, one also has autism, while another has GAD. Mental illness is no stranger in my family, I’ve seen it my whole life. And yet, I can’t say that I have the same.
Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself. In reading this, you’ll see my true life, how living with my friends changes my life. A quick note to remember, mental illness is different for every person. I’m putting myself out there, so don’t comment that I can’t have Autism or that I don’t really have MDD because I'm just a moody teenager.
I’m tired of hearing those words. I say something makes me anxious and people say, ‘oh, everyone gets nervous when they have to present.’ No, I mean if I do this, I will end up throwing up all over your room, talking in front of people makes me want to die. I’m not acting sad because I was rejected, I’m not pretending to have OCD to get attention. I change the volume of the music because if it isn’t an even number, I will get into a car crash and we will all die.
So, if you didn’t come here to learn, be validated or share your own experiences, I kindly ask you to leave. I don’t want people comparing their pain, we all do that already. This is for me to say what I truly feel, how minimal that is, and for others to be strengthened.
That being said, if you wish to share your story, I welcome you all. Talking it out is a blessing and we all deserve a chance.
Now, I'd like to share my life with My Friends, My Mental Illnesses.