How I wished things would go back to normal…

I was forced to sit with Deon outside at the tables during lunch. I kept my eyes at the ground, trying to ignore the laughing students around me, wishing I could be one of them. But no, my life would never be the same anymore. I wanted to hope that things would turn out all right, but after months of loneliness and ridicule, I knew it wasn’t going to happen.

“Aren’t you just a pathetic little shit,” Deon chuckled. I squeezed my hands together and kept staring at the ground, biting my lips together. “Is the crybaby going to cry? Please don’t. You look ugly enough as it is,” he kept laughing with a mocking tone.

I tried my best not to start crying. I knew it. I knew Deon wouldn’t be nice to me. He was just waiting for his turn to make my life a living hell. I had tears in my eyes, but I was too afraid to leave.

“Look at that face. Now that’s priceless,” Deon laughed and hit my arm lightly. “Did you see that?”

I looked up at him, but he wasn’t looking at me. I looked past him and saw Sean glaring at us at the other side of the yard.

“Yeah, go home and cry to your mommy,” Deon spoke, and I realized he’d been talking to Sean the entire time, even though he wasn’t close enough to hear him.

Then Deon turned to look at me, and his smile faded when he frowned. “What are you crying about? Don’t tell me you got scared of him? He’s got no guts to come near me, so your pretty ass is safe for now.”

I rushed to wipe my tears away. I didn’t know what to say to him, but luckily, he didn’t seem to expect an answer. He looked away from me and sighed.

“Now that’s fucked up,” he muttered.

I sniffed quietly before I asked, “What is?”

“Crying,” he said without looking at me.

I didn’t ask what he meant by that. I guess my tears were making him uncomfortable. I was too exhausted to care what he thought of me. If he was disgusted of me, he was more than free to leave me be. I never asked for his help; I didn’t even want his help. He was too scary to hang out with. I’d been too afraid for far too long, and I couldn’t handle being around him.

I just waited for him to strike.

“Come,” Deon said shortly and stood up.

I let out a long, silent breath before I grabbed our bags and got up from my seat. He didn’t say a word before he started walking towards the sports hall. I followed him in silence, keeping my head down and trying to ignore the mean insults of other students.

Once we were behind the sports hall, and no one could see us, Deon grabbed his pack of smokes and lit one. He leaned against the wall and turned to look at me.

“Want one?” he asked.

“No,” I muttered in disgust and looked away. “Smoking kills.”

“A lot of stuff kills,” Deon said with a shrug.

I closed my eyes and moved away from the smoke. I had to live in that smell at home, and I hated it. Now I had to endure it at school too.

“Why won’t you leave me alone?” I asked.

“Do you want me to?” Deon asked, sounding almost surprised. “You should be grateful.”

I opened my eyes and turned to look at him. “Because being your slave is so much fun?” I asked sarcastically.

Deon looked at me under his thick eyebrows. He looked like a predator at that moment, and I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He looked angry, but he looked angry all the time.

“Fine. But you need better running shoes,” he said and turned to look away from me.

“Why?” I asked in annoyance and dropped his backpack, ready to walk away.

“Because that’s what you’ll be doing without me. Running,” Deon spoke. “A lot.”

I glared at him for a moment. I didn’t need his help. I had my hiding places. I just had to be careful not to be seen. By anyone. Ever.

I grit my teeth together and picked up Deon’s bag, looking around the corner to see if there were any teachers around.

“This is just temporary anyway,” Deon muttered.

“How long?” I asked, trying to sound nice even though I hated him at that moment.

“A few months,” he said and dumped his smoke. “Come, we’ll be late for class.”

I stared after him. Was he really going to spend so long with me? Why? He must have been joking; he’d get bored with me in a week!

“Are you coming or not!” Deon shouted at me.

I snapped out of my wonder and ran after him.

 *****

It was harder to hate Deon when no one tried to trip me whenever I walked to class. No one shoved me around, and no one stole my things. By the end of the day, when I walked through the parking lot with Deon, I had no new bruises, and I felt better than in weeks. I was still sick, but I wasn’t coughing my lungs out.

I had to admit that a day without getting constantly bullied had been quite nice.

“I’ll take you home,” Deon said when he suddenly stopped.

“Why?” I asked hesitantly.

Deon shook his head and took a deep breath, trying his best not to call me stupid.

“Because I’m a fucking fortune-teller,” Deon grunted. “And I see a lot of pain in your near future if I don’t give you a ride.”

“What?” I repeated stupidly, and he nodded his head towards the other end of the parking lot.

I turned around and saw Sean with his friends standing by his car. They were staring at us without moving. They just stood there, watching us like hyenas watched their prey.

“Oh,” I muttered and turned to look at Deon again.

“Get in the car,” he ordered and pointed at an old, black Mustang.

The car was Deon’s baby; he treated it better than any living creature. Everyone knew that. I didn’t care much about cars, and I didn’t know anything about them, but even I had to admit that his car was awesome. It had two silver stripes painted on the hood and roof, and the interior was black with red details.

I looked at Sean one more time and then sat next to Deon. I could still see Sean behind the cars, and he had a sour expression on his face.

“Aww, he’s not happy,” Deon chuckled. “That makes me happy.”

“Why do you even care?” I asked while he backed away from the parking space.

“We go way back,” Deon said. “He thinks he’s so awesome, but if you steal his candy, he will cry like the rest of them.”

“And this time I’m the candy,” I muttered.

“Pretty much,” Deon replied.

I nodded and looked out the window. It was a sunny day, but I couldn’t see it. This day had been the best I’d had after coming out as gay. That was a sad thought. No one treated me as a person anymore, and all I was good for was carrying Deon’s bag.

I guess that was better than nothing. At least I didn’t have any new bruises.

“You know I was just joking about being a fortune-teller, right?” Deon asked with an annoyed voice.

“Yeah,” I said and turned to look at him. “Why?”

He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched his nose with a deep frown on his face. He looked like he wanted to hit me.

“Which fucking way?” he grunted with a deep sigh.

“Oh! L-Left…” I stammered and pressed my bag hard against my chest. “Left…”

Deon opened his eyes and drove off the parking lot. I bit my lower lip and hugged my bag tighter. He was getting tired of me already – I knew he was. He wouldn’t spend another day with me. I was so stupid, and he didn’t have the patience to hang out with someone like me.

I was so deep in my miserable thoughts that I missed an intersection. It was almost a mile later when I realized my mistake.

“It’s… I…” I stuttered. “I…”

“What?” Deon spoke angrily behind his gritted teeth.

“I missed one…” I stuttered, almost panicking. “But it’s all right! You can leave me here! I’ll walk… I can walk…”

Deon stopped his car at the side of the road and turned to face me. He lifted his hand up, and I was sure he was going to hit me. I flinched hard and tried to cover my head. Apparently, the day hadn’t been good for my nerves, after all. I broke down. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I hid my face behind my hands when I started sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn’t even escape; my whole body was frozen still.

“Please don’t…” I gasped, but I couldn’t continue speaking – I was shivering too hard.

“I was just going to grab my phone from the backseat,” Deon spoke with a shocked voice. “Just chill, I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Why…?” I cried. “What do you want from me?”

“I told you already,” Deon muttered. “Fuck, they messed you up pretty badly.”

I laughed at his remark. I was still crying, but I couldn’t stop laughing either. I lowered my hands, feeling ashamed, and I just kept crying and laughing.

“Okay… Why don’t you just give me your address so I can put it in my navigator?” Deon spoke calmly, and I figured he was wary of me because of my emotional breakdown.

I nodded and gave him my home address. I didn’t want to go home, but I had no other place to be, so I just sat there in silence, trying to put myself back together while he drove.