Chapter 5

So today I feel like death, which is always fun. My favourite feeling, actually. I wrote down approximately three words in my entire lecture, and one of them I clearly gave up writing halfway through, so I just have ‘remember the emp’.

Helpful.

Glad to know my university eduction is going well so far. Apparently staying up all night chatting to your virtual elf wife who is actually a real-life buff dude and then doing your assignment until 7 am and then having a class two hours later isn’t the most effective way of getting work done.

Best bit of all of this, however, is the fact that I have another assignment I have to work on today. Hence why I can’t go on the game with Beck. And why this is particularly wonderful is because I’m so fucking tired I literally fell asleep in my class, and had to be woken up by my friends, and I’m so shitting tired that I don’t have any energy to do my assignment.

“Fin, maybe you should sleep, you look so tired and it’s making all the boys laugh at you,” Miri says kindly, and I just grunt back at her. Ah yes, I have truly reached the pinnacle of human interaction. Miri just laughs, ruffling my hair before turning back to her own work.

My whole friend group takes up one of the big tables in the library, and we all sit and do our assignments in each others’ company, so we don’t die of boredom. Except, today half of they guys are just picking fun at how dumb I look, and I’m not actually doing anything.

“Hey Griff!” Someone slaps me on the back, and I groan internally. Glancing over my shoulder, I smile awkwardly at Rodger. Ah yes, Rodger. Top of his class, star student, totally gorgeous, and an absolute dickwad.

I used to have the biggest crush on him, and we were super close friends. And then, I told him how I felt, and he asked me to give him some time to think about it. So, I gave him some time. A week later, at one of our fun library study sessions, he told me, in front of all of our friends, that I just wasn’t good enough for him, and that he could do better.

Like I said, a dickwad. The fact that he still has the audacity to act all chummy with me, after being so rude, is really fucking annoying.

Rodger pulls out the chair on the other side of me, sitting himself down and placing his hand on my thigh. Ugh seriously, just leave me alone!!!! I swat his hand away, turning to Miri, who is regarding Rodger coldly.

She doesn’t like him. She was there that day; I mean, everyone was, but she’s one of the actually nice people in the friend group.

“Aw come on Griff, I’m just being friendly, no need to be so cold to me. We used to be so close, what went wrong? You going through a moody phase?” He asks, clamping his hand down on my shoulder.

I’m about to tell him that he’s the reason everything got fucked, but luckily, Miri does it for me. “Hey Rodger, you publicly humiliated Griffin. Forget about that? Also, he clearly is uncomfortable with how you keep touching him, so piss off, m’kay?”

I grin tiredly at her, always thankful for her presence. Rodger huffs, but finally leaves me alone, seemingly focusing on his own work. My phone pings gently, and I pull it out of my pocket as I grab my pen, attempting to start on my assignment. As soon as I see the name, I feel my face heat up slightly.

Rebecca🌸: Good luck on your assignment! Remember to take breaks; you got this!

Shit me. Shitting shitty shit. Fuckedy fuck. I hide my face in my hands, trying to cover my sleepy smile, but Miri still sees it, sending me a curious look. I ignore her, deciding I should at least text Beck back, thanking him.

Griffin🦅: thanks

And then I delete it. That feels so dull and boring, especially after he clearly put effort into his message. Instead, I chew on my lip for a moment, before deciding on something which will keep the conversation going.

Griffin🦅: thanks :)

Griffin🦅: what’re you doing atm?

Letting out a little sigh once I’ve sent the message, I feel very proud of myself for actually interacting with Beck. I mean, we’re going on a date at some point, which I’ll admit, I’m pretty excited for.

Only, there’s something I’m not entirely sure how to broach the subject of. It worked when we hung out before, just messaging each other, and whenever we talk in the game it’s over a typed chat anyway.

But, will it feel awkward for him, if I’m talking, and he’s having to type all the time? And what if I ask him a complicated question and he feels bad for taking a long time typing? Like, I don’t really mind the fact that he’ll have to type, it literally worked fine the other day, so there’s no reason it won’t this time too.

Does he use sign language? I don’t want to ask, that feels insensitive, but I really don’t know how to go about this. I want to make sure he’s comfortable, without accidentally being insensitive. He hasn’t mentioned his mutism since the first time, and I’m not going to ask about it.

Sure, I’m curious, but what I think about him being mute doesn’t matter, it’s literally whatever. I don’t want him to feel like he has to tell me anything, and I want to make sure that when we go on this date, it’s an equally nice experience for us both. I don’t want him being uncomfortable.

So, I’ll just not mention it. I feel like for now, I’ll just let him take the lead, and then if we keep seeing each other, I’ll ask him if there’s anything I can do to help, like maybe learning sign- woah woah woah, getting ahead of yourself there Griffin!

He’ll probably go on one date with me and realise what a loser I am, and decide he never wants to talk to me again. Well, I hope not, because I get on great with Rebecca, and Beck is a sweet guy. Still though, I need to take things one step at a time, rather than thinking that going on a date with Beck means we’ll get married in the future.

Of course that’s not going to happen.