Chapter 14

It feels weird to play video games again after I haven’t in quite a while. I got a new mouse which looks super weird but it also puts my wrist at a different angle, making it less painful for me. It’s got all the buttons on the side, rather than on the top, and instead of placing my hand over it, I have my hand at a sideways angle to use it.

Rebecca and I trawl through some dungeons for about two hours, before my wrist starts to ache a bit more than usual.

“Sorry, I’m gonna have to go now. Are you around if we keep texting though?” I ask, playing with my real-life hair whilst my game character sweeps his long white locks behind him. “Oh n-no worries, it was great to play with you again! And y-yes, I’d like that,” Rebecca replies enthusiastically, fiddling with the staff in her hands.

Waving goodbye, I log off and go get the ice pack from my mini freezer. Wrapping it in a thin towel, I drape it over my wrist, letting it numb the pain away. It doesn’t work as well as my medicine obviously, but I don’t want to take it more often than I have to.

Instead, this works for when it hurts a bit, but not unbearably so.

Flopping back on the bed, I pull my phone from my pocket, smiling as I see a new message from Beck.

Rebecca🌸: Hey :)

Rebecca🌸: So, I was wondering about

Rebecca🌸: Well just about you in general ahaha

I chew on my lips, trying to hide my smile even though there’s no one near to see it. Rolling onto my side, I transfer the ice pack from the wrist it’s currently on to my other one, numbing that one too.

Griffin🦅: yeah?

Griffin🦅: ask away ;)

Why the shit did I send a winkie face?!!!!! Someone end me.

Rebecca🌸: Oh well um, I was just wondering what your favourite food is, what music you like. That type of thing

Griffin🦅: umm ok so I’m really boring when it comes to food

Griffin🦅: my favourite meal is literally just pasta in tomato sauce

Griffin🦅: and then for music I mainly listen to rock

Griffin🦅: your turn :)

Rebecca🌸: Hang on…you like pasta in tomato sauce, with…nothing else on it?

Rebecca🌸: How is that not super tasteless??

Griffin🦅: I told you my taste in food is boring

Griffin🦅: it’s super nice tho, like,,,,it doesn’t taste of much but it’s comforting

Rebecca🌸: Really? I guess that makes sense, did your mum used to make that for you when you were growing up or something?

Hah. The irony. I don’t think my mother has ever cooked me anything, and neither has my father. My parents employ a chef and everything I’ve ever eaten at that house has been incredibly fancy and posh. Not exactly pasta in tomato sauce.

Griffin🦅: no my parents don’t cook much

Or at all, but whatever.

Griffin🦅: oi answer my question tho

Rebecca🌸: Oh haha sorry

Rebecca🌸: Yeah so I like puddings and things. I have quite a sweet tooth

Griffin🦅: yeah lol I’ve noticed

Rebecca🌸: Do you think it’s weird?

Griffin🦅: ?? Why would it be weird?? Food is made to taste nice right so it makes sense you’d like it

Rebecca🌸: You say some pretty obvious but helpful things haha :)

Griffin🦅: yeah I mean I only have like 3 braincells so everything I say had better be obvious or it’s too big-brained for me

Rebecca🌸: Hahahaha you definitely have more than 3 braincells

Rebecca🌸: Maybe a whole 4?

I smile, feeling a laugh building in my chest.

Griffin🦅: oi stfu don’t bully me like that :C

Rebecca🌸: Ahaha sorry <3

Griffin🦅: anyway

Griffin🦅: music taste. Go.

Rebecca🌸: Hmm I like most music, but I actually really like anything on the piano

Rebecca🌸: It has such a beautiful and simple sound, but can play so many different styles

Rebecca🌸: I think that’s really cool :)

My breath hitches slightly and I let out a groan. “Of course he likes the fucking piano. Should I just tell him I play the damn instrument?” Probably. Instead, I just type out my frustrations.

Griffin🦅: I hate the sound of the piano

God that’s so fucking- why did I send that?! Absolutely destroyed the conversation we had going, that’s for sure.

Rebecca🌸: Really? I guess that’s fair, I personally hate how the saxophone sounds so I guess it’s different for everyone

Sighing, I rub my wrists, swapping the ice pack over again. The satisfaction I used to get from playing the piano, even though my mother was breathing down my neck to learn the instrument, is completely gone now. The night she forced me to play and threw away my medication, it felt like things shifted.

I saw a different side of her that night. Before now, she’s always been domineering whilst being demure, elegant and graceful. But then, all I saw were the regrets she has as she pushed them on to me. She wants to make me in to her, and, well. I don’t want to be anything like her.

I don’t want to play the piano ever again, and it has nothing to do with my wrists. I simply don’t want her to have any kind of control over me. I was never following in her footsteps- no. I was moulding myself to have the same footsteps as her, so I could keep walking when she was unable to.

I don’t want to do that anymore, and I’m hoping that once I tell my dad about my wrists and why I can’t play the piano, he’ll actually stand up for me, and tell her that I won’t play. I want him to tell me that it’s ok that I can’t play anymore; that I already did enough.

That it’s ok to stop now, and do what I want.