Family and mental illness doesn’t match up well. Sometimes, they don’t understand and the person is singled out. Other times, they all understand but the house life is chaotic. Mine is a strange mix.

Everything I deal with, someone else in the family also has, except social anxiety and OCD. I can talk to my mom and Adrian about gray days, Ryan understands somethings about my autism and dad and Isaac can talk to me about ADHD. But no one has SAD or OCD and it is hard.

I say the volume has to be even. They put it at an odd one for fun, laughing when I struggle handling myself. I force myself outside to do things with them and feel uncomfortable the whole time.

My mom and I butt heads about this sometimes even. She loves talking to people, to strangers or the people on the street. I hate it, I struggle talking to family and friends sometimes. She says we should go visit someone and I need a whole day to mentally prepare talking to people. Every day I put myself out there and no one in my family understands how much work that takes.

When what you struggle with is a family joke, it makes you want to avoid them. I have a stutter when I get nervous or too excited and they laugh. I say I don’t like a food because of the texture and my dad feels offended. I avoid places and my mom thinks I’m not growing socially enough.

Family is supposed to be there for you and I know mine is. I know some people have even worse home life, from abuse, neglect and problems. But being the entertainment for the family, doesn’t make me feel any better about myself.