You know that saying, that you have three masks that you wear? One that you show the public, one for at home and one that is your true face. If that is true, my first and third are completely different.

I hate people. They are annoying, I don’t know what they want and I don’t know what is going on in their head. They are selfish, mean, rude and don’t care for others. I don’t like people.

My family thinks I’m epithetic, that I care for people. I’m good with children and this goes into people thinking I’m nice. I’m not, not at all.

I smile, I talk to friends, I socialize. At home, I laugh and joke, relaxing more. In my room, I write, I read, I cry, I deal with the anxiety and stress from the day.

It takes a lot out of you to fake for so long, yet we all do it. Hiding our passions, who we like, what we want for the future or our skills, we all pretend about something in our life. It feels sometimes like my whole life is fake, which doesn't help.

The worst is when you need to keep that masks up while your life is falling apart. Breaking down in secret is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

My life is complicated. I want help, someone to be there for me, but I can’t let someone into my life. I don’t want others to know what’s going on in my head but I want others to understand. It’s this double edged sword I stab into myself willingly. A never ending trap.