The weekend was... too quiet. It was nerve-wracking, to say the least. The silence was scarier than Allen’s constant screaming and yelling. I spent the whole weekend in my room or wandering around the city, and Allen didn’t try to bother me, not even once. The few times our paths crossed, he pretended I didn’t even exist.

When Monday morning came, I crawled out of my bed and took a quick shower. When I was drying my hair, I looked at my reflection in the small mirror in the bathroom. My bruises were healing, their color now sickly yellow, and I wasn’t coughing that much anymore. The shadows around my eyes weren’t as deep as before and I felt rested and energetic – it was something I hadn’t felt in a while, and it was weird.

I turned my arm so I could see the scars that formed Beau’s name. My skin was dry around the old cuts, and the scabs were scaling off on their own. Maybe this time I didn’t need to make the wounds again – maybe I didn’t need to remind myself anymore. This time could be different.

I’d been thinking about Beau a lot during that weekend. I was too afraid to call him, but I hadn’t heard anything from him either. I wanted to believe he had lost my number, or maybe he was too ashamed to contact me. I’d come up with many reasons for his silence, and those were the better options.

But whatever Beau’s reason for not contacting me was, I did feel cheerier, and I was almost looking forward to going to school. I dressed up and packed my bag before making my way downstairs to find something to eat. I was hungrier than usual. My dad had already left for work, and Allen left the kitchen the second I stepped in.

I almost felt bad for my brother. Almost.

I ate a toast for breakfast and grabbed an apple to eat on my way to school. The sun seemed brighter than usual. It was amazing how a good night’s sleep and not having to be afraid of getting hurt could make such a difference. I almost smiled when I thought about Deon. I needed to thank him. Even if it was just for a few days, he really had helped me a lot. I’d been desperate for a small break, after all.

After arriving at school, I decided to go look for him instead of hiding somewhere. I wanted to buy him a large cup of coffee as a thank you. He’d most likely appreciate that, and I nearly smiled when I thought about it. I knew how ridiculous I was for thinking like that, but I’d been without a friend for far too long. It felt quite nice to be useful for once.

I walked through the gates of the school and tried to see Deon’s car in the parking lot, but he was probably running late – I didn’t see his Mustang anywhere. I continued my way to the doors, thinking about hiding somewhere close to the cars so I could see when Deon arrived, but then I heard a familiar, chilling voice close by.

“Hey, fag!”

I almost jumped in fear when I heard the voice and sprung around. Sean and his buddies were standing right behind me with evil smirks on their faces.

“Looks like you ran out of luck, freak,” Sean said cheerily.

I took a few steps back. “L-luck?”

Sean, Glen and Drake changed amused looks before their eyes met mine again. I felt bad shivers running down my spine, and I turned to look away. I saw two teachers walking close by, talking to each other, and I wondered if they’d help me if I got in trouble. Probably not. Sean looked at them too, but he didn’t stop smiling.

“That’s too bad – you still have a little bit of luck left after all,” all he spat at me. “No worries, we will find you later.”

“B-but Deon...” I stuttered, knowing awfully well how pathetic I sounded.

They chuckled menacingly when I mentioned Deon. I started to believe there was a reason why Deon wasn’t at school.

“What did you do?” I whispered in horror.

“Looks like he won’t be around anymore,” Sean said with a wide smile.

“What?” I shivered again. “Where is he?”

They laughed and walked away without explaining anything, leaving me in the middle of the schoolyard. I was scared beyond my mind. Where was Deon? Did Sean and his friends do something to him? I was starting to panic. If something had happened to him because of me... Deon was the only person who had been nice to me! He was the only one who had cared...

“What do you mean?” I shouted after Sean, but he ignored me, so I ran after them. “What do you mean, he’s not going to be around anymore?”

Sean turned around suddenly and grabbed me by the collar.

“It means that your precious prince charming isn’t here to protect your ugly ass anymore,” he said and pushed me back.

I struggled to keep my balance and turned to look at him. I felt tears piling up in my eyes as I watched the three of them walk inside the school. I felt weak and helpless, and I had to look away. I was almost hyperventilating. I could see the other students giving me disgusted looks, but I ignored them.

I turned to look at the parking lot, wishing from the bottom of my heart that I’d see the black Mustang with silver stripes standing there.

“Deon...” I gasped, almost collapsing on the ground from the relief that washed over me.

It was like Sean’s words had frozen my heart, but now it started beating again. I took a deep, long breath and lifted my shaky hand on my face, covering up my eyes, trying my best to calm down.

There really was a black Mustang with silver stripes at the parking lot!

“Just a prank... It was just a prank...” I repeated to myself, starting to walk towards the car.

I saw Deon getting up from it, looking alive and well. I almost ran the final steps to him and wrapped my hands around him. I buried my face against his chest, and I was able to breathe again.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Deon muttered.

“I thought... I thought... Sean said...” I sobbed, not quite able to form any sentences. I looked up at him and saw him staring at me with an annoyed frown on his face. He didn’t say a word to me when he pushed my hands off him. I took a step back, feeling really ashamed of my actions. I didn’t look at him, but I heard him letting out a sigh.

“Come on,” he said quietly, patting my shoulder. “I need coffee.”

I nodded and followed him inside the school, my mind at ease again.

*****

When I saw Sean later that day, he was laughing at me. It wasn’t just him either – wherever I went, it seemed like people were smirking and pointing at me, whispering behind their hands.

And the worst thing was that they were smirking at Deon too.

“Someone told them I spent Friday night at your place,” Deon said during lunch break.

We were sitting at the cafeteria, and it was hard enough for me as it was. Sean had already crushed my spirit that morning, but my heart sank even lower when Deon spoke.

“I d-didn’t tell a-anyone,” I stammered hastily. “I s-swear.”

Deon gave me an annoyed look and spoke, “I couldn’t care less what they think. Besides, the deal is that I keep you safe. It’s better if they know I’m watching over you.”

“Why are you so nice to me?” I asked quietly in my misery.

“I’m not being nice to you,” he spoke, and I could tell he was growing annoyed with me.

“You don’t call me fag, or disgusting, or freak like the rest of them. I still don’t understand why you want to protect me. You could just beat the crap out of me – and Sean – and be done with it,” I said, pushing my luck.

“I already told you why I’m doing this,” Deon spat at me. “Don’t start getting any stupid ideas in your head.”

“Like what?” I asked.

“Listen to me now,” he said with a low, intimidating voice, leaning closer to me. “You and I – we are not friends. We will never be friends. So you better not fucking start growing any kind of feelings for me. Got that?”

“But if you don’t like me, why do you want to help me?” I asked again.

“Because I have to–” he raised his voice, but then he snapped his mouth shut, glaring at me angrily. “I just fucking have to, alright?” he hissed and stood up, leaving his food on the table. “And don’t you fucking hug or touch me ever again!”

And with that, he stormed out of the cafeteria, leaving me alone at the table. I saw people looking at me with laughter in their eyes.

“Problems in fag paradise...” someone muttered close by.

I grabbed my bag and rushed after Deon, but once I was out of the cafeteria, I couldn’t see him anywhere. I hugged my bag against my chest, feeling extremely uneasy with so many eyes on me. My emotions started building up, so I hurried to the exit to get away from everybody.

Once I was outside, I tried to avoid people as I hurried to the maintenance building and squeezed through the narrow gap between it and the fence. After making sure no one had followed me, I sat down against the wall, dropped my bag on the ground next to me and pulled my legs against my chest. I wrapped my arms around my knees and stared at the leaves in front of me without actually seeing them.

Because all I could see was Deon’s hateful look. Why did I open my stupid mouth? Why did he get so angry at me? I thought... I thought he wouldn’t get mad at me like the rest of them. I didn’t mean to say anything stupid, but I guess I did. I just wanted to know why he bothered...

But all I did was annoy him.

I was annoying. I had always been annoying. I never really had any friends, except for Beau, and even he used to get annoyed with me sometimes. My relatives thought I was being annoying when I tried to tell them about Allen. My aunt had yelled at me and called me exactly that the last time I talked to her. She’d asked why I was always trying to annoy people. Why was I so annoying all the time?

I should just stop talking once and for all. No one cared what I said, anyway.

I looked at my lap. I had my notebook open, and a new page was filled with the word ‘annoying’.

Stupid, pathetic, ridiculous and annoying. Those four words described me the best. No wonder no one liked me. I deserved to be all alone. I closed the notebook and put it back in my bag. I leaned my head against the wall and soon felt something wet running down my cheeks.