It was a few days that passed before Remy heard from Spencer again. Almost a week. This wasn't uncommon, that's how the pattern went with them when lines were crossed. Of course, Remy felt like shit and hated himself for allowing it all to happen again, but he knew it wasn't anywhere near the same amount of hate that Spencer had for himself after he 'slipped up'.
That being Spencer's term for sleeping with Remy. This wasn't the first, second, or third time they had been together sexually. It, however, was the first time that Remy knew it should have never happened. Spencer was in a committed relationship even if the two of them knew it was a sham and bound to end badly. It wasn't fair to Katelen or themselves to allow it to happen.
However, as stated before, Remy couldn't ever truly say no to Spencer. Those bright baby blues always pulled him in. As usual, Spencer played off as nothing had happened between them. Even with it being expected, Remy couldn't help but be hurt by the matter. The pain he felt only got worse each time. Wanting to make a final promise to himself that it would never happen again, but he loved Spencer. Wanted nothing more than to be with him.
When asked to come over, Remy said he could meet him somewhere. Making an excuse that he hadn't eaten all day and needed to. Knowing that Spencer didn't cook worth shit, so he knew going out was the only option.
"So as for the other day. . . " Remy speaking up first, aware that Spencer was more than happy in his world of pretending. "It can't happen again. I mean it this time. That was the last time."
The words choking Remy as he spoke them aloud even after he worked on this little speech on the way over. Thinking that if he rehearsed it, it would be easy to say it to him.
"Sure," Spencer spoke half-seriously. Eyes on his phone at the time.
"Spencer, I mean it. I'm done."
The words, I'm done grabbing his full attention now.
"Why are you so worked up over it? I'm usually the one that is."
"Because I'm tired of being hurt in the end." Remy's voice, lower than normal. "I can't let that keep happening. I know you well enough to know that it's been a war I lost long ago. Just never wanted to admit it to myself."
Spencer stayed quiet, not speaking back up until the waitress had moved on from the table.
"Would your mind change if I told you I was done with Katelen?"
Spencer had broken up with Katelen after their night together. Remy shaking his head no, as he pulled a long drink of his beer.
"There will be another one. Just like before."
It was the truth there was always another woman in his life. Sure they never stayed as long as Katelen did, but there was always some kind of woman in his life. Spencer understood where Remy was coming from there was always a woman in his life. Something that played the role he needed, to feel like he passed as normal.
Spencer played the rough and tough bad boy character to a tee, better than most even, but it was all just an act, and Remy knew that even though he allowed Spencer to think otherwise. Spencer's past wasn't a pretty one at all, which he liked to blame for how he was today.
His father was nothing but a drunk that beat the living shit out of him just because he could. Once, he got a whiff that he might be gay that only added a real cause to the beatings and every waking moment of his life became a hell.
A hell he thought would get the best of him till he met Remy at fourteen. Remy was the only light in his life that made everything he went through worth it. Without his friendship, Spencer knew for a fact he wouldn't be living today.
"What if there wasn't another one?"
Remy looked up from his plate giving Spencer a questioning look for a long moment before he spoke up.
"There will be another one." Simple as that.
"Well, I've been thinking a lot, and you're right. You're always right, which honestly is a real pain in my ass, but still."
Remy, laughing at this time, "Well it's about time you've noticed that."
"I mean it. You're right about me." Even now, it was so hard for Spencer to even gather the words like he needed to. "I'm not this straight guy that can keep on pretending."
His denial wasn't helping anyone, especially not himself.
"I'm gay."
Those two simple words caused Remy to spit his beer out, unable to hold it back, "I'm sorry, I'm pretty sure I heard that wrong."
"Fuck you."
Remy really couldn't believe what he was hearing. Those two words he had waited so long to hear from Spencer. Not just for his benefit but because he knew it wasn't healthy for him to keep repressing such truth about himself.
"So just like that, huh?"
"I've got to admit it at some point. Figured you'd be the easiest to say it too first."
Remy tried his best to not make some light-hearted joke about it right now because they both knew this already. Growing a more serious look as he leaned in closer to the table they were sitting at.
"I'm proud of you. I really am. I know how hard this is for you."
He was proud of him, but even now Remy was still on the fence about it all. Just because Spencer was finally admitting things to himself didn't mean it was ready to be some out and proud guy about it. With Spencer, it was always baby steps.
It really was hard for Spencer to admit. He has fought so hard in his life to make that fact about himself not be true. He tried so hard to love a woman and be with a woman, but it only lasted so long. Over the years, it has become harder and harder for him to fake. Having a few moments where he felt his girlfriends at the time were catching onto it too, so he ended it before they could prove anything.
"So what does this mean for you? No more girlfriends?"
"I'm not really sure. The whole fucking thing makes me uncomfortable, but I'm trying. I want to be fair to you, for once."
"Me?"
"Yes, you. I'm not fucking dumb. I know how you feel about me. I'm pretty sure others do too, which that's what really scares me."
Spencer taking a long pause, "But I want to try and give this a go."
Motioning to the two of them with his hand.
"I'm sorry, hold on."
Remy wasn't sure what he was feeling. This was something he wanted nothing more than to hear from Spencer, but it wasn't anything he ever expected. His heart raced so fast in his chest it hurt. That pain shocked him back to the reality in which he knew he lived in.
"So you broke up with your girlfriend, have come to terms with yourself as to who you really are, and are now asking me to be your boyfriend?"
"Yeah, pretty much," Spencer replied very nonchalantly as he sipped his beer.
"No."
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