Aziraphale remembered vividly when he saw Anthony Crowley again, for the first time in twelve years. He saw the lanky man walk up to the bar and his heart had almost leapt out of his chest. Without even thinking about it, he had walked up to him and asked if it was really him. He could feel his heart beating in his throat and the nerves were pulsing through his body. Aziraphale almost apologized right there on the spot, but eventually decided against it.

As opposite to Crowley, he did spend two weeks every summer in France after the last time they saw each other. The year after it happened, Aziraphale felt riddled with anxiety and guilt over the thing he said. He absolutely didn’t know what to do if Anthony showed up. He couldn’t decide if he should apologize, ignore everything all together or just tell him the truth. As it was, Anthony had decided for him by not showing up.

But he still went with his parents and his siblings. The family grew when his siblings got married and had kids. Sometimes they couldn’t come with them, sometimes they would. Gabriel didn’t get married because he vowed clerical celibacy when he became a deacon and later the parish priest. It was different for Aziraphale, who never got married for different reasons altogether. He just decided he liked life better on his own and that’s what he was doing.

And now Crowley was back, but he was different. He grew out of his awkward lanky teen body, became lithe and svelte and Aziraphale could only imagine the taut muscle underneath his clothing (Crowley would describe himself more as a caffeinated noodle), something he was given a glimpse of when the man appeared in his towel at the front desk of the hotel.

A few years after their last meeting twelve years ago, Aziraphale decided to keep an eye out for him. Not in the literal sense, he wouldn’t go looking for the man himself, but he knew that his dad was an important politician so there must’ve been something about his family in the news. 

It wasn’t really that hard to find at first, Crowley got himself into trouble often and Aziraphale felt like he was intruding while reading about him, but it also felt like watching a car crash happen in front of you and not being able to look away.

So Aziraphale read how Crowley got kicked out of University in his first year, how he got in and out of rehab multiple times, was oddly jealous of his handsome lovers and flings, and saw him getting arrested on charges of public indecency, intoxication, and under the influence of drugs. 

It seemed to get worse and it suddenly stopped. There were a few vague articles here and there, he was seen with his parents and people speculated that he ‘redeemed’ himself. When that started, Aziraphale stopped looking him up.