"No?"
"Yes, no. I'm sorry, but I don't believe you." Remy moved in closer to Spencer, putting on his serious voice. "I mean every word I'm about to say to you, so believe it. I'm so proud and honestly happy for you. I've wanted nothing more than for you to realize that you're perfect just the way you are. Being gay doesn't change a damn thing about it. But I know you and I can't let myself think that this sudden I want a boyfriend isn't some kind of game or just something you haven't thought through completely. I have no problem with being out and happy. I have no problem with taking things slow going at a pace that works for you, but I can't let myself be swept up by you again. Let alone on a serious level. I just won't be able to take it when everything goes bad, or when you get scared."
Remy's body started to shake as he spoke. Here he was saying no to the one thing he wanted most in his life. Saying no to the one man he knew he would love forever and that nothing could change it, even with all the pain that came with it. It was time for him to change his old patterns. Spencer could never be his. Not completely anyways. He would have to settle and be happy with what he did have with him.
"Remy, I'm serious here." Spencer reaching out and taking his hand into his own.
They have never displayed any kind of affection for each other in public nothing that could be taken as more than some long-time friends.
"I'm willing to prove it to you. Whatever you need to see to show that I'm serious. I'm willing to do it." Spencer's tone was dead serious, almost too serious where it became a bit scary.
Remy shocked by the hand holding to do anything. Frozen as the waitress came by asking if they needed anything else before placing the check on the table. Spencer, not budging, only looking up to thank her.
"I'll give you a moment while I go pay for dinner." Spencer let go as he pulled his wallet from his back pocket.
Remy's throat got tight making it hard for him to swallow, "I'm seriously having a heart attack."
Words only he could hear. His whole body was frozen, and all he could hear and feel was his heart beating hard against his chest.
"Woah, you okay? I didn't break you did I?" Asked Spencer once he got back to the table. Finishing off his beer before motioning he was ready to head out.
"Why now?" Questioned Remy. His words were louder than he planned for them to be drawing some attention to them in the restaurant.
"Com'on." Motioned Spencer, which Remy did after taking a moment to get his legs to have feeling in them again.
Following Spencer out onto the sidewalk, thinking to himself, that he was right cause just now he drew attention to them and Spencer was shying away, waiting to leave. He knew it was too good to be true. It was dark in the restaurant maybe Spencer was planning on the waitress to not notice they were holding hands.
Spencer lit his cigarette taking a long drag from it as he walked.
"Because it's time to stop pretending. I'm going to be thirty in a few years, and I don't want to keep playing someone I'm not. I'm so fucking tired of being what people want me to be and not be who I am. As for your follow-up to that question that I know is going to come, why you. Because you're the only person I have ever known that makes me feel the way that I do. You're the only one that makes me happy to be me. The only being that knows who I really am and you love me still." Taking another drag stopping in his path. "Is that a good enough answer for you?"
Spencer looked down at Remy. Shock was the main emotion that had taken over his body along with many others he wasn't sure of. Smirking, his little evil grin at him as his free hand cupped Remy's chin pulling his head up leaning down placing a sweet kiss on his lips. Just like that in the middle of the street with people to see. Well, it was late and dark out, but still, this was more than anything Remy could have imagined from Spencer.
"You also have a great ass," Spencer whispered to him.
"Ah! Fuck you!" Spoke Remy, pushing Spencer away.
"I'm sure you will." Laughed Spencer taking another drag, "But on a real level I'm fucking serious."
The both of them grew quiet for most of the walk back towards Spencer's place, him the first to speak up.
"I'm not going to rush you for some kind of answer. You can think about it for as long as you need to. As I said, I'm all in. I'll do whatever you need me to do to prove that."
Flicking the butt of his cigarette into the street as he opened the door to his apartment building, "You're welcomed to come up as always."
Normally, Spencer wouldn't have thought twice about Remy coming in this late, but things were different now. He placed a rather big bomb on him in the last hour. So as promised he wasn't pressing for anything Remy wasn't ready to have.
"Ask me again?" Remy questioned looking up at Spencer.
Spencer shook his head slightly with a half-grin, "Remy, will you be my boyfriend?"
God did he feel like he was sixteen again asking his first girl out. This time though was different. This time meant something. Feeling his own heart start to race. Fearing that once again he would be rejected.
Remy taking a deep breath as he thought about everything that was said to him tonight. Sure, that left Spencer hanging, but in reality, he deserved it. Biting his bottom lip in the process, a trait of his when he was weighing his options. Spencer taking note of this too. They were both risking a lot, but it was something that could be more than great for the two of them.
"If I don't get treated like your ex's we’re going to have problems," replied Remy.
"Better than." Promised Spencer as he grabbed Remy by his belt loop, pulling him in the door, picking up where their last kiss ended.
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