Chapter 1
Oct 10, 2015
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Hm...I'll be honest - there are quite a few gaps that you might need to address as you carry on your release. Your artwork, as always, is fresh and dynamic - however, the writing can use a lot of work. For starters, you often inject dialogue when it's neither needed, nor necessary; many of the scenes in the beginning could have been handled with simple silence or short phrases, which would have retained meaning without getting bogged down in wordiness. As for the dialogue itself, it comes off as awkward. Connie's speech doesn't match her intended - or at any rate, expected - emotional state, and the characters often sound monotonous to the point of being interchangeable. All this leaves me scratching my head on anything regarding emotion, motivation, or even direction. In all, I think it's a good effort, and when you smooth out some of the rough edges, it'll be great.
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