40 minutes, at least, have passed with this guitar in my lap, microphone recording me and Sydney at my side with her phone camera on. We’re trying to shoot the “behind the scenes” recording of my love song but…

“Come on Jem, smile a little, you look so tense.” Casey prods me in the arm as if testing how tight my skin is.

“I’m sorry, I’ll try again,” I pick my hands back up to their positions on the guitar’s neck.

“No, it’s okay,” Sydney chimes in quietly, “I think we got one that'll work.”

Casey raises her eyebrows in disbelief, “We did? He’s looked so sad the entire time. Like he’d rather be anywhere else.”

"I would." I mumble.

“Yeah, well uh, the last one we just did he looks so concentrated. Like he really means the words and it’s too emotional to just smile.” She holds it for us to see, her face frowning from her own words

But she's not the one who should be cringing. I have such a gloomy expression, it's gross and depressing. Though I can see where she’s coming from. Without the context of what I’m really feeling, I just look focused.

“Okay, great. Now that we have that out of the way, Jem suck it up and perform it properly. You’re still on a deadline.” Casey straightens herself out and leaves the recording booth, taking Sydney with her.

She’s right. I need to set aside my heavy feelings and focus on work while I’m here. I can’t let all of this go to waste, especially now.

I suck in a deep, long breath, using the extra air to smooth out the dark ocean crashing within me. I clear my mind and the water settles, a thick grey fog taking the waves’ place. The water is still dark and rippled, but calmer now. Somehow sort of… Eerie.

~~~

The video has been posted. It has many likes, comments, shares. Most comments are the usual supportive–in love type of ones. But some… People are already trying to connect this with the article. With Isaac. 

What’s Isaac gonna think if he finds out? If? No, I need to tell him still. It’ll be when he finds out.

I crumple my hair beneath my hands as I walk into the lobby, my breaths staggered. How did I get myself into this mess?

A tingled jump spreads through my body as I register someone touching my shoulder. I throw my arms back down to my sides as I look to see who it is. Kieran smiles back at me, an employee of the label I made friends with the year before.

“Hey man, you okay?” He asks with a warming voice.

“Yeah, just. Long day.”

“It’s only past 2.” He laughs. I let out a few soft huffs of my own, trying to disguise my obvious strange behaviour. “I’m glad I ran into you, I’m heading out to get lunch with Adekemi and Luke, wanna come?”

“Lunch? It’s past 2.” I state with a forced straight face, Kieran laughs sarcastically. “Sure, man, sounds fun.” I could do with the distraction.

The place he takes me to isn’t far, just up the street. A relaxed restaurant placed snugly on the 3rd floor between a mix of other shops. The interior is warm, brown seating and valley-green comforts and wall decorations. We find the small group already seated at a booth table by the windows, facing out onto the large balcony.

It’s a popular spot among people like me, not that you run into famous – or sort of famous – people very often, but everyone’s chill here. A safe space.

“Ay, you brought Jem!” Adekemi beams from her seat, some sort of colourful milkshake in her hands. Her neat, dark braids spill onto her shoulders and lean on the cream of her teddy jacket.

“Hello, hello, nice to see you all again.” I smile and take a seat. This was a good idea.

“Oh, there’s news 'bout these two,” Luke nods to Kieran and Emi, a huge grin on his face.

He gets elbowed in the side before he can continue, a harsh grunt replacing his words.

“Hey that’s not your news to tell!” Emi tells him off and he raises his hands in surrender. I stifle a laugh. “Keiran and I are dating! Officially.” She smiles, wider than Luke had.

I smile back, feeling drops of warmth and comfort falling back into me. “That’s cute, congrats you two. You make a power couple. One that I’m scared of actually.”

“Haha, what?” Kieran takes Emi’s hand in his.

“You’re both lovely, don’t get me wrong, but you’re also both scary when you’re mad.”

“Right, they’re like terrifyingly strict parents.” Luke agrees with me.

“You boys are ridiculous. I’m perfectly scary on my own.” Adekemi grins deviously, a playful tint brightens her green eyes. She has all three of us nodding silently. “Speaking of gossip. How are you doing Jem?” Her expression softens and her eyes become extra welcoming.

I feel the smile drop from my face almost instantly. “I uh. Could be better. It’s pretty stressful.” I shrug. There’s not much I can do or say about it.

“I meant to message you sooner, but things got super busy at work. I’m glad I could see you, especially now.” Her tone becomes serious and sharp, the warmth and comfort still present, just less so.

I take my time considering her words. Especially now? Because of the video on my account? It isn’t that bad. Is it?

“Why?” I ask, the confusion - or I guess obliviousness - must be very apparent because all of my friends turn quiet, exchanging quick glances.

Kieran shuffles in his seat to take his phone from his pocket. “You haven’t seen it?” 

I shake my head as he leans forward with his phone, but Emi puts a hand to his wrist before I can see. “Hold on. Jem, just know we’re here for you. We’ll help you in any way you need.” She waits until I show I understand.

I can feel my heartbeat in my pulse, the quick rhythm affecting the ocean within me. It rumbles until the surface is rough, the fog thicker than before. I bite back the fear as I rest my eyes upon the polished screen.

My heart stops entirely.

Jem Johnstone’s Mystery Contact Revealed

On Wednesday of this week, screenshots from the rising musician’s phone were released, providing us with a quick look into a mysterious relationship between the young talent and an unknown messenger.

Many theorised about the two, each new idea collecting like rain on the web of questions. A love interest? Neighbourhood friend? Possibly even a fan disguised under a vague name? While we don’t have an answer to how the two are connected, we do know a bit about this ‘Neighbour Boy’.

Young, like Jem, Isaac Marsh-Rowan grew up in a small town in Gloucestershire - which if you’re brushed up on your Jem facts you’d know this isn’t close to Jem at all. Are they really neighbours? Or is this fan theory looking more and more plausible?

To make things even more curious, there isn’t a known picture of Isaac anywhere to be found. 

Hold still, we know you're dying to know what this mystery boy looks like and we do have an idea! Based on those we assume to be his family, Isaac most likely has brown hair, fair skin and green or brown eyes. A height of about 6' to 6’2 and a strong jawline sprinkled with dark golden stubble. Getting a handsome picture yet? 

Yep, we think Jem scored high with this one.

I speed through each word, the letters jumbling in my brain until I can't read anymore. Though three words stand out: Isaac Marsh-Rowan.

How did they find this? Not even I knew his full name! I thought the label said he’d be protected. Oh God.

Adekemi presses a hand to my arm, a sympathetic look pulling her features down, “I’m sorry Jem. This is ridiculous, they really think they can just do whatever they want and throw people’s secrets out like that. And they doxed him. I-” she stops talking when she looks back up, meeting my eyes. Although I’m not focusing on her. My eyes are glazed.

Doxed. I got Isaac doxed.

Links to his facebook reside in the comments of the article. Conversations about him spiral into more and more theories, uncaring of his privacy or his feelings. Making up whatever they want about him because it’s fun.

I’ve never felt this sick in my entire life and Emi can see it. They all can. They try talking to me but I don’t hear it. I’m deafened by my heartbeat and the millions of words crashing through my mind.

Isaac’s going to see it. He probably already has. He’ll know who I am, he’ll feel exposed, he’ll be scared, confused, violated. And it’s my fault. I did this to him.

I dart up from my seat causing my friends to flinch backwards, falling into silence. “Sorry. I just- I’ll be outside for a bit.” I mumble and stumble my way onto the balcony.

I pass mostly empty tables and chairs, finding myself perched at a bench resting against the half wall railing. I.. I have to talk to him. I have to apologise. I have to make things right, or at least try. 

I quickly send the text asking if I can call him. It doesn’t take him long to respond.

This is it. There’s no backing out.