Chapter Four - Michael.

This can't be happening.

I can still feel the heat his skin leaves me with. The way I grabbed him, our palms clicking like two parts of a puzzle were unlike me. I try as much as I can to avoid touching people, so what was I thinking when I held his hand like that? Why did I wish he'd stay?

I can't handle these new feelings, they're not like anything I've experienced before. I want to stop them but at the same time, I crave them even more.

We sit silently in the backseat as Ryder drives us to his school. He's got his earplugs on beside me and bobs his head from time to time. There's barely any space between us and I can't help feeling so self-conscious of myself, battling with my hormones to quit their games. I want to see him dance, to hear his melodic voice singing out the lyrics, a steady rhythm in his tone. I need to hear his voice.

"Is this the first time you're doing business with my parents? How did you meet them?"

His question breaks the peace lingering in the air and I tried to find an urge not to lie to him, while still choosing the details to divulge carefully in my mind. Maybe he ran out of patience for his next statement and left me hanging.

"Forget it. Pretend I said nothing," he continued scrolling through his playlist. I notice the tired lines on his forehead.

"I'm sorry. No, I've met them before. I can't tell you more because it's confidential. I trust you understand,"

He nodded. "No problem. Just curious, you're just a lot different from the normal bodyguard they could have gotten me," he barely glances at me. At this my mind surfs through the previous bodyguards he'd been with and I tighten my fist. Maybe I should run a background check on these men. Those men, however straight they are can't look away from him so easily.

"I live overseas and work for them there as an informant. Now, I'm only doing this job as a favor I've got to repay,"

"Do you like it?"

I pause, weighing my response. "Maybe. I'm fine protecting you," at this, he blushes and my heart skips twice. The light of his smiles and the happiness in my words make me feel this is exactly where I should have been all my life, by his side, making sure no harm befalls him. He's a perfect creation, one everyone wants and I've been made into a shield to protect him from them.
It's a goal I'm not gonna fail in. He needs me, probably as much as I need him and for a moment I don't feel guilty about my dirty past. I've been training for this moment all my life.

He stays silent for a while before asking. "Why did you ask me about my shorts in the kitchen? Did they display much of my body?"

"I liked seeing them on you. It fits your stature,"

He does not comment on this too, and I begin to feel I've said something wrong.

"I know Mom and Dad said I should call you Michael but dude... isn't there a nickname of some sort? Or a more informal name?"

"My name's Michael. Formal or not,"

"What do your friends call you? Mike? Mikey??" I can't look away from his glittering green eyes as he says this.

"I have no friends,"

I'll be honest about this too.

His face pales then brightens at a thought. "Fine. You have me then. I'll be your friend," he states warmly, placing a palm on my thigh and squeezing it. I look up at his face to see how pink his cheeks have become. He looks so cute. "Mikey doesn't sound so bad for you,"

"Please, is Michael not good enough?"

"Uh nope, too wordy. Let's go with something Russian then," he taps on the leather seat calmly. It'd be funny hearing him speak my language. But then, on the other hand, having him under me moaning out in Russian. It's not a bright thought perhaps.

"Think of something and I'll help you with translations. Make it good,"

He looks out the window and gasps. "I think we might have passed my school. Please park here Ryder. I can walk back,"

"I'll call you krasivvy. Don't worry I'll drop you off. Ryder, please reverse," I take note of the smile pulling at his lips while turned from me.

At his school, I step out before him and walk around to open his door, holding my hand out for him to take. I feel the beat of his heart and the softness of his smile, and sadly it matches mine. An overwhelming surge of possessiveness nearly knocks me off my feet.

I reluctantly let go of his hand as he steps out with his backpack. I take it from him as we walk into the school campus. A courtyard sits beyond the perimeter marked by a large, thick iron fence.

"Alright, here's the farthest you can come. I don't want the kids all staring and thinking up impossible stuff," he chuckles at the last part and my smile falters at this. He's nice and kind but thinks I'm not good enough to be seen with. It hurts.

"You can meet me for lunch under that tree there. I mostly eat alone when Simon's not so busy," he points to a secluded space under a birch tree. I nod quietly.

"It's no big deal. My past bodyguards didn't have to wait on me all day. I'll see you at two. Right here."

"Have a great day James," I say and he laughs. "Did I say something embarrassing?"

"No, you didn't. It's just the way you speak... you pronounce the words too formally even though you're Russian. It sounds professional and cute at the same time,"

I nod, taking note of this, and not wishing to embarrass myself further, I hand his bag over. Our wrist chains catch and we stay like that for a few minutes, silent. His soft skin against my rough tattoed wrist is unlike anything that I've ever felt before. I'm someone he probably shouldn't be close to and I know this but nothing stops me from running a finger along the side of his wrist and missing the pleasing gasp that escapes his lips at this, dark lust infiltrating his pure green eyes. He wants me. My actions affect him just as his innocence threatens to break down my resolve.

Breaking the connection, I do what is right and take a step back. Maybe I should tell Mariah I can't do this job anymore, possibly she'll find me another thing to do. I'll let her know I can't be trusted and she shouldn't be surprised if I misbehave with her son but the thought of him close to anyone constricts my heart. He's mine. I feel this deeper than the wounds I've acquired my entire life.

Even though I'm not good for him, I can't let him out of my sight or allow any boy or girl to come close to him. He's the best thing that may happen to my life. I'm positive about this, he's got to be the one.

He retracts his hand and begins to walk away, and as I watch him go I want to run after him and swoop him off his feet, run into the car with him, push Ryder out, and drive us to a place no one would find us. I want to hear his voice every minute, have him talk and compliment me more, tell me his secrets and everything there is to talk about but instead of doing this, I turn around and walk back to the car.

I consult my watch and see I have six hours before I'll be back beside him again. It might be a tough wait but I'm ready to do it. Because a second beside him is worth hours alone.

I'm sure I'll gain nothing out of this obsession but no one was ever known to not try first.