I’m going to go insane trying to act normal. The rest of the weekend Josie and I sort of danced around the subject. Sage kept giving us looks, pretending she wasn’t looking or trying to catch us again.
I didn’t want to sleep in the same bed as Josie, lest Sage think we are fooling around. Or even worse, we do actually fool around. So as we all watched movies in the living room, I pretended to fall asleep on the couch. Hoping Josie would go lay down in the room by herself.
My plan failed.
She fell asleep on the couch right next to me. Resting her head on my shoulder. Once again, this isn’t out of the ordinary. She does this all the time. But now I find myself reading into everything. Does she like me as more than a friend? She all but said so. If she does, have all these friendly little gestures and moments meant something else to her?
Have I been sending signals or something?
I never meant to.
Sage and Sophie went to sleep in the room. Wyatt left earlier. I tried to gently move Josie’s head off my shoulder so I could go lay down in the room. It failed. She woke up.
“Huh?” she sat up.
“Sorry, I was just going to go lay in the room.”
“Good idea,” she turned the tv off and stood up and stretched before walking to the room.
I sighed and followed her.
I don’t want to be weird by suddenly changing my mind to lay in the living room. So, I sucked it up and crawled into bed next to her. I wish she hadn’t kissed me. Now it’s always going to be awkward. Before I wouldn’t have even thought about it and just did it, ugh!
I faced the wall and closed my eyes but yelped when I felt Josie wrap herself around me, making me the little spoon.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Emm,” she hums, half asleep.
She doesn’t answer.
No way she could have fallen back asleep that fast! She’s a total faker! If I wasn’t exhausted and I wasn’t already comfortable, I’d so push her off the bed. I’m going to have to lay some ground rules, set the record straight. She can’t just keep being touchy-feely with me now that I know. That’s just weird.
In the morning I wake up even more snuggled up to Josie than I fell asleep. I’m nuzzled into her chest, she has her arms wrapped around me, her head resting just above mine. She’s so warm… and smells really nice.
I find myself falling back asleep when I hear the door creak open.
“You really think they are hooking up?” I hear Sophie whisper.
“I saw them, just look at them,” Sage whispers back.
My eyes shoot open and I jolt out of Josie’s arms.
“We aren’t!” I quickly defend myself.
Sage and Sophie laugh at me as I slide off the bed on accident.
Josie jolts awake from all the commotion.
I pout and rub my back before standing up.
“I’m just saying, you two look awfully suspicious.” Sage teases.
“What the fuck, it’s too early,” Josie complains and pulls the blanket over her head.
“We aren’t, I like Carson, remember?”
“Told you,” Sophie playfully pushes Sage.
“Then what did I see yesterday?”
“Nothing,” I quickly say.
“Didn’t look like nothing.”
“You’re seeing things then.”
“Why are you getting so defensive?” Sophie teases.
“Josie, back me up here.” I turn to her.
“No! Need sleep!” she complains.
I frown at her.
“Fine, say what you want Kat, but I know what I saw.” Sage says.
“Whatever,” I roll my eyes.
She walks away from the door, calling behind her, “We leave in a couple of hours!”
“Okay!” I call back before shutting the door.
I glance over at Josie who still has a blanket over her head. Why didn’t she back me up? No! Don’t think about it, just stop overthinking things. I quickly grab a change of clothes and go to the bathroom to wash up.
I guess I should shower before we go.
So I turn the water on and let it get nice and steamy before stepping in.
If Josie really does like me as more than a friend then I can only ignore the issue for so long before it blows up in my face. But how? How am I supposed to deal with this? There should be a manual on what to do when your best friend catches feelings for you. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, and I still want us to be friends, but only friends. Nothing more.
Is that even a possibility? Can I just ignore it and continue to be her friend? Won’t that just be hurting her in the end? What do I do? I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t want to face her either.
Why!? Why did she have to kiss me!?
I flinch when I hear the bathroom door open.
“What are you doing?” I ask, making sure the shower curtain is all the way closed.
“Getting ready…” she says it like it’s obvious.
“Well, I’m taking a shower.”
“And?” I hear the sink turn on.
“And, can’t you wait?”
“How long are you going to be weird for?”
“You’re the one being weird.” I shoot back.
“Whatever,” the sink turns off and I hear her start brushing her teeth before walking out and shutting the door again.
I quickly start washing myself wanting to be out before she comes back in. While I’m in the shower I brush my teeth too. She comes back in a few minutes later to rinse out her mouth, then I hear her start brushing her hair.
I turn the water off.
“Ugh, my hair is so fried. I think I’m going to cut it off.” She says.
I reach for a towel but don’t find any.
I peak out and see it fell on the floor. I catch her glancing at me through the mirror, a small circle she wiped the fog off to see herself. She quickly averts her gaze. I reach down and pick up the towel before pulling it back into the shower with me.
I wring out my hair before wrapping myself up and stepping out.
“I need to get dressed,” I say to Josie as she takes her time brushing her hair.
“Almost done,” she ignores me.
I huff and sit on the toilet seat and wait for her.
“Let me braid your hair,” she runs her fingers through my wet locks.
“Can I get dressed first?” I complain.
“I’ll be quick.”
She grabs the brush and brushes out my hair as I sit on the toilet shivering and wrapped in a towel. In less than five minutes my hair is in a neat braid.
“Okay, now let me get dressed.”
“Alright, geez.” She walks out.
I move as quickly as possible, slipping into my panties and putting on my bra. She opens the door and says,
“Forgot my phone.”
“Josie!” I scream then slip.
She tries to catch me but we both go falling on the ground.
“Ugh! Couldn’t you have waited!?” I complain.
She giggles at my flustered face.
“You’re doing this on purpose!” I snap at her.
“You don’t say,” she smirks at me and trails one hand up my bare stomach.
I gasp at her touch.
“I said I don’t like you like that, please stop.” I push her hand away.
“Call me crazy, but I’m having a hard time believing you. Someone who’s not into you doesn’t entertain the idea of kissing you and is not so easily bothered.” She moves her hand to my stomach again.
“Stop messing with me,” I push her hand away again.
“What if I don’t want to?” she says in a husky voice.
She leans down and peppers kisses up my shoulder to my neck.
Why? Why does it feel so good?
“I’m sober now…” She whispers in my ear.
I get goosebumps.
She pulls back and I stare into her seafoam-colored eyes.
“You could have pushed me away whenever you wanted,” she points out.
I feel my cheeks heat up.
I glance down at her lips and before I can think better of it, I lean up to kiss her. She leans in too, but then the door to the room opens and instead we smack foreheads.
“Ow!” I complain.
“Damn it,” she complains.
“What do we have here?” Sage walks in with a smug smirk on her face.
“Nothing!” I push Josie off.
I quickly get up off the floor and finish getting dressed. Josie glares at Sage, they have some unspoken conversation, and Sage chuckles before leaving the room again. Wait, does Sage know Josie likes me?
“Now that she’s gone,” Josie grabs me by the shoulders and moves in for another kiss.
“No!” I push her away.
“Look, I love you, you’re my best friend. But that’s all you are. I like someone else. I don’t want to hurt your feelings okay. Just, leave me alone. I don’t want to do that stuff with you.”
“That’s not what it looked like to me.”
“You confuse me!” I admit.
There is a long stretch of silence.
“Why did you have to kiss me!? Damn it, Josie. I don’t know what is what anymore.” I push past her and go into the room.
“This isn’t fun for me either you know,” she follows after me.
“Just, don’t okay. I like someone else.” I avoid looking at her by packing my bag.
“Who are you trying to convince?”
“Why now? What brought this on? You’ve had forever to tell me, why now?” I whirl around to face her.
“I’m sick of it! I’m so sick and tired of watching you fall for all these losers! None of these guys deserve you. You can do so much better. I know… I know I could treat you so much better than them. I’m so sick of pretending, I don’t want to pretend anymore. I love you Kat.”
“I’m sorry,” I turn away from her. “But I don’t feel the same way.”
“Curiosity is not the same as being in love with someone. Just because I kissed you back doesn’t mean I love you.” I point out.
“Bullshit, how long have we’ve known each other?”
“I’m not a dyke okay!” I shout.
There is a long pause, I instantly regret my words. It just came out. I didn’t mean to. I’ve never even used that word before in my entire life. I feel like I’m going to be sick.
“That’s… I didn’t mean to say it like that.” I say when she still hasn’t said anything.
“Sounded like you meant it to me.” She grabs her bag and pushes past me and out of the room, slamming the door on her way out.
Sage opens the door and eyes me.
“Did you just say what I think you said?” she asks.
“It just slipped I didn’t—”
“That kind of talk isn’t welcome around me.”
“Sage come on, you know me. I didn’t mean it, I was just freaked out. It just came out. I’m sorry.”
I sigh and grab my bag, slipping my shoes on.
Sophie shakes her head at me as I walk by.
Josie is standing over by the other room, wiping her tears and avoiding my gaze.
“I’m sorry,” I say one last time before leaving.
Sage slams the door shut behind me.