There are things I’ve never seen Josie do. Sides of her I didn’t even know existed. The girl is pretty blunt and straightforward when she wants something. Being her friend didn’t provide me access to the secret sides of her, but now that I am her love interest, I got to say she can be pretty cute sometimes.
After our pizza, we sort of just hung out and watched movies like we usually did. Well, there may have been a little more flirting and cuddling than usual. In the morning is when the surprises and secret sides of her began to make their appearance.
I was dead asleep in bed when I felt someone softly caressing my cheek and the smell of pancakes filled my lungs. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes in confusion to Josie smiling down at me.
“Morning,” she said softly.
“What are you doing?” I grumbled and sat up.
“I made you breakfast and coffee.” She said.
I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and turned to my bedside table where a food tray waited for me.
She chuckled which made me look at her again.
“I’ve always thought your grumpy morning face was so cute.”
I felt my cheeks heat up.
“It’s too early for flirting,” I grumble and move to eat.
“It’s never too early to show the person you love how much you care about them.” She said before kissing me on the forehead.
Then she got up and walked out of the room saying, “I’m going to go wash the dishes.” On her way out.
“Weird…” I grumble before eating my food.
Until then I didn’t even know Josie had a softer sweeter side. It’s kind of freaking me out. But at the same time, that was super cute. My heart turned all mushy. Ugh, this is so weird. It’s hard to see Josie as anything but my best friend, but somehow, she’s doing it. She’s changing my perspective of her.
Before Josie kissed me I would have never in a million years looked at her the way I am looking at her now. But now that she has kissed me, now that everything is different, I see things differently. When she’s near my heart beats faster. When her arms are around me I feel all warm and mushy inside. When she looks at me with those seafoam-colored eyes sometimes I forget how to breathe.
This is bad.
This is really bad.
I think I’m actually catching feelings for her.
For the longest time, I used to feel those things only when I was thinking about Carson, but now I can’t even think about Carson when Josie’s in the same room as me. I feel different, awakened somehow to this other part of me I didn’t even know existed until now.
Friends have always been off-limits. Friends, and friends significant others both past and present have always just been forbidden. I never thought about that rule twice. It was just the law of the land. Everyone knows never to catch feelings for close friends or it will just fuck everything up.
It will put a break in the group, especially if the relationship ends in disaster. Once you go there, you can never go back. What we had before is now completely gone and I don’t know if I was ready for that, or if that’s what I even wanted.
Gah! I just feel so confused and conflicted.
I’ve never caught feelings for a girl before.
It’s lowkey freaking me out.
Am I gay? Do I like girls now? Do I like Josie?
What if I do? What does that mean for me and Carson? I like him too. I liked him a lot longer than I’ve liked Josie. He’s sweet and caring, and cool. He’s basically my dream guy. Could I really just give him up after waiting this long?
What do I do?
Josie you idiot, why did you have to kiss me?
When I finish my food I take my plate to the sink where Josie is almost done doing dishes.
“I can do the rest.” I offer.
“I got it,” she takes the plate from me.
“I’m gonna go wash up,” I say.
“k,” she continues washing dishes.
I frown before walking off.
Pull it together Kat. You can’t start falling apart now. So long as no one finds out what I am doing I can keep experimenting until I know for sure what I want. Josie’s cool with it. So no big deal right?
As I am drying off my face my phone beeps.
A text from Carson.
‘Hey, what are you doing today? You didn’t answer my text last night so I assumed you must have fallen asleep early. Wanna hang out today?’
I bite my lip and stare at the screen.
Before I can respond Josie comes up behind me and takes the phone out of my hands.
“Hey!” I complain.
“Today is my day. I’m going to give you a taste of what you are missing out on. Of what we could have if we were really together.” She says.
I eye her.
She looks at my texts and responds for me before handing me back the phone.
It reads, ‘Can’t today, sorry. I promised Josie we’d hang out. You know how she is. I’ll text you later, okay?’
“Okay?” Josie asks.
I look up at her.
“Okay,” I say softly.
She smiles. A smile so sweet and genuine it tears me apart.
I don’t want to break her heart.
Carson responds back with, ‘Okay, cool. I understand. Friends first. Catcha later, maybe we can go for a walk tonight. I’ll text you later.’
I feel sick to my stomach. What I am doing is wrong, but I don’t know what to do. I’m so confused.
I stare at my phone in worry.
Josie caresses my cheek and I look up at her. I feel my heart skip a beat as our eyes meet. She doesn’t say anything, just gently caresses my cheek. I lean up and kiss her then. She kisses me back softly.
I feel all weird inside.
I’ve never felt like this before.
This feeling, it’s almost hypnotic. Addictive. I can’t get enough of it.
“Get dressed, I have plans for us today.” She says as she pulls back.
“What kind of plans?” I ask.
“You’ll see my cute little kitten,” she ruffles my hair.
“You are not calling me that.” I glare at her.
“Just go get dressed,” I push her away.
She blows me a kiss as she walks off.
I feel my cheeks heat up.
After I finish washing up I get changed and join Josie as she does her makeup. Today she decides on wearing a shade of hazelnut lipstick. She doesn’t carry around her big case of lipstick everywhere but every day she does grab four shades at random to hold in her makeup bag.
She says you never know when a random shade of lipstick will come in handy.
Usually, I advise everyone to stay away from brown painted lips. It’s just such a cringy look, but the matt-colored lipstick really works for her. She looks like some hot French model or something.
She has on some hazelnut-colored shorts with a petal pink shirt to go with. The colors really suit her well and look cute on her. Not that I’m checking her out or anything.
“Want to borrow one?” she indicates to her lipstick.
“Why do you collect so much lipstick?” I ask.
“It’s fun. Each shade represents a piece of me. Like, when I bought them I was in a certain mood for a certain color. Every time I wear that color it reminds me of that part of myself.”
“What did you buy brown for?” I ask.
“Hazel and I bought it when I felt clever.” She wiggles her eyebrows.
“Shut up,” I playfully push her.
“Hey everyone has something about them that’s unique. My thing is lipstick.”
“What about lucky red, why did you buy that one?” I push.
“I actually bought it when I was with you. Remember that time we went to the mall a couple of years ago? When you wanted to buy that fur purse and I said that thing would only go good with a house fire.”
“Yes! I loved that purse.” I pout.
“It was hideous, anyway! I bought it that day. I was feeling lucky, I was going to tell you how I felt that day.”
“Well, the luck didn’t work for you then.”
“Sure it did, we kissed. Don’t you remember?”
“We did? When? Liar. I don’t remember that. I am pretty sure I would.”
“Well, it technically wasn’t a kiss but I felt like it was. Remember when we were at the food court horsing around. Trying to bite each other.
“We were so weird,” I shake my head before I do my mascara.
“Well, I went to bite your cheek remember?”
“Yeah, but we didn’t kiss.”
“Well, my lips just barely grazed your lips. And to me, it counted.”
“Shut up,” she playfully pushes me causing me to mess up.
“That so didn’t count.”
“Well it did to me, I felt lucky that day.”
“You are such a weirdo.” I tease as I redo my makeup.
“Hey, lucky red hasn’t failed me yet.”
After we were done getting dressed Josie took me out to a cool art museum. It’s a fairly new museum made by local artists. Each room was designed by an artist. Some rooms had cool futuristic themes, other super quirky themes.
We held hands the whole time. Josie was so sweet to me. Like when we walked into the rain room, a room where it is raining. Like literal water coming down. Of course, there is a path for you to stay dry but Josie grabbed my hand and twirled me around.
We started dancing, just like out of nowhere.
People giggled at us and called us cute.
My face was so red.
We ended up getting wet.
Luckily my makeup is waterproof.
“Look Kat,” Josie pulled me over to one of these big plasma globe things.
The sign in front of said if your color matches with someone else’s that person is your soul mate. The lightning has to connect or whatever. Lots of people were touching it, looking at all the pretty colors dance around the glass ball.
“Come on, let’s try,” Josie said.
She got on one side of the globe and I the other. I could hardly see her through the plasma storm inside the ball. Plus lots of people were touching it and making it go crazy. I stared at the glass and took a deep breath before putting my hand on it.
I giggled as white lightning tickled my hand.
Then it happened.
I know it was probably some stupid publicity thing on a timer or whatever that goes off randomly. But it still felt, magical. All the other lights went off and only a single strand of light connected mine and Josie’s hands.
I locked eyes with her through the glass.
She smiled and laughed.
I laughed too, but inside I felt all gooey and weird. I can’t explain it, I just feel like a big blob of myself. A pile of mush called Kat.
Everyone pointed at us and someone took our picture, and even if it was fake and staged, it felt real. I felt connected to her.
“Looks like we’re soulmates now,” Josie teased as she walked back over to me.
“Looks like it.”
“Come on,” she grabbed my hand and pulled me away.
We ended up in this projector room. The room was pitch black minus the small circle screens on the wall that projected various landscapes around the world. Almost as if they were portals to those places.
The room was pretty bland compared to the others so Josie and I basically had the whole room to ourselves.
We stood in front of a circle and I watch the projected scenery play all over her face.
“You okay, you’re acting weird.” She grabs my hands in her own.
“I am not!” I get defensive.
She raises an eyebrow.
God, don’t let me be falling for her too.
Don’t do this to me.
My life is already confusing as it is.
“Just tell me, I want this day to be perfect.” She frowns.
“It is perfect.”
“But I haven’t even taken you to our final destination.” She smirks.
I can’t take my eyes off her lips.
God, she’s so fucking beautiful.
Has she always been this pretty?
“You’re… you’re very pretty,” I say softly.
“Thanks,” she smiles.
I lean up and peck her on the lips.
She goes red in the face.
“Come on,” I pull her out of that room. “I wanna see this grand final destination.”
She buys me a souvenir from the gift shop and we drive downtown for lunch. This is where a symphony is playing. She pulls out a blanket and picnic basket and we eat out of the lawn as the music plays.
“This is cute, I would have never thought of this,” I say.
“I told you, I’m full of surprises.”
“Well it’s sweet, I like it.”
“Come here,” she pulls me onto her lap.
Then she rests her chin on my shoulder and slowly feeds me grapes as we watch and listen to the music.
I grab her free hand in my own and interlock our fingers.
I can’t believe it. Just like that, I’ve fallen under her spell. I’m a complete mess when I have a crush on someone. Josie of all people should know this. I find it hard to talk and I forget trains of thought and just basically become helpless.
It’s like my body forgets how to function.
My heart just goes whack and my brain follows shortly after.
I don’t know what I’m going to do.
Josie… what if… what if I love you too?