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The house : welcome home

The first incident

The first incident

Mar 18, 2021

the day after they went to class where they found some of their friends , after school Jess went back home , Rebecca stayed for extra classes and Lia went to town to get some stuff they needed and see the company she only texted or talked to by the phone for a year now , back home Jess started cleaning her room, when she heard a phone ring, she checked her phone that wasn’t ringing , they didn’t have a land phone eider so she was just turning her head trying to find the source of it , she then stopped and heard it from the floor , she bend down following it to finally find a bored from the floor a little opened , she removed it to find a little box with an old looking phone in it , like the one her grandmother treasured so mush , except this one was working , Jess picked up and heard nothing from the other side , so she putted it aside until the others got back and finished her cleaning , in the other side of town Sarah was shook to see how big and marvelous the company was , she fixed her hair and got in , the women instructed her to the second floor, she got in there and heeded to the director’s office , no it wasn’t an office , more like a hall apartment full of books and papers, he looked annoyed since she didn’t get an appointment she then said :

“I believe we spoke to each other before on phone, I’m Lia Jones my pen name is el. . . .”

He didn’t even let her finish when his eyes lightened p and he said:

“Ellie! The writer of our second bestselling book among our young ones! The one who created the master piece “nights of sorrow”! It’s you!!”

Lia looked embarrassed and said:

“Y …yes, that’s me”

The director then stated asking lots of question that Lia gladly answered it was all going well in tell he asked where she moved:

“Oh! It’s a place in the woods, the last house next to the town I think”

His smile faded away as he said:



“I Thought That place was Burnet already”

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sarahcrowwritings
sarah crows

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#new #mistery #horror #thriler #girllead #paranormal #supernatural

Comments (2)

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CharlotteCorday
CharlotteCorday

Top comment

Hi! I like your pacing and the mood you're setting so far. I am guessing that you are very new to writing and don't know much about story formatting.

For example, dialog is always indicated, at least in American English, by double quotation marks, like this: Rebecca answered, "It must have been put there by the previous owners. You moved it when you hit those boxes. Sarah, calm down."

That is how you have to write dialog. Unless you become successful enough like Cormac McCarthy, and then you can write any way you like, but first you have to learn how to do it like everybody else.

It's like looking at very, very early Picasso works, which look very conventional and realistic. He had to learn how to be an artist before he started innovating.

When you write a story, you are taking readers on a journey through a new country. Your country. Taking someone on a journey successfully means you have to make a path for them to walk on, and that path is the formatting.

If your formatting is unconventional, bumpy, and difficult to navigate, readers won't see the beauty of the country around them because they're focusing on not tripping over their feet. I've also noticed lots of run-on sentences, punctuation errors, and mistakes like using who's when you should have used 'whose'.

From what I've seen in your bio, you want to be a writer. From what I have read, I believe you have the instinct and the talent for it. I know you can learn how to format your story so everybody else can see these things too.

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The first incident

The first incident

241 views 13 likes 2 comments


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