The first incident
Mar 18, 2021
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Hi! I like your pacing and the mood you're setting so far. I am guessing that you are very new to writing and don't know much about story formatting.
For example, dialog is always indicated, at least in American English, by double quotation marks, like this: Rebecca answered, "It must have been put there by the previous owners. You moved it when you hit those boxes. Sarah, calm down."
That is how you have to write dialog. Unless you become successful enough like Cormac McCarthy, and then you can write any way you like, but first you have to learn how to do it like everybody else.
It's like looking at very, very early Picasso works, which look very conventional and realistic. He had to learn how to be an artist before he started innovating.
When you write a story, you are taking readers on a journey through a new country. Your country. Taking someone on a journey successfully means you have to make a path for them to walk on, and that path is the formatting.
If your formatting is unconventional, bumpy, and difficult to navigate, readers won't see the beauty of the country around them because they're focusing on not tripping over their feet. I've also noticed lots of run-on sentences, punctuation errors, and mistakes like using who's when you should have used 'whose'.
From what I've seen in your bio, you want to be a writer. From what I have read, I believe you have the instinct and the talent for it. I know you can learn how to format your story so everybody else can see these things too.
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