Contrary to what Rory had assumed, Joshua heard every word of his conversation with Derek.

Frowning, Joshua stands from the ground feeling foolish, angry, and embarrassed as hell. Foolish because he should have known better than to mess with someone like Rory Carter, someone who isn’t as straight as he claims to be. Joshua is angry because he has no one to blame but himself for his feelings being crushed, and he’s embarrassed at how he and Rory had almost gotten caught by Derek. 

Joshua’s gut tells him that Rory wouldn’t have been honest with his friend about what he’d been doing up here with Joshua, basically forcing Joshua into being Rory’s dirty little secret. But to hell with that. Joshua is out and proud; he’ll never be anyone’s dirty secret.

Not even for his beloved Rory Carter.

“I should get going,” Joshua mutters while straightening out his clothes, adding disappointment to the list of things that he’s feeling right now.

There’d been a part of Joshua, a very small part, that thought he and Rory had made a connection earlier. Turns out Joshua was wrong. So fucking wrong.

Joshua means nothing to Rory Carter. He’s just another warm body to Rory, nothing more. Joshua’s gender never mattered because if he had been a girl, the outcome of tonight would have remained the same—Rory would have had his fun and then he would have kicked Joshua out because he doesn’t allow one-night stands to sleep over. And that would have been the end of whatever had been building between them tonight, or so that’s what Joshua thought.

“Get going? But you don’t have to…” Rory pauses, unsure how to proceed as he watches Joshua’s demeanor shift right before his eyes. The boy had gone from carefree to guarded and Rory doesn’t know why. He doesn’t know why Joshua is staring at him like he’s the scum of the earth.

Rory warily takes a step forward, and then another until he’s standing before Joshua, looking down at him. Rory raises a hand to touch Joshua’s face, wanting to feel close to him again, but the boy turns away at the last second. The rejection is like a slap to the face. Rory blinks, internally panicking as he tries to think about what he could have possibly done wrong. 

"Why won't you let me touch you?” Rory asks.

"Because you have a girlfriend," Joshua whispers, his heart breaking as he says the words out loud. "Had I known about her, I never would have let you…” Joshua sighs, shaking his head. “Just forget it. It’ll be best if we put all this behind us and pretend it never happened.” 

"Joshua, wait—slow down for a minute,” Rory pleads, confused. “What do you mean I have a girlfriend? Because I definitely don't have one and haven’t had one for a while. I can look you in the eyes and swear to you that I’m single."

"Then who the hell is Hailey? That guy that you were just talking to called her your girl," Joshua snaps, becoming defensive. "You've got me out here unintentionally causing problems for people that I don't even know! Honestly, you should have said something about her before we started messing around. Why didn’t you? Why didn’t you stop me—”

"Joshua, you’ve got it all wrong." Rory laughs, knowing this is all a big misunderstanding. "Hailey is not my girlfriend. Sure, back in the day she used to be, but she’s not anymore. She and I have been separated for ages, but we still keep in touch and hang out occasionally because we managed to remain friends. That's it. That's the whole truth, I promise.”

“Bullshit,” Joshua scoffs, crossing his arms. "Friends with your ex? Someone who I assume looks like a mega hot supermodel, and you expect me to believe that you two are just friends...how in the world does that even work?" Joshua questions. Rory simply shrugs his shoulders, not having an immediate answer. "Exactly. I’m done here."

Joshua pushes Rory aside after Rory tries to grab for his hands.

"Why, though? We were having such a good time! Please don’t let what you heard between me and Derek get you all riled up. Hailey is seriously just a friend." Rory cups Joshua by the chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. "I can see it written all over your face, even written in your pretty brown eyes…I know you're not ready for this night to end."

Joshua hadn’t been kidding about leaving. He pushes Rory back before he can lean down to steal a kiss. “I meant what I said. I’m done.”

“But—” Rory starts.

“No,” Joshua cuts Rory off, adding some bass to his voice. "I don't know if what you said about Hailey is true, that you two really are just friends, but regardless of that, I can't keep doing...whatever the fuck it is that we've been doing up until now. I can't when you still haven't given me an answer for my question from earlier."

Joshua takes this moment to steady himself as he and Rory stare each other down. The tension between them is thick, both of them slowly suffocating because of it.

“You’re not going to let this go, are you?” Rory sighs, running both hands through his hair.

"I-I just need to know, okay? For my own piece of mind,” Joshua stammers, his confidence waning. “Online, I've only seen you with women, but tonight you've been fooling around with me like you do this shit on the regular and I...I’m sorry if it seems like I’m putting you on the spot. I’m not trying to. I just really need to know where you stand. I need to know because I’m not out here trying to be anyone’s test drive.”

Rory is almost at a loss for words. “Test drive? Joshua, I would never…”

“Wait, that’s not what I—”

“I don’t stand anywhere,” Rory answers sharply, beginning to shut down. "I’m not suddenly homo just because we kissed a few times tonight. Women are and will continue to be what I prefer. None of that has changed.” Rory pauses to soften his tone after Joshua's eyes begin to water. “That’s probably not the response that you wanted, but…but you shouldn't have backed me into a corner like that. It wasn’t fair.”

“You’re right,” Joshua says. "I apologize again if I’ve made you uncomfortable. That honestly wasn’t my intention."

“Joshua, you don’t have to cry—”

“I’ll see myself out. Have a good night.” Joshua hates breaking down in front of people, even his closest friends. He rushes out of Rory’s bedroom before the tears start falling, ignoring Rory calling after him as he sprints downstairs to find Lucas.

Hopefully, the redhead is all sexed out and ready to get the hell out of here as well. Joshua would’ve left without him had that not been against best friend code—never ever leave your inebriated friend alone at a party. Joshua tries to look on the bright side. The night hadn’t been a total bust, at least not for Lucas. Joshua wishes that he could have had as much fun as Lucas did tonight. Unfortunately, we can’t always get what we want.

And in Joshua’s case, who we want.