“Theodore Williams?”

“Here!” I raised my hand high up in the air when I heard my name being shouted.

“Sabrina Windsor?” continued my homeroom teacher, Mrs. Quentin, who was a chubby and short, almost fifty-year-old woman with long, curly hair and a pair of glasses.

I put my hand down and waited patiently with the other students while Mrs. Quentin shouted the last name on her list.

It was the final day of our adventure-filled, week-long field trip. We’d spent the entire week rock-climbing, canoeing, hiking and studying, so we all were exhausted, but happy. I could see wide smiles wherever I looked.

The afternoon was nice and warm even though winter was coming. We were far from home, and I wished we didn’t need to leave the resort where we were staying. It was colder where I lived, but that wasn’t the only reason I didn’t want to return home.

I sighed when I thought about the next day, but I refused to give in to my sadness. There was a chance my life was going to change for the better within the next few hours, and that cheered me up.

“All right, everyone, listen up!” Mrs. Quentin spoke with a loud voice, waking me up from my thoughts. “After dinner, you have the rest of the day off. You know the rules, and do not leave the camping site!” she added, talking directly to the notorious troublemaker of our class, a guy named Deon Steele. “That’s all!”

I cheered with the rest of the students. Everyone was happy that we had the entire day to do whatever we wanted, but to me, it was also important. That day was going to be very special to me.

I turned my attention to my best friend, Beau Silver. God, even his name was beautiful. I’d never met a boy as beautiful as him. He had gorgeous golden-brown eyes, and chopped, tawny hair. His face was pure perfection. He had high cheekbones and a straight nose, and his silky skin was smooth and flawless. He was tall and toned, and his voice was honey to my ears. He was an amazing person. I’d been watching him for months, and he really was perfect.

And I had a severe crush on him. I’d been in love with him as long as I could remember, and my longing for him was only growing stronger. I’d known for a while that I was gay, but I’d never found the courage to tell anyone about it. Homophobia was too strong in my home city, so I had decided to keep it to myself.

However, I couldn’t live in a lie anymore. I’d decided weeks ago to tell Beau how I felt about him by the end of this field trip. I’d tried coming out to him countless times before, but I’d never had enough courage to actually say those words. I knew if I wouldn’t confess my feelings to Beau by the end of the day, I would never have the guts to tell him.

“Come,” Beau said and touched my arm lightly. “I want to go to the lake after dinner.”

“Me too!” I practically squealed.

It would be so much more romantic if I told him about my feelings by the lake! It would make such a pretty scene for us. I just wished we’d be left alone… I knew I wouldn’t be able to confess to him if there was someone else listening.

Because I was already getting nervous…

I followed Beau to the cafeteria. The entire time, I stared at his strong back and tried to mimic his graceful walk. He walked like he was the king of the universe. Everyone who stood in his path gave him the way, and I almost expected them to bow their heads to him. They should’ve done so simply because he was Beau. He deserved to be respected like that.

I knew how weird my thoughts were, but I worshiped him and everything about him and related to him. It wasn’t just because of his looks or because I was in love with him. He had saved me. Because of him, I was still sane and alive.

My mom, Hannah, passed away when I was just fourteen years old, but she wasn’t the only one I had lost. My dad, Derek, never got over her death. He stopped being my dad and turned into a mean old drunk who kept yelling at me and my brother. And my brother, Allen… He wasn’t in his right mind anymore.

I wouldn’t have survived losing my whole family if it weren’t for Beau. He kept me company and comforted me when I had no one else. He was my hero and my savior, so it didn’t take me long to start growing strong feelings for him.

When we sat down to eat our spaghetti, l wondered why Beau was friends with someone like me. I had been trying to figure it out for ages, but I never understood why he was wasting his time with me.

I mean, I wasn’t anything special. I was just a scrawny, short kid with a few acne scars, boring blue eyes and even more boring black hair that was always hanging in front of my eyes. I wasn’t smart or athletic or artistic. I wasn’t anything, really. I had no special skills of any kind, unless being clumsy and awkward all the time counted.

And yet, Beau wanted to be friends with me.

I peered at him while he talked to his friend, Sean, who was big, arrogant, and the complete opposite of me. He was kind of my friend too, but I never really had the courage to talk to anyone else except Beau. Though as long as I had Beau, I didn’t mind. He was all I needed in my life.

Once we were done eating, and we left the cafeteria, Beau gestured for me to follow him without saying a word. I had a wide smile on my face the entire time as he led the way to the lake. We were the first two people to arrive… I was suddenly so nervous I could hardly breathe…

But it was time. This was it. The moment I’d waited for so long already…

“I really like this place,” Beau said when we sat down on the warm sand. “It’s so peaceful.”

“I really like this place too,” I hastily repeated his words like a parrot without sparing a single look at our surroundings.

Beau gave me a smile, but he didn’t continue talking. His smile took my breath away…

There was nothing but silence surrounding us while I gathered all the courage I could muster to speak the words I’d wanted to say for months. Beau was playing with the sand, completely oblivious to my struggle. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He was so mesmerizingly beautiful.

I knew I had to speak up right then and there, so I opened my mouth, and without thinking any further, or hesitating any longer, I spoke the words I’d longed to say for so long…

“Beau… I like you.”

Beau chuckled without looking at me. “Where did that come from?” he asked lightly.

“I mean it. I really like you,” I said, getting up on my knees.

“Guys aren’t supposed to say such things,” he said nonchalantly.

I took a deep breath. Beau clearly didn’t understand what I was trying to tell him.

“Beau. I’m…” I paused to savor that one tiny moment when I’d finally taken the chance. “I’m gay, and I… I like you. A lot.”

There. I said it.

I watched as Beau slowly turned to look at me. He wasn’t smiling anymore.

“What?” he asked with a frown.

“I really like you,” I repeated my words, but my voice wasn’t as strong anymore.

And at that moment, when it was far too late, I knew I had made a huge mistake. I could read it on Beau’s face. He just stared at me, his expression changing from shock to anger. I knew what he was going to say before he had even opened his mouth.

“Are you serious?” he asked. “Fags are disgusting! Don’t make jokes like that!”

“Beau–” I whispered, trying to take his hand, but he stood up and glared down at me. “I’m not…”

“So you are serious?! You’re a… you’re a fag?” Beau shouted, taking a step away from me. “A fucking fag…” he muttered and brushed his hand through his hair.

“Beau, please…” I stood up too and tried to get closer to him. “It’s all right, Beau, don’t be like that, please…” I was about to cry in fear of losing him. “Can we just talk? Let me explain!”

“Don’t touch me!” he hissed and stepped back when I reached for his hand in hopes of stopping him from leaving me. “Don’t you dare come close to me ever again!”

“No, please, don’t go,” I said, sniffing hard, but after giving me one last disgusted glance, he sprung around and left so fast he almost ran. “Beau!” 

I shouted after him a moment longer until tears started running down my cheeks.

I’d tried to prepare myself for being rejected. I’d always known my chances were slim, because even if Beau considered dating boys, someone like me wouldn’t be his first choice. I’d tried to brace myself to get rejected… But not like this.

Not like this. 

I never considered he’d say such things. I’d never even imagined he could be so mean to anyone. I’d always thought Beau wouldn’t say those words to anyone, especially to me. Not my Beau… The kind and sweet Beau… But he did. 

And he did a lot more than just that.

I didn’t follow him to the camp. I collapsed on the ground and sat there on the warm sand, crying my heart and soul out. At that moment, my whole world came crashing down. I had no idea how to get up anymore. I didn’t have the strength to do so. I believed I had just lost everything. The pain in my heart was so severe I wished for death to end it all.

But my story didn’t end there at that lake.

It was where it started.

LET'S DO THIS!

I will first post all the edited chapters of Book 1 once a day until we reach the end, and I already have several chapters for book 2 ready to go :3 

It's been 10 years, but now I will finish this story!