“Theodore Williams?”

“Here!” I raised my hand high up in the air when I heard my name being shouted.

“Sabrina Windsor?” continued my homeroom teacher, Mrs. Quentin, who was a chubby and short, almost fifty-year-old woman with long, curly hair and a pair of glasses.

I put my hand down and waited patiently with the other students while Mrs. Quentin shouted the last name on her list.

It was the last day of our adventure-filled, week-long field trip. We had spent the entire week rock-climbing, canoeing, hiking and studying. We all were exhausted, but happy; I could see wide smiles wherever I looked.

The afternoon was nice and warm, even though the winter was coming. We were far from home, and I wished we didn’t need to leave the resort where we were staying at. It was colder where I lived, but that wasn’t the only reason why I didn’t want to return home.

I sighed when I thought about the next day, but I refused to give in to my sadness. There was a chance that my life would change for the better within the next few hours. That thought cheered me up.

“All right, everyone, listen up!” Mrs. Quentin spoke with a loud voice, waking me up from my thoughts. “After dinner you have the rest of the day off. You know the rules, and do not leave the camping site!” she seemed to be talking directly to the notorious troublemaker of our class, a guy named Deon Steele. “That’s all!”

I cheered with the rest of the students. Everyone seemed happy that we had the entire day to do whatever we wanted, but to me it was also important. That day was going to be really special to me.

I turned to look at my best friend, Beau Silver. Oh God, even his name was beautiful. I had never met a boy as beautiful as him. He had gorgeous golden-brown eyes, and chopped, tawny hair. His face was pure perfection; he had high cheekbones and a straight nose, and his silky skin was smooth and flawless. He was tall and toned, and his voice was honey to my ears. He was an amazing person. I’d been watching him for months, and he truly was perfect.

I had a severe crush on him. I had been in love with him as long as I could remember and my longing for him was only growing stronger. I had known for a while that I was gay, but I had never told anyone about it. Homophobia was too strong in my home city, so I had decided to keep it to myself.

However, I couldn’t live in a lie anymore. I had decided weeks ago that I would tell Beau how I felt about him by the end of the field trip. I had tried coming out to him countless of times before, but always chickened out. I knew if I wouldn’t confess my feelings to Beau by the end of the day, I would never have the guts to tell him.

“Come,” Beau said and touched my arm lightly. “I want to go to the lake after dinner.”

“Me too!” I almost squealed.

It would be more romantic if I told him about my feelings by the lake! It was so pretty there. I wished we’d be alone – I wouldn’t be able to confess to him if there was someone else listening.

I followed Beau to the cafeteria, staring at his strong back and trying to mimic his graceful walk. He walked like he was the king of the universe. Everyone who stood in his path gave him the way, and I almost expected them to bow their heads to him. They should have done so, just because he was Beau. He deserved to be respected.

I knew how weird my thoughts were, but I literally worshipped him. It wasn’t just because of his looks, or because I was in love with him. He had saved me. Because of him, I was still sane, and alive.

My mom, Hannah, passed away when I was just fourteen years old, but she wasn’t the only one I had lost. My dad, Derek, never got over her death. He stopped being my dad, and turned into a mean old drunk, who kept yelling at me and my brother. And my brother, Allen… He wasn’t in his right mind anymore.

I wouldn’t have survived after losing my whole family, if it wasn’t for Beau. He kept me company and comforted me when I had no one else. He was my hero, and my savior, so it didn’t take me long to start growing strong feelings for him.

When we sat down to eat our spaghetti, l wondered why Beau was friends with someone like me. I had been trying to figure it out for ages, but I never understood why he was wasting his time with me.

I mean, I wasn’t anything special. I was just a scrawny short kid with a few acne scars, boring blue eyes and even more boring black hair that was always hanging in front of my eyes. I wasn’t smart, or athletic, or artistic either. I had no special skills of any kind, except being clumsy and awkward all the time.

And yet, Beau wanted to be friends with me.

I peeked at him when he wasn’t looking at me. He was talking to his friend, Sean, who was big, arrogant and the complete opposite of me. He was kind of my friend too, but I never really talked to anyone else except Beau. I was too shy to talk to anyone else, but as long as I had Beau, I didn’t mind. He was all I needed in my life.

When we were done eating, Beau gestured to me to follow him. I had a wide smile on my face while he led the way to the lake. We were the only two people there, and I started to feel really nervous.

It was time.

“I love this place,” Beau said when we sat down on the warm sand. “It’s so peaceful.”

“I love this place too,” I repeated his words like a parrot, without sparing a look at our surroundings.

Beau gave me a smile, but he didn’t continue talking. His smile took my breath away, and suddenly I was extremely nervous.

There was nothing but silence around us while I gathered all the courage I could muster to speak the words I’d wanted to say for months. Beau was playing with the sand, being completely oblivious to my struggle. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He was so mesmerizingly beautiful.

I knew I had to speak up right then and there, so I opened my mouth, and without thinking any further, or hesitating any longer, I spoke, “Beau… I like you.”

Beau chuckled without looking at me. “Where did that come from?” he asked lightly.

“I mean it. I really like you,” I said, getting up on my knees.

“Guys aren’t supposed to say such things,” he said nonchalantly.

I took a deep breath. Beau clearly didn’t understand what I was trying to tell him.

“Beau. I’m…” I paused for a moment, savoring that one tiny moment when I had finally taken the chance, “I’m gay, and I… I like you. A lot.”

There. I said it.

I watched Beau turning to look at me, and he wasn’t smiling anymore.

“What?” he asked shortly with a frown.

“I really like you,” I repeated my words, but my voice wasn’t as strong anymore.

At that moment, I knew I had made a huge mistake. I just knew it in my heart, and I could read it on Beau’s face. He just stared at me, and I watched as his expression changed from shock to anger. I knew what he was going to say before he had even opened his mouth.

“Are you serious?” he asked. “Fags are disgusting! Don’t make jokes like that!”

“Beau–” I whispered, trying to take his hand, but he stood up and glared down at me. “I’m not…”

“So you are serious?! You’re a… you’re a fag?” Beau shouted, taking a step away from me. “A fucking fag…” he muttered, and brushed his hand through his hair anxiously.

“Beau, please!” I stood up too and tried to get closer to him. “It’s all right, Beau, don’t be like that, please…” I was about to cry in fear of losing him. “Can we just talk? Let me explain!”

“Don’t touch me!” he hissed when I reached for his hand, trying to stop him from escaping. “Don’t you dare come close to me ever again!”

“Beau!” I shouted after him, just before my tears started running down on my cheeks.

I had tried to prepare myself for being rejected. I had always known my chances were slim, and even if Beau would consider dating boys, I wouldn’t be his first choice. I had braced myself for him turning me down, but I had never even imagined that he could be so mean to anyone. I had never thought that Beau could say those words to me. Not my Beau, the kind and sweet Beau…

But he did. And he did a lot more than just that.

I didn’t follow him to the main building. I collapsed on the ground, and sat there on the warm sand, crying my heart and soul out. At that moment, my whole world seemed to come crashing down. I had no idea how to get up anymore. I didn’t have the strength to do so. I believed I had just lost everything. The pain in my heart was so severe I wished for death to end it all.

But my story didn’t end there at that lake.

It was where it started.