“Where are we going?” It felt like we’d been winding around the outer edge of New York City for hours.

“We are going…” she paused as she looked out the windshield, clearly searching for something in the distance. “There.” She pointed to a sign at the end of the road. I squinted as I tried to read it. It was pointing toward another road, giving directions to… Coney Island?

“Why?”

“You do know there’s a huge amusement park there, right? We’re going to ride some roller coasters.”

“Roller coasters? Umm, I don’t, exactly…”

“Today you do! Remember the rule?” she said, smiling. I sighed – why had I agreed? All it had gotten me so far was some seriously messed up hair and a destroyed shirt. Not exactly a good deal.

I’d never ridden a roller coaster. My high school’s senior trip was to an amusement park a few years ago, but Mama hadn’t let me go. I didn’t really want to, anyway – it’s not like I had a ton of friends to make memories with before the year ended.

Before I knew it we were inside the gate, tickets in hand, and I was deeply regretting my decision to wear the thin sweater I’d had on at the diner. It may have been the only decent shirt I had, but Maine weather and New York weather were two very different beasts; I was dying from the heat within minutes of getting out of the air-conditioned car, even though I’d been chilly in Maine just a week or so before in the same shirt. I eyed the overpriced souvenir shirts enviously, seriously wishing I had some money of my own to buy one instead of having to ask Mitta to pay so much for what should’ve been a cheap old t-shirt.

“Come on,” she said, pulling my hand and smiling. I looked around as we walked, discovering that we were headed straight toward a giant wooden roller coaster.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. We’re not riding that.”

“Oh yes we are. You ever ridden a roller coaster?”

“Nope.”

“Didn’t think so. It’s really not that bad – just keep your head on the headrest thingy, close your eyes if you need to, and it’s fun!”

“I don’t really find feeling-like-I-could-die fun.”

“Oh come on! It doesn’t feel like you’re going to die. And it’s only like two minutes – can you make it through two minutes?” Two minutes. That’s how long I’d sat in that bank bathroom when it felt like an eternity. That’s how long it took for everything I thought I knew to crumble down, fitting neatly into my glovebox to be ignored.

But I’d gotten through it. If I could get through those two minutes, I could get through these two, right? I shoved the memory back out of my head – I could deal with it tomorrow. 

Today, I was going to try to have fun. Try.

“Okay, yeah. I can do it.”

“That’s the spirit!” she said as we stepped into line. “So tell me – what have you done? Because as far as I can tell, it seems like your entire life has been spent unwillingly going to church and moving from Mexico.”

“Umm, I go to college? I just finished my junior year studying political science.”

“Wow… exciting.” I just nodded.

“I’m going to law school after I graduate.” I paused. “Was going to, I guess. What about you?”

“I… I studied art last year.” She paused and just barely shook her head. “So what else do you do with your life?”

“Umm… I guess I read when I have time. I work. That’s about it.”

“Seriously? Jeezus – you don’t even know what life is yet. Come on; we’re up!” she said as the line moved and we got through the gates. We climbed into a seat in the middle of the cart and I watched as people filled in around us. There was a little boy right in front of me – probably 10 or 11 – grinning from ear to ear as he got into the seat. He turned around toward us.

“I rode this four times already!” Then he turned back around and the workers started coming down the line. If a little kid could do this and have fun, then so could I. It would be fine. Right?

The workers pulled a large padded bar down over our laps and locked it into place so I couldn’t move. Soon, the machines started clanking, and we started to creep forward.

“You ready?” asked Mitta with a smile. I was about to say yes, but we started up the first hill. Higher and higher, away from safety, away from any chance of changing my mind.

I shook my head, clutching the bar in front of me and not daring to look outside of the cart. “Remember what I said? Try closing your eyes.” Okay, sure. Nothing to lose, right? So I closed them. After a few seconds I felt the cart balance at the top of the hill and I swear my heart completely stopped, knowing that we were about-

We plunged. The wind tore at my hair and slammed me back into the seat as I hurdled toward the ground, everyone else’s screams flooding my ears along with the rumbling of the cart on the tracks. I was just about to risk taking a peek, just to see how close we were to crashing, when the cart pulled back up, and we were going around a curve, and back down. Up. Down. Around. Up. Down. Down. I couldn’t think about anything but the wind in my face and the feeling of being about to crash into the ground, only to stop at the very last second and go back up.