Staring through the glass of the display case at the designer treats; I found my mouth watering. “My she seems happier today.” said a lady behind the counter of the commissary.

“Yes, she is.” Vanity said who stood behind me.

In delight I replied, “I get to go to the beach today.”

“Oh my wow, well, aren’t you the lucky girl.” she let out a chuckle as she wrapped the fudge Vanity had purchased for me.

My time at the hospital had been pleasant mostly up to this point. I spent my time exploring the network of tunnels and dreamlike gardens. The whole enclosure was rather expansive. Days like today were my favorite, though; days where I got to leave the facilities and travel outside. To think I was in Luxmeer on the other side of the world, an ocean apart from Krasimer, my home country.

Even still, I could not shake the feeling there was something being hidden from me. No one ever discussed the exact nature of my “disease”. The only thing I knew is that I had it and whatever “it” was is deadly and destroying me. Outside of those vague terms, no one answered any of my questions. Though I came to realize people discussed it among themselves. As much as I attempted to lace the subject into conversations, it resulted in failure none the less.

~

Chilly rivers rolled down my bare legs, leaving puddles in my prints. Swirling in them are little critters which float about inside the pools. The feeling of sand between my toes was a welcome sensation as I tread upon the soggy shoreline. A gentle breeze blew that day, catching my locks in their streams. As the incoming tide rolled in, I danced to avoid the stretching wake. “This is great.” I shouted gleefully. Across the beach, Vanity rested atop a clean towel. Beside her, Cody sat along with another recent friend named Azamoth. The other people on the beach were unfamiliar and paid little to no mind to our little group. It was almost as if they were not there; shadows which wandered and faded away.

Swimming was a pleasant respite from the dreary days inside the hospital grounds. After getting my fill of the shore, I made my way back to the group who were chatting among themselves. “So, Primina, how was it?” Vanity asked chipper as usual.

Unable to contain my excitement, I released a boastful “Wonderful!”

I admired Cody’s perfect teeth whenever he smiled; a proud glint rested in his eyes that day. As if he saw a job well done in me. “You are moving a lot better than last week. It is great to see the therapy has been working for you.” I nodded, happy too with the results. For the first few days I was convinced I would never walk again without pain. Gladly though, the pain faded. Now I almost could ignore it, for the most part.

Small fragments of beaches lay buried in mind, like whispers of a history lost to childhood. There were faces there, but missing all the same, hollowed artifices of what once was.

Azamoth’s usual wolfish grin bares from his thin lips. “The beach is nice, but nothing seems to be enough to keep this dreaded boredom from consuming everything.”

Following Azamoth’s little quip, Vanity lets out a chuckle that wreaked of a nervine scent. “Azamoth,” she chided. “How can you be so negative? We just had the most interesting thing happen in years.” Vanity had proven to be a loyal friend, one that I was very much fond of. As much as I did not know about the origins of these people, I found a deep trust seated itself in me for Vanity.

As for Cody, he too often tagged along and I suspected he was observing me for purposes unknown. Though I still found him kind.

As for Azamoth; he always dressed in a suit, acted more nonchalant than the others. In some ways, I found him to be the only genuine person around; while by some unspoken law was bound from speaking his mind. At least that was the impression that I had come to. Most people around the hospital were friendly and playful. It had not taken me long to realize I was the only person my age. Lucky, the others made it easy enough to forget.

“What was that interesting thing?” I dared to ask.

Vanity and Cody looked at each other, but Azamoth he looked me right in the eyes. “You.”

Cody raised an eyebrow, giving Azamoth a covered up crossed glare. “Funny Azamoth. Way to make someone feel uncomfortable.” With a wink, Azamoth shot out a loud cackle. “Saying things like that with a straight face and she may think you are being serious.”

It really didn’t make me feel uncomfortable. Then again, I didn’t think he was joking either. Something about it felt as though he was being honest.

“You two stop it. We are here to relax, not have some petty squabble.” Vanity chimes. I do my best to pretend that I have not noticed that all eyes are shifting onto me. In these moments I feel as though I am a sheep among wolves. The uncomfortable suggestions from their expressions always brought dread. One which I could not ease from constantly rearing its unwelcome face.

Something else that bothered me about my stay in “stasis”; no one would tell me how long I had actually been in stasis. My strategy so far on gathering information has been to lay small, innocent, sometimes carefully phrased to even sound naïve, questions. During this brief moment of levity would be the perfect time to attempt one of my little questions. “Azamoth, how old are you?” The question is subtle enough, and through it I could figure out when he was born. His reaction, however, was laughter. I had not expected that. Cody sits upright, diverting his gaze to the side. A smile behind me crosses Vanity’s face, artificial as can be but none the less painted on as her impenetrable garment. A mask that has become familiar. “Well, I don’t think it is a funny question?” I pout.

“Well then, my dear? How old are you?” Azamoth asked.

My face fell as I mouthed the question back. “How old am I?” And yet my mind gave no reply. How could I have forgotten something so personal, something so simple as my age? Stasis had scrambled most of my memories but this, not remembering my age. Narrations in someone else’s words were all that remained; fragments of a forgotten history. The spreading realization troubled me, especially when tangible details are simply gone from thin air, ones so key to my person. “I don‘t know? How old am I?” I begrudgingly replied.

“Well, when the youngest among us is the eldestest whose to say.” I will never forget the glare Azamoth gave to Cody. It was as though they were stabbing knives. “Well, why not tell her how old she is?”

“I don’t know.” Cody bluntly groaned. “It, it is not important.”

“Well, how old does she look?”

Cody furrowed his brow, reflecting Azamoth’s glare. I figured whatever Azamoth was poking at, Cody did not want me to hear. “What does it matter?”

“Come on, look at her. What is she, a teenager? Pre-teen? Huh? How old?” Cody’s face straightened out, his composure returning. “Judging by her body, I will guess maybe twelve but you could be as old as fifteen.”

“But how old am I really?” Silence between the group returned. “You guys know but you won’t tell me. I get it. You don’t want me to know how long I have been in stasis.” I pouted, hoping that fawning sadness would bring out some sort of pity. “I don’t know why you don’t want me to know.”

“We don’t know how long you have been in stasis.” Vanity assures. “To be honest, no one in the hospital knows exactly how long you were in stasis.”

There it was, the big secret let out. “So what else won’t you tell me?” But how was that possible? My records must have shown it.

Cody shook his head. “A lot. It is for your own good not to question it. Just know that we are protecting you, Primina. A kid doesn’t need to know the weight of the world’s problems. You should just be happy you are out of stasis and safe. Just accept things for what they are.” The words came sharp; my eyes turned glassy as I gazed into Cody’s firm face. After a few moments, his lips softened into a pout. “It is not my choice. Just as they do not allow you to know, I may not tell you. Trust me, it is hard.”

I opened my eyes to a bright, blinding light. I remember looking to my side to see cables and cords hanging across my skin as I rested in a chair. A shriek of horror escaped my mouth as the people in the room look at me with wide eyes. Their expressions are masked with glossy plastic face masks. A rubber gloved hand quickly covers my mouth, silencing me. I struggled against their grip as a foul taste enters my mouth; and go limp into that familiar darkness.

~

I woke up sometime later in my bed. Vanity was sitting at the foot of my bed with a concerned look on her face. “You’re awake.” My lids were still heavy and my body felt weak. I moved to sit up, but Vanity puts her hand on my chest. “Don’t get up, you had a seizure.”

I didn’t have a seizure. “I was at the beach and I woke up in a room. I didn’t have a seizure Vanity.”

“You did, you woke up when they were treating you.” Vanity lied. “It is ok, it happens.” I didn’t know why she would lie to me, but she must have her reasons I considered. As for what happened, I am not sure. All I know is I was at the beach one moment and in a room surrounded by doctors in the next. Then again perhaps she was not lying…

~

Months pass...