The knock at my door instantly makes me smile.

I know that it’s Aiden. Today is the last day before City Hall closes for Christmas, and he promised to come over when he wrapped up. I finished my shift at the shop already, had my lesson with Ellen. I’m free for the rest of the night, and so is my Companion Plant.

I get to my feet and toss my gardening gloves on the coffee table, hoping that there’s no topsoil on my face. I’m looking forward to a little free time with Aiden. No case, no work, just us.

But as soon as I open the door, my smile drops away.

Aiden looks ridiculously good in his work clothes, as always. But his jaw is tensed, his eyes blazing with frustration. He gives me the sense of a bristling animal with all of its fur standing on end.

“What happ-?” I begin, and Aiden cuts me off by shoving something into my hands.

He strides past me into my apartment, wrenching off his jacket. He tosses it onto my couch, then runs a shaking hand over his mouth.

I close the door, looking down at the silver gift box he just handed me. I open it up, and take a look at the contents.

Inside is a small bag of caramelized popcorn, nestled on some tissue paper. Beside it, a mini bottle of whiskey. Tucked between the two is a little notecard, which reads:

To our valued City Hall employees - Happy Holidays! Your hard work and dedication are appreciated. Enjoy your Christmas spirits!

“I came back to my office from the archives,” Aiden growls, “And found it sitting on my fucking desk.”

I look up at him, my heart sinking. “Didn’t Gabby-?”

“I already asked her,” Aiden snaps. “She didn’t fucking know. She’s not in charge of this, and she doesn’t have to approve it. She felt terrible about it, said she’d make a new policy so it doesn’t happen again. So I guess I ruined it for everyone, right? Just because I…”

He trails off, blue eyes flashing, his jaw working. I hesitate, trying to think of what to say, but Aiden keeps going before I can say anything at all.

“You know how easy it would be?” Suddenly he’s almost shouting. “For me to down that whole fucking bottle and get rid of it, and no one would know, no one would even fucking know-”

He breaks off sharply, realizing all at once that he’s yelling at me. He puts his trembling hands over his mouth.

“I’m sorry,” he stammers. “Fuck, I’m so fucking sorry, I’m just - just-”

I drop the box, and go to him.

I push Aiden’s hands away from his face, spread mine on his chest, and walk him backwards until he’s pressed against the wall. He doesn’t put up any resistance, but I can tell that he’s confused, doesn’t know what I’m doing.

I put my forehead to his, and open the connection through my hands.

Don’t, Jamie. I sense Aiden struggling to put up his barriers. He’s trying to hold back his emotions from me, but not succeeding. You don’t want to feel this, trust me.

It’s okay, I say softly, pushing a kiss onto his lips. It’s okay, it’s okay…

I can tell it makes Aiden nervous, to let me feel him when he’s so upset.

It’s alright. He doesn’t know that I’ve been drawing him out of his nightmares, that I’m getting very good at balancing his feelings with mine. The storm of his emotions comes spilling through, hits me like a gut punch. It kicks the breath out of my lungs, but I manage to hold it together.

There’s a silence, and then Aiden bites his lip, drops his head. A huge surge of misery and humiliation floods through the connection.

I hate for you to see me like this, Jamie…

It’s okay, Aiden, honestly. I tighten my arms around him. I know that you’re working on your problems, but I love you for who you are. Not who you might be someday in the future.

But all I do is ruin everything. Aiden squeezes his eyes shut. Ruined Gabby’s day, I’m sure, and now yours, too, and there’s going to have to be a whole new policy and nobody else can have this stuff in their gifts, because of me -

You didn’t ruin anything, I answer, before he can finish. It’s a good thing, if they implement that policy. You might not be the only City Hall employee who struggles with this, babe. And who cares if it’s not part of the gifts anymore? People can go out and buy their own nips, for fuck’s sake. They cost like, three dollars.

But -

I know that Gabby would want to correct this, okay? You did the right thing, talking to her. And… most importantly, you could have downed it, like you said, but you didn’t touch it. I know how hard that must have been for you. I lean up to nuzzle my nose into his. I’m proud of you, Companion Plant.

Aiden takes a long, unsteady breath, and stops arguing with me. We both go silent, breathing together.

Slowly, Aiden’s frantic emotions start to dissolve in mine. They’re behemoths, but they’re no bigger than minnows in the boundless ocean of my love for him.

I listen to his heartbeat, hear it slowing down. His breathing, not so fast, not so shallow. He presses his forehead into mine, and I lift a hand to stroke his face.

I can tell that he’s listening to me. Through the connection, but also in that way that only he can do.

I have no idea how much time has passed, or at what point Aiden closed his arms around me. Somewhere along the way, our hearts started walking together, at an easy pace. Aiden smooths a hand up my back, sending a sparkling burst of warmth and love through me, which immediately seeps through to him.

He takes a long, deep breath, absorbing the feeling. He doesn’t send it back, but that’s okay. He can have it. He needs it more than I do, right now.

Thank you, he breathes, holding me close to him.

No problem. I snuggle my face into his chest. Do you need to call Eric, or someone else from your sobriety program? Or - is there something I can do? Something we can do together?

We were supposed to go on a date, Aiden reminds me.

Forget that. Whatever you need, I’m here. I’m up for anything.

Aiden thinks it over. I wait patiently for his answer, which is long in coming.

Let’s go on our date.

Aiden, we really don’t have to -

I want to.

I pull back to look up at him. Will that help?

Aiden bends to brush a kiss onto my lips. Yes.

I narrow my eyes at him, trying to figure out if he’s just saying this because he’s trying to avoid ruining anything else.

Not that he ruined anything in the first place. He definitely didn’t, not as far as I’m concerned. I’m glad, actually. Aiden hates to let me see him struggling and vulnerable and angry. But he trusted me, came to me anyways, and we got through this together. 

And I can tell that he means it. He wants to go on our date.

I bite my lip, considering. Okay, but if you change your mind...

I’ll let you know, Aiden promises.

I send him downstairs to start warming up my car. As soon as he’s gone, I snatch the gift box up off of the floor.

I normally try to avoid wasting things, and I know that I could just give it away to one of our friends. But I don’t want there to be even a fraction of a chance that Aiden runs across it again.

I put the entire thing down the trash chute, dust my hands off, and follow after my Companion Plant.

~~~~

Aiden is still agitated on the drive to our date, so I roll down all of the windows and leave my hand folded into his. I give his fingers slow, rhythmic squeezes, the whole way there. I've noticed that this helps when the volume is getting too high in his head.

By the time we get to the restaurant, Aiden isn't exactly happy, but he does seem steadier. At the very least, he doesn't look like the world is swaying beneath his feet. I picked a quiet little place for us to eat, with low, intimate, colorful lighting. I choose a table near the back and in the corner, away from everyone else.

Aiden hasn’t said a word since we left my apartment. I know that he can sit for hours in silence without thinking twice about it, and I tell myself that it’s okay if that’s where this date goes. He likes it when I talk, and if he doesn’t have the energy to translate his thoughts into words, I don’t want him to feel compelled to. I’m more than happy to take the pressure off of him.

I sit close to him, nestled into our corner. It’s icy cold outside, but my Heliomancer keeps us cozy warm.

I thread my fingers through his, and talk about nothing important.

Flurries of snow fall beyond the windows. I start to forget that I’m talking to make Aiden feel better, and just fall into my natural rhythm. I tell him about my day at the shop, and what I covered with Ellen, and the funny things she said during our class.

When I finally stop to take a breath, I realize that Aiden looks very different now from how he did when we sat down.

He’s got his chin propped on his palm, a warm, gentle smile turning up his lips. His eyes are saturated with candlelight. His unique brand of blue, swirled with the gold of the little dancing flame.

Those eyes are sweet and sensitive and lingering on mine. Beautiful, mesmeric. I fall completely silent, gazing into them.

Aiden gives my fingers a squeeze.

“Why’d you stop?” he murmurs.

I blink at him, trying to remember what’s going on. “Stop what?”

“Talking.” The rumble of Aiden’s deep, husky voice, after he spent so long in silence, is music to my ears. “I was listening.”

I know that he was listening. There’s this way that he takes my words and tucks them away. I get the feeling that Aiden never forgets a thing that I say to him.

“Um…” I still haven’t been able to break my gaze away from his. “What was I saying?”

Aiden drops his hand from his chin, traces a fingertip up the heartline of my palm.

“You were talking about how Destinee asked you to pray for her, and you got all worried, but then it turned out she was just going to try and wax her own eyebrows.”

“Oh.” I press my lips together, embarrassed. “Very important stuff, obviously.”

Aiden huffs out a soft laugh, resting his elbows on the table. “Obviously.”

And just like that, he’s talking again. He’s quiet, like always. But he speaks with his smile, his eyes, his laughter - and every now and then, the deep bass of his voice.

The whole time, he looks at me like he’s gazing into a crystal ball. Seeing his future, and really liking what he sees. It makes me a little red in the face, makes nervous butterflies burst through my chest.

But I’m definitely not complaining.

I only realize how long we’ve been sitting there together when my eyes catch on the candle. The wax dripping down the side has formed a pool on the table, because the entire thing has burned down.

I blink, look up, and see that we’re among the last ones left in the restaurant.

When we step outside, it's into a cold, foggy winter night. The slow-moving mist and glittering heaps of snow make everything feel like a dream, especially because Aiden is keeping me toasty warm. His heat unfurls around us, then wraps around me like a blanket.

This is what loving Aiden feels like. A dream, caught by real life.

Wanting this dream is what made me feel so disconnected from the guys I was with before Aiden, from everyone else I tried to form it with. They always want me to put the dream down, give it up, live more realistically.

It’s a major part of why things never worked out between me and any of those guys. You can be lonely even around other people, if none of them understand you. If I was lonely for living like that, at least it was a happy kind of loneliness, where I could believe in the world as I dreamt it. A world where love could be like this.

Aiden is the only one who ever tried to understand the dream, and to give it to me. To give me that, and then more.

He was worried that he killed the romantic in me, but he gave it a whole new life. Bigger and brighter and more beautiful than even I ever dreamed.

~~~~

Aiden seems peaceful and relaxed by the time we get back to his place. I think that we’re okay from earlier, but I’d like to give him some time to forget about it completely.

By the time I’m done giving Aiden that time, he’s gone silent again, but this is a very different kind of silence than before. More of a speechless, hazy, wide-eyed, out-of-breath silence.

I tip forward to rest my cheek against the firm warmth of his chest. He’s still panting, his heart racing. He locks his muscled arms around me, keeping me up against him, his eyes smoldering and fiery.

“Okay,” he finally manages. “Oh. Fucking. Kay.”

I laugh, still getting my breath back, myself. “I am just not getting tired of doing that with you.”

“You took the words right out of my mouth,” Aiden stammers. “You. Little. Demon.”

“Hey, it takes two, dude.”

“I literally didn’t do anything, this time,” Aiden laughs. “That was all you, man.” He presses a finger over my lips. “And shut up, please. Need some quiet.”

“Um - rude?” I lift my head to pout at him. “Why? You weren’t telling me to be quiet a second ago!”

“Because,” he says, closing his eyes. “I’m trying to memorize everything that just happened. Gonna need to keep this memory forever.”

I bite back a surprised laugh, snuggle up against Aiden again, and shut up.

He strokes his fingers through my hair for a while, keeping his eyes closed, a smile playing around his lips. Eventually I roll off of him, so I can see him better.

My attention catches on a small bundle of fabric on the dresser, and I sit up to get a look at it. Aiden opens his eyes and blinks up at me, trying to figure out what I’m doing.

“I see one of my flannels on your dresser,” I explain. “I can’t find my favorite one. Haven’t been able to for like, a week.” I squint at the one on Aiden’s dresser, then let out a sigh. “That’s not it, though. Shit. I really hope I didn’t leave it somewhere.”

“I’m sure it’ll turn up,” Aiden says, in his firm, definitive voice.

I don’t know why, but that makes me feel better. I lay down, stretch out by Aiden’s side, then smile to myself, realizing that he suddenly looks ready to fall asleep. I guess I tired him out.

“D’you see the time?” he yawns.

I glance at Aiden’s watch. It’s over on the night table, but easy to see from here. The room is bathed in soft, golden, unintentional Heliomancer light.

It’s a few minutes past midnight. I’m not sure I see the relevance of that, so I turn back to Aiden, arch a questioning eyebrow.

“S’officially Christmas Eve.” He opens his eyes, gives me a sleepy smile. “Our first one together.”

The first in that sentence makes me extremely happy. Everything about that sentence makes me happy, actually.

I poke Aiden’s ribs. “Did you get me something good?”

“Mhm.” His eyes are already closed again. “Forty-week-long camping trip in Grizzly Bear Forest. No showers allowed.”

“Okay,” I groan, and Aiden huffs out a deep, rumbling laugh. I nestle my face up against his, biting back a smile. “Hate you.”

“Nah, I don’t think you do, Keane.”

Pointless to argue. He’s right, anyways. I sink into Aiden’s arms, and he folds them around me.

I hope that he’s gotten past what happened at City Hall earlier. Maybe I should check in.

“Are you feeling better, babe?”

“About what?” Aiden murmurs, completely seriously.

I smile, my cheek rounding out against his chest.

“Nothing.” I lift my head, press a kiss against Aiden’s jawline. “Merry Christmas Eve, Sugar Maple.”

He breathes out a soft, contented sigh. “You too, Linden.”