“Yeah, same. Completely worth it though.”

“Agreed,” she said smiling. “So you’re not regretting the rule?”

“No, I’m not,” and I wasn’t. I knew that if I hadn’t agreed to it, I never would have gotten on a single ride. Instead, I’d screamed until my throat hurt and had one of the best days of my life. It was completely worth the slight humiliation of hurling into a couple trash cans.

“Beautiful. Shall we call it a night?”

“Yeah, I think so. Good night,” I said as I crawled under my blanket. I heard Mitta move around to lay down.

“Jeezus! Do you think we could move the Beaver or something? There’s a streetlamp like right in my face.”

“The Beaver?”

“Yeah, the car.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

“I like it.” I’d been trying to find a name for it since I got it five years ago. The Beaver was perfect.

“So do you think we could move it?”

I really didn’t want to get up. My muscles were exhausted, and the thought of climbing back out of the car, and walking all the way to the front, and turning it on… There was another option.

“Umm, if you want, you can just flip around. Like, put your head up here.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.” Why had I even told her to sleep like that in the first place? It was ridiculous.

She spent a few minutes moving around, and I started going over the day in my head, trying to commit every beautiful detail to memory. My mind eventually wandered back to the man who had approached us in line. Who was he? And besides that… he called her Amanda. She’d clearly recognized him, so he had to be right, but the news – she’d freaked out when she saw the newscast, and that picture had looked so much like her. Even he noticed! Who was this girl who held back my hair and bought me clothes and taped Polaroids to the roof of my car?

She’d laid down by then, comfortably wrapped up in her blanket. I decided to take a chance. Through the darkness, I asked, “Are you Grace?”

Silence.

I woke up to the back door closing. It was still dark out, and Mitta- Mitta was gone. I looked around, still groggy, and saw that she was standing just outside the car – the Beaver. I thought for a second that maybe she was going to get a snack or something, but then I saw her face lit up by the streetlamp – she was crying. I sat up, confused.

She walked a few steps away from the car, toward the wall of a building we were parked beside, and stopped. She just stood there for a moment, shaking with tears streaming down her cheeks. I wanted to help, but I had no idea what I could do. I didn’t even know why she was upset.

All of a sudden she looked up at the sky and screamed. “Why?!?” It was loud even through the car doors. She fell to her knees, still looking up. “Why would you do this! What was so bad that you-” she stopped in the middle and dropped her face down to hold it in her hands. She shook her head and I could hear her talking, too muffled through her hands to understand. It was hard to watch her in that much pain.

She moved her hands away from her face to clutch her sides, slowly rocking back and forth. Every now and then I could catch what she said, distorted by sobs. “I’m sorry I didn’t… I need you… How could you even think… Why would… isn’t fair,” and she stopped. “It isn’t fair!” she yelled, suddenly punching the ground. “I didn’t ask for this! I didn’t even get a choice!” she stood up, leaving a little dent in the ground where she’d hit it. “I can’t do it either, okay?” she said, a little quieter. “I can’t!”

I wanted so badly to help, but I couldn’t move. I was rooted to my spot, trying hopelessly to figure out what was going on in her head. “You should have given me a choice!” She kept yelling, gesturing at the sky like a madman. What choice did she want? What couldn’t she do? My head was spinning, trying to process so many cryptic little details in my half-awake state.

She moved towards the wall, and louder than anything she’d said, she screeched, “I hate you!” She punched the wall with everything she had and then froze, just staring in front of her and breathing heavily. There was a splotch of blood left on the brick where she’d hit it.

I think maybe she was realizing what she’d said, because after a few seconds, she just fell to her knees, completely defeated. She turned around so her back was against the brick and leaned her head back, covering her face with her non-bloody hand, and sobbed.

I don’t know how long she sat there. I saw her mouth move a few times, whispering something, but that was all. She just stayed on the ground, crying her soul out, for what felt like hours.

Eventually she sat up and wiped her eyes, clearly trying to steady her breath. She looked at her hand, only then seeming to realize that it was bleeding. I laid back down quickly as she stood up and started walking toward the car. I couldn’t see, but I heard the passenger door open and her sit down in the seat, rummaging around for something. Slowly, I sat up, peering over the seat.