Friday, June 26th, 2017

The last day of school was a complete mess. There was way too much crying and hugging, even though we weren't the ones graduating. I didn't cry. I guess I'm just too tough to cry. Well, I mean, maybe I cried a LITTLE bit. But it was probably just my allergies acting up.

But you cried quite a bit. And when you started to tear up, literally everyone rushed towards you to hug you, comfort you, and even pet your hair (??? wtf). I don't understand how you had everyone wrapped around your finger. Actually, you're damn near perfect, that's why everybody loves you. It really does suck when the person you like is also the object of affection of everyone BUT you.

Oh wow, I just realized: do these people care about you beyond your looks and life-of-the-party influence? I mean, would they still like you if they knew you secretly loved to play Careless Whisper on your saxophone? Or if they found out that you cared about your grades so much that you only ever got straight A's? Or that you liked to sing love songs in that sweet voice of yours. They don't know you for you. Not as well as I do.

When it was time for you to leave, I couldn't bring myself to hug you. I don't know why. I was scared that if I hugged you, it would be like a caught-in-the-moment thing and I would've confessed right then and there. So I just smiled and waved, my heart pounding from the near slip-up. It was so loud. My heartbeat, that is. I could feel it throughout my entire body as you turned and walked away. My heartbeat slowed and I felt... gosh, I don't even know how I felt. Sad? Unhappy? An emotional mess? Yeah, that's probably it. I wonder when I'll stop feeling like this. It's scary to not have control over my emotions.

Sometime over summer, 2017

I miss you. It's too damn hot. The A.C. isn't working. I'm falling behind on summer work. I think about you. A lot. But you probably don't. You're hanging out with your other friends. I see those pictures on social media. I'm glad you're happy. I just wonder when it's my turn to be happy.