When Pulaski-Nunes came into view, I found myself grinning.  Chann and Mirai were standing on the greens together.  However, as I neared, I realized they were arguing.

“Tell me what happened last night!” Chann snapped as I approached.

Mirai turned away, his lips curled in a half-snarl.  Chann gripped his shoulder and spun him around to face him again.  “Tell me the truth already!”

Mirai wrenched himself away from Chann and stalked off a few steps; the taller boy stayed where he was and crossed his arms, his green eyes narrowed in anger.  Mirai turned to sign at him and Chann spat on the ground.  It was at that moment that they both saw me, and they immediately stopped arguing.

“Hello.”  I felt awkward; they had been so close yesterday, it was unnerving to see them so angry at each other.

“Hey, blondie.”  Chann’s voice was heavy with frustration.  “How was your night?”

“It was okay.  How was yours?”

“Mine was okay too.”  He shot a sideways glare at Mirai.  “And how was your night, Mirai?”

Mirai rolled his eyes and pointedly turned his back on his friend again.  My heart bumped a bit at the clear sight of his face; he had dark rings under his eyes and his hair was mussed and slightly frizzy.  He looked like he was moments from passing out.  He finally seemed to see me.  His dark eyes glittered with interest and he approached me with a shy smile.

“Hi,” I breathed.

Mirai shyly waved ‘hi’ back.

“Lads, I’ve got to go meet with Coach Daniels about the footie team.  I’ll see you in class.”

Chann headed across the green, still prickling with irritation, and I found myself alone with Mirai.  Despite his obvious exhaustion, he looked so beautiful…  I remembered my fantasy of him playing with my hair, and I blushed as I ran a self-conscious hand through it.  My hairstyle was instantly ruined and Mirai gave a light chuckle beside me.  I blinked at him, my face hot.  He reached up and his fingertips barely brushed the ends of my hair.  It felt like an electric shock.  It seemed Mirai felt the same way, because he jerked away and sheepishly rubbed his neck.

“Mirai…”  I was at a loss to say, and I knew that if I found the words, I probably wouldn’t be able to say them in English.  Mirai’s beautiful eyes certainly weren’t making it any easier.  So, instead of saying anything, I angled my arm like I’d been taught at the Manor, and my lip trembled a little when he placed his warm, gentle hand on the inside of my arm.  It was the best thing I’d ever felt.

I was amused that even though I had Mirai’s arm in mine, he was the one guiding us.  I was still having some trouble navigating, even though the school was strategically laid out.  The AP Government classroom was mostly empty; even the teacher wasn’t there.  We sat down and, to my surprise, Mirai took out a piece of paper and began to write for me.  He passed me the note and I was surprised by his handwriting, which was elegant half-cursive.

He was (sort of) talking to me!  The thought suddenly struck me:  was Mirai physically unable to talk, or did he simply choose not to?  I wanted to ask him, but I didn’t want to offend him.  Smiling, I wrote back.

For names, mostly, so they don’t have to spell them out.  Mirai hesitated for a moment.  I already have a name for you.

Mirai ran his hand through his hair.  I was confused until he repeated the action; his sign for me was about my hair!  I didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or amused.

Maybe.  Mirai chuckled.  Okay, yes, but I think your hair is cute.  It doesn’t seem to stay neat!

I blushed.  He said my hair was cute!

Yes.  Mirai turned the page over and wrote out a list of contractions for me.  I recognized a lot of them from the English I’d heard spoken; only a few were strange to me.  Mirai then put a dash after each contraction and wrote out the words they were made from.  ‘Won’t’ was the one that tripped me up the most – how did ‘will’ and ‘not’ make ‘won’t’?  He gave me the list to keep and took out another piece of paper, gesturing for me to write first.

I was about to write back when Chann leaned over us.  Mirai turned to face him, his eyes already narrowing, but his expression softened as Chann pressed his cheek against his.  He still seemed irritated, but whatever was under his skin, it wasn’t Mirai.

“I’m sorry I raised my voice,” he whispered.  “I’m just worried about you.  I got scared and I let my emotions control me – that’s an explanation, not an excuse.  I should never yell at you like that; you don’t need the aggravation and it doesn’t help anything.  It was my fault we argued.  Can you forgive me?”

Mirai smiled, signed, then playfully bumped his forehead against Chann’s.  Affection lit his green eyes as he pulled Mirai in for a hug, which was rather awkward, considering there were desks in the way.  Just like that, the anger I’d seen them confront each other with not even a half-hour ago was gone.  I was touched by the gesture and ended up thinking back to what life was like in the Euclaw Manor.  No one was this close, and we were all related to each other!  Fights were usually over a business deal between the adults or a correction of behavior between adults and children, and there were never any apologies.  Sitting quietly, absorbing everything, preparing for our futures, being good little heirs – that was the right way for the youth of the Manor to behave.  Emotions were ultimately wrong, because they clouded the mind and made it harder to think rationally.  There was no affection like this, no connection.  It felt like living in a mansion full of strangers, and I felt guilty about the closeness I already felt with Chann and Mirai.

“Sooo, what are you two lovebirds writing about?” Chann queried airily.

“We were talking about language.”

“Oh, how nerdy!  Mirai, you couldn’t think of anything more interesting to talk about?!”

Mirai rolled his eyes and swatted at Chann, who snickered and gave his braid a tug.

“I liked the conversation,” I interjected.

“Then you’re as big a nerd as Mirai, and he’s the nerdiest person I’ve ever met.  That’s low, blondie.”

Lunch was almost over.  While Chann and Sasuke twittered away like a pair of over-energetic songbirds, I nibbled on the last few Doritos in the bag.  My stomach was cramping and things were beginning to slide out of focus.  I felt a familiar darkness closing in when Chann pushed my shoulder, breaking the trance.  I flushed as I momentarily met Sasuke’s worried blue gaze; he’d seen me zone out.  I couldn’t remember if I’d spaced out in front of him before, but I knew that he hadn’t been a full witness yet.  I could feel his tension.  He was worried, anxious, even scared.

Scared of what?  Scared of what was wrong with me, or scared of me as a person?  I wanted to know so badly and at the same time, I really, really didn’t – what if he was actually scared of me?  How could I ever hope to get him to like me if he was actually afraid of me?  I couldn’t in good conscience even think of a relationship with him if he felt that way.  He might like me, and it was unhealthy to like a person you’re scared of – I knew that firsthand.

“I am not scared of you, Mirai,” Sasuke murmured.  Fuck!  Was he reading my mind?  How the hell was that possible?!  I thought only Chann could do that (he can’t actually read minds, but he knows me well enough that he pretty much can)!  “I am scared for you.  I can tell there is something bothering you.  I am here for you.”

A few small tears escaped my eyes.  No.  I couldn’t cry.  Goddammit.  How pathetic could I get?  Pathetic.  Always pathetic.

“Mirai, you’re safe with us.”  Chann’s voice was warm, his eyes soft.  “You’re okay, mate.  We’ll take care of you.”

I don’t need to be taken care of!  The words flashed in my mind but I neither said them nor signed them.  Chann wouldn’t believe me and I didn’t want Sasuke to see us fighting again.

Lunch finally ended and I slammed the chip bag into the garbage can as fiercely as I could.  I was mortified, angry, and in pain.  I felt guilty for getting Sasuke involved in my stupid life and I felt gross for wanting a relationship with him.  But what if he was telling the truth, and he wasn’t afraid of me?  A relationship might be okay then.

Not with a guy who’s barely a man.  Not with a guy who can’t take care of himself or take a piss in peace.  Not with a guy who wakes up sick and screaming from nightterrors on the rare night he can get more than two hours of sleep in a row.  Not with a Cheney.  Not with me.

Never with me.

One of the things I do best is reading people, and I do it well.  Like everything else in this world, it’s got an ugly side.  I see what people are thinking and feeling but I can’t do anything with it.  I’m kinda infamous for not having a filter or adhering to social norms, but I’ve got sense enough to know it’s not my place to meddle in people’s lives and announce their feelings to the world.  I know it seems like I’m balls-deep in pretty much every aspect of Mirai’s life, but I respect his privacy and I don’t spread around his emotions.  I don’t call him out unless I haven’t any other choice, which isn’t as often as you might think.

Of all the times I’ve read people and wanted to tell someone what’s going on with them because communication, this was the hardest.  I personally don’t get why people want love so badly when a best mate and family should be the ones who truly fulfill you, but I’ve seen it work (my parents, Mirai’s parents) and I know it when I see it.  These two dorks were falling in love and falling fast.  They needed to confess to each other before shit hit the fan, as it does in so many gay love stories.  Hopefully, if things did go sideways, there’d be a damn good reason for it and it’d be something they could move past.  If they weren’t dating by the end of the month, I wasn’t doing my job as a best mate and the master of Mirai’s love life (ask him; he knows he’s not qualified to run it himself).

I peered around Mirai’s back to look at Sasuke.  His blue eyes were round and wide with concern, and I knew I wasn’t mistaking the affection in them.  He was worried about Mirai in a more-than-friends way already.  I could already tell that he’d treat Mirai right, dedicating himself to learning everything he could about his struggles, his culture, his passions, and all his little quirks.  He would memorize where every single one of Mirai’s many birthmarks were and he’d remember all of his favorites, from snacks to movies.  I could already picture this sweet, awkward blonde speaking fluent sign language with him and investing hours and hours of time in treating Mirai like the king he was.  He wanted to be close to Mirai – I could see it written all over him – but there was no way in hell he’d confess and risk scaring Mirai off.

And then there was Mirai.  I would have no qualms about knocking him upside the head to try and get him to see sense.  I could see the bad thoughts spiraling.  His eyes were glazing and shadowing the way they did when he dissociated.  Every negative part of him screaming insults at him, making him doubt everything good thing he felt he had in his life…  He wasn’t just going to avoid confessing, he was going to beat himself up for even wanting a relationship.  He was already denying the possibility that Sasuke liked him and I wouldn’t be surprised if he convinced himself that he was in love with a guy who would never see him as anything more than a friend.

Jesus.  And I thought straight couples were dramatic.  Again, if they weren’t together by the end of the month, I wasn’t doing my job and I was definitely going to bang their heads together Three Stooges-style.  These two practically confirm my working theory that being around the person you like reduces your IQ by fifty points and makes you doubt your entire fucking existence – why people willingly subject themselves to this, I’ll never know.