I constantly feel as though i am sinking.. Like I'm being pulled right back under the waves of depression everytime I finally reach the top for air. 

I feel like the whole world is against me- Like everyone knows that I'm oddly sensitive and fragile, as fragile as newly dried clay, so easy to break yet so hard to fix.

It feels like i'm being stared at from all directions all the time, as if there's a sign on my back that says "LOOK AT ME!!!" I mean I know that it isn't true, but I can't keep my mind from thinking so.

I get lost in my thoughts late at night and I overthink everything so much and for so long that I forget meals and can't sleep. I've tried to distract myself with working or drawing or writing but it all just circles back to the thing I was trying to not think about. 

to be honest... Just let me feel low. I don't care, it doesn't affect me anymore. I've become numb to it at this point. l need someone to listen. just listen. Not try to fix me or try to help or give advice, because that's not what I want.

I just want someone by my side with me. I need to talk to someone, anyone. But I can't say that because I'll come off as weak and wimpy. I want my friends to come to me with their problems. I want to help others deal with the shit they feel is too much to deal with on their own. But I don't wanna talk about my own shit and everything that's going on with me. I mean the friends I have are amazing don't get me wrong.. but I feel like I can't talk to them about anything real because they'll think I'm a weirdo and I'll get abandoned again. That's why I shut down when they ask me about certain things. Some things I can't talk about, and I don't wanna talk about them because it's not important anymore :) People say that they worry about me and I get it because I'm a lil messed up but... I don't want them to worry. I mistakenly got drunk a while back and said a lot of things to some friends that I really regret saying. I didn't want them to know but now they do and it makes me feel like a guilty piece of shit. 

I don't want people to feel sad or mad or guilty about anything that they've done. My only goal in life is to see everyone be happy. And if I can’t complete this goal then I apologize.