Tuesday, November 7th, 2017

Well, I did something stupid. I just played matchmaker for my crush and his crush.

I recently talked to Trish in English, today. I couldn't help but bring you up. I HAD to know how she felt about you. Our conversation went like this: "_" = me || *_* = Trish

"Did you know that Kaleb likes you?"

*Yeah.*

"Aren't you gonna date him then?"

*No.*

"What? You don't like him?"

*I mean, a little bit? I don't know.*

"Here, I'll tell him you like him and to ask you out."

WHAT WAS I THINKING?! HELPING YOU GET WITH HER, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL WAS I THINKING?!! AND I ENDED UP TELLING YOU THIS, AND YOU WERE SO HAPPY why don't you like me. Well, I'm glad that one of us got our happily ever after.

Wednesday, November 8th, 2017

You did it. You finally asked her out. And she said yes. I can't feel my heart. I don't even know if it's there anymore. All I can do is just watch as you two walk hand-in-hand down the hallway, my heart breaking into pieces. You even asked if I could switch seats with you in English. I said yes, because what else could I have said, and moved to the back of the room.

You guys even added the date to your profiles on social media: 11/08/17 <3. That little heart at the end made mine hurt.

So this is really the end, huh. I suppose I should get over you, since it's been over a year from when I first saw you. I should have known that it would have ended like this. For a second there, I really thought that we were meant for each other. But I guess not. Goodbye, Kaleb.

Tuesday, November 14th, 2017

I know I said goodbye, but you and Trish broke up after ONE WEEK of dating. WHO BREAKS UP AFTER ONE WEEK OF DATING?! And the worst part is, you came to me to complain and whine about her, oblivious to how hard I was trying to get over you. I could do nothing but comfort you, and relish in the fact that you came to me after Trish broke up with you. I don't care if I'm just someone you come to after everyone abandons you, just the fact that you chose me is enough.

Christ, I'm not over you yet, am I? I said I would get over you, and I thought I was doing a pretty good job but~it's just not enough, is it? I'll probably chase after you for as long as I live. Why can't I let you go? What compels me to stay? I know you'll only hurt me in the end, so why do I stay?