Now, gentle reader, if one has noticed the Denerspellians were
plagued not only with rampaging minotaurs and hungry wasps, but also
with rampaging marshes. They had few lands that were solid and
respectable, and fewer yet people who knew how to tend them properly.
This, one could wax on poetically (and I shall, because I am such a
great poet) led to Farfadel as being their great complement. For
Farfadel was plagued by a great many fields and too many people who
were happy to frolick in the fields and pluck flowers for daisy
crowns. Their respectable people, however, were as few as the
Denerspellians' were, and similar to that – a great many
Farfadelians were as irresponsible as the Denerspellians were. As
such, they were easy prey for the Frog King.
The Frog King, gentle souls, was a terrible blight! He, with his long persnickity tongue, threatened to eat up fairies! Where he came from, few knew, but one day he had come a-hopping out of the marshes with his hordes of Frog prince sons, and he was not demanding food as Farfadelians were wont to give aplenty to anyone who really asked -but they wanted people to wed!
Now really? A people plagued with a lack of people? One may think this strange! But ah, gentle reader, consider that the Denerspellians who went off meandering on conquests through the land were blighted with the Warts! And as everyone knows, too many Warts and you become a frog! And so, a great many Denerspellians were a-hopping around as ugly toads and frogs. Indeed, many parents with too many children were known to tell them to 'go off and become a toad' as form of an insult. This left the Denerspellian populace generally warty and ugly, thirsty for beauty, and beauty was not to be found in their lands. They wanted Farfadelian beauty.
Now, who was the Frog King? Well, one could only assume that he was a blighted and cruel man in his manly days, but that now he was just the largest toad of all. He stood all of four feet tall and just as broad and just as wide and just as ugly as that! His eyes bulged, his stomach roiled and he burped as often as he hopped. He did, however, try to maintain an air of civility by wearing a shirt that a kindly fairy had fashioned for him. It fitted him terribly, but he thought it made him look fashionable.
Yet, it was really the stench of him that made him a terrible presence to be around. Why, have you ever seen a frog bathe? No, no, my friend, they do not bathe. They merely squelch.
“I am a worldly man,” the Frog King said before burping loudly. Then, as if to add insult to injury, he had a bout of flatulence.
Before him, the King and Queen of Farfadel winced. They were both attempting to be as polite as could be, but their expressions were quite pained. Along the sides of the hall a great many advisors were standing in their deep red robes. Scattered amongst them was the odd guard or so, for the Farfadelians were a naive sort of gentle people. They had not noticed that the legion of frog princes aggregated with spears and clubs behind their King outnumbered their own soldiers two to one.
“I, I do not doubt your worldliness,” said the King of Farfadel most cautiously. Everything comes from the world, after all, he thought. And frogs do hop around quite a bit. “But I do not quite understand what it is you want from our lands.”
“We have given you food!” the Queen said, perplexed, for this was usually all that anyone wanted from them.
“And we have even given you choice weapons for your sons to play and joust with,” the King said. Once again, it bears repeating that the people of Farfadel rarely had to deal with an evil such as the one that now sat- and burped- before them.
“I want your daughters!” he said so loudly, and so terribly, that one couldn't be sure if he had spoken or retched his words.
“Pardon?” the Queen said, choosing to believe the second of the two options.
“Daughters!” the Frog King demanded before burping loudly once more. “I want your most beautiful daughters!”
“Ah?” The King of Farfadel said, bothered but in a somewhat quaint way. After all, the Frog King had not said 'I want murderous mayhem!'. Perhaps the Frog King was lonely and simply wanted some company.
And that too, was what the Queen thought. “My, what a strange wedding proposal,” she said with a smile to her husband. “I must say we do not rank our daughters by beauty, for they are all beautiful. What traits are you fond of? We could have you meet and see which ones like your company and-”
A loud burp of protest left them wondering which daughter of theirs was fool enough to love a frog.
“I demand the most beautiful of princesses! And I shall wed her!” Another loud burp, and then a fart, accentuated the Frog King's demands. He began pitter pattering his feet, hopping to one leg, and then the other. “I will marry!” he bellowed.
“Marry! Marry! Marry!” the little frog prince denizens chanted behind him, banging the ends of their spears and the butts of their clubs against the floor.
“Your majesty,” an advisor said, bowing as he stepped forward. “I do not believe this to be a good idea! Why- what princess would marry this foul beast?”
“RUBBIT!” roared the Frog King in rage. With a hop and a bang he landed before the advisor. With a lick and a slurp- he ate the advisor!
“Oh!” gasped the King.
“Ah!” gasped the Queen.
“Ah ha! Rubbit!” declared the Frog King in furious joy. “Now you see!”
“Ah ha ha! Ah ha ha!” clamored the hordes of frog princes, echoing their King with maddening furor.
“But what havve you done?” cried out the King.
“Have you not seen? Let me do it again!” And the Frog King bounced towards a guard. And lick! And smack! And that guard was eaten up.
“Ah!” gasped the Queen.
“Oh!” cried out the King.
“Ah ha ha ha!” laughed the Frog King uprauriously as the guards, all now well beyond terrified, did their best to surround him. The pointy ends of their spears shook as they stuck them towards him.
“Ah ha ha ha!” clamored the denizens once more, repeating even the laugh of their evil leader.
“But what do you want?” wailed the King.
“A daughter!” He demanded most brutishly.
“A daughter! A daughter!” repeated the horde of frog princes.
“To wed!” the Frog King added just to be sure.
“To wed! To wed! To wed!” the princes shouted in their shrill voices.
“But who will marry you?” the Queen cried out, trying to plead sense into this brutal and rather senseless frog.
But just then, that most terrible question was answered for all present.
“I will,” a cold voice said from the hall's door. For there, in a beam of sunlight that streamed in through a tall window, stood a princess.
“Oh?” the Queen said, looking over their most intelligent and cunning daughter with a startled eye. For indeed, she was their best and brightest, excelling at mathematics and lore and even grammar, yet she was most often overlooked. She was not the oldest, set to reign the kingdom. She was not the youngest, doted upon and fearfully watched to grow. She was the middle one, and often forgotten at that.
Adelaide was her name, and she looked the carnage over with a cold eye.
“The beauty has spoken!” The Frog King shrieked, “It cannot be taken back! We must be wed!”
“Indeed,” the beautiful Adelaide said, and only those with a keen eye could have seen the smirk on her lips just then.
The Queen pleaded with her daughter to reconsider. “He farts!” she wailed loudly, but the cold and distant Adelaide could not be reached within her pristine facade. Rather, she stood beside the Frog King as if they were already betrothed, and looked him over slyly. The Frog King puffed up with joy – and began his list of demands.
Comments (0)
See all