Too Many People

“Join us for drinks! It’s on me,” Clyde boasted as we reached his big, old truck. He was taller, broader, and stronger than me, and it only seemed to be even more evident with his arm now draped over my shoulder. It was not comfortable, especially with him being several inches taller than my own 5'9". I finally managed to get out from under him by squirming away as he went to open the door. I didn't know for sure what he intended, but I figured it involved me joining them for "drinks".

“I can’t. I have a test tomorrow,” I replied, then promptly turned and walked away, leaving him stunned. It was true, I did have a test in the morning, but that wasn't why I had left so abruptly. It wasn't even the slight smell of alcohol and weed on his breath, though I was pretty sure it was his truck and so he would be driving. It was the fact that I didn't want to be around people.

I left quickly enough that by the time their voices began to fill the air once again, I was too far away for them to bother to catch up to me. I heard them all load into the pickup and drive off. I let out a deep breath I had been holding. I always found that my anxiety rose around people, especially large groups. Why did there have to be so many people in the world?

Leaving the saxophone in the back of Director Brandon’s car, I walked back to the college, and up to my room. It was nice of Director Brandon to let me borrow his instrument, and the school for providing free rentals. There were very few times that I could relax, and it was always when I had an instrument in my hands.

Finally getting to the room I shared with Clyde, I plopped down onto the bed provided for me, totally disregarding my backpack by the chair and books neatly stacked on the desk. I hadn’t actually intended on studying when I had escaped from Clyde. No, I only wanted to get away from the group, the anxiety. Too many people. Too many who looked at me like I could better their lives if I was part of it. Too many false impressions and expectations.