Tuesday, January 2nd, 2018

It's been 1 whole day since the new year started, and it already sucks. I woke up to my mom yelling about something that I can't even remember. She likes to nitpick every little thing I do ~ like, she'll get mad if the bread isn't in the right place, she'll get mad if the fans are on high on a certain day, etc. Basically, if it's not to her liking, she'll get pissy about it.

And boy oh boy, she got MAD today. I just tuned her out, because that's the best path to survival. When she gets that mad, she'll start to take it out on everyone else AND spiral out of control. She'll somehow find other things that are "wrong" and scream about it, without trying to fix it. Which is pretty pointless, if you ask me. How about instead of lecturing me about it for THIRTY MINUTES, why don't you tell me how to fix it and we can move on? I could never say that to her face, of course. She'd have Dad kick me into tomorrow.

Anyways, after she calmed down a bit, she was so nice to me and my brother. She took us to get some shave ice (which is pretty frickin' awesome, by the way). It wasn't that coarse shaved ice either. It was the super fine, snow-like wonderfulness that is too hard for other places to make, apparently. I got strawberry cream and vanilla, with ice cream in the center. It was heaven in a bowl.

Wait, I had more to talk about than the shave ice (jeez, do I really love food that much?)

I noticed that everytime Mom gets mad at me, she'll buy me something or offer me something instead of outright apologizing. In fact, I noticed that she barely apologizes for anything she does, even though she gets mad at me for not apologizing and owning up to prior things I did. I've come to the conclusion that she is a very toxic mother. Her version of love is twisted and wrong, compared to others.

Maybe that's why I was looking for someone who made me feel, I don't know, valid. Maybe that's why I fell for liked the first guy who was sweet to me, even if it was only an instant.

Damn, why did I have to remember him now, of all times? IT'S LITERALLY ONLY THE SECOND OF JANUARY!