No matter how hard I tried to sleep, what position, what side of the bed and every other thing I tried it just wasn't working. I couldn't fall asleep.

My brain just wouldn't shut off.

I had debated going out there and giving Creed the largest piece of my mind about this whole thing. But I chickened out. Here I was, a man that could take a bullet and take on gang members, belong to a mafia family and work with several other families, but I couldn't deal with telling someone I loved them. Opening the bedroom door I heard voices from the kitchen. I walked as silent as I possibly could to the edge of the living room. Creed and Jackson were sitting at the table discussing what sounded like work shit. Surely he hasn't healed enough for work again, there was no way. I wasn't one to eavesdrop so I turned to head back to my room but then Creed spoke.

"Alexi, instead of creeping around in the dark you could come to join us."

My breath caught in my throat. Slowly I walked into the kitchen and sat in one of the two available chairs. Jackosn smiled at me.

"Glad to see you're doing better, Zev and I were worried. He would have stopped by but with the new babies and Creed keeping you all for himself he didn't get the chance."

"It's alright. I understand, Creed was well than enough company."

"That's good."

Creed suddenly got up and headed to the bathroom. Turning to Jackson I asked him the question burning inside of me. 

"How do you give up the fear of losing everything, for the moments of bliss?"

"You mean with Zev and the kids?"

"Yeah."

"You don't give up the fear, you live with. You make sure those around you can handle themselves and when they can't you are there. I trust Zev to protect himself and the girls, He trusts me to protect them all. An I would, I would take a bullet for Zev As Creed did for you."

"I'm terrified."

"You have all right to be, our line of work is a nasty place, but he would protect you with his life. The question here is would you do the same?"

The answer was there right on the tip of my tongue but I couldn't say it, not that I had to because Jackson already knew the answer. 

"That's what I thought, Alexi."

"I feel like I'm going to lose my mind."

"Have you told him that?"

"No, I don't think I'm ready for that. I need to sit down and talk with Zev. I need to organize my brain before I try to even explain to Creed."

"Explain to me what?"

"Alexi was just telling me about some ideas he had and he wasn't sure how to explain it to you, Wanted a second opinion that's all."

"Ah, Yeah Jackson's good to bounce idea's off of."

"Yeah."

Jackson had covered for me. He gave me a slight smile.

"Alexi, My man, can we talk about the elephant in the room?"

"Huh? What are you----"

"Those white ass legs man, they are glowing under the kitchen light, take a beach vacation and get some sun on them legs."

"Tanning booth," Creed said chuckling.

"Haha, laugh it up you two. Your lucky I'm not about to moon you both with the white of my ass cheeks."

They both started to howl with laughter and I just shook my head. I knew my legs were white, after all, I hadn't even got sunlight on them in years. At least not long enough for them to tan. The biggest reason was all the scars I had amassed over the years. Though what one of us hasn't, Creed and I were both going to end up with a new one each. I was kind of annoyed with where he was hit with the bullet. It wasn't that it ruined his otherwise perfect and, it was that the reminder was there every time he took his shirt off. Eventually, I would learn to live with it, right now I couldn't. 

Jackson left a little before eleven p.m. He had texted Zev before he left to let him know he was on his way back. Creed closed the door behind Jackson before he walked back to the kitchen. He looked at the clock and cursed.

"You're late for taking your medication."

"It's fine."

"I should have been on top of that better."

He walked and grabbed the bottles setting them on the table before he grabbed a glass of water for me.  He dished out the pills and I swallowed them.  Creed looked really tired and I wanted to tell him to head to bed and I would be there shortly but I knew he wouldn't listen to me. 

"I'm going for a shower, your sleeping pill was in the pile of medication you just took, so you should head towards the bed and ill be in there shortly."

"Ok."

I wasn't mad about the sleeping pill because this was the normal time he gave it to me when we weren't working. Before all of this. He had me on a routine with the sleeping pill so that I wasn't waking up in the afternoon, but still getting enough rest. Heading to the bedroom I traded in the sweater of Creed's I had on for one of my loose t-shirts. I plugged my phone in so it would charge and double-checked to make sure it was charging. I sat on top of the blanket with my legs crossed and set my eyes. I wasn't meditating but I was just enjoying the silence in the bedroom. 

I heard Creed open the bedroom door and I couldn't handle not peaking at him at least once. Slowly I opened one eye before closing it again. Oh boy, he was fit. I tried not to peak again but I was weak and opened both eyes this time. Only Creed was facing me this time. Thank the heavens he was too busy pulling up his boxers to notice me peeping at him. I slammed my eyelids closed and waited.

"You can open. I'm decent."

Opening my eyes he was only in black boxers, that should have been criminal with how tight they were on everything. He was towelling around his abs and I saw the healing wound, it was closed but shiny and still probably tender. My own shoulder was tender even though it was finally healing well now. 

"How's your wound?" I asked.

"There are times it is pretty tender, but really not that bad."

"I'm glad to hear that."

Creed reached up to towel dry his hair and I watched his abs move and flex and my head just decided to become empty of all thoughts. Creed hung the towel on the hook behind the door before he hit the light. The room was pitch black. My heart thundered in my chest. I felt the other side of the bed dip as Creed got under the blankets. Carefully I did the same. My entire bed smelled like Creed I really hadn't noticed when I got in it earlier but I did now. 

"Goodnight Alexi."

"Night Creed."

Closing my eyes, I didn't have to fight to sleep. The pill was doing its job and pretty soon I was out cold.