Julius rolled his eyes and looked back down at his book, idly tracing his gaze along the letters on the pale yellow pages. They were old and slightly uneven; written before the time of the printing press. After a couple of more minutes of staring at it without absorbing any knowledge at all, he sighed loudly and placed the book on the coffee table. He crossed his legs over each other and stared at Calla, the youth sitting opposite him on an armchair, his legs curled up beneath him as he devoutly read.
White hair was slipping over his shoulders and down over his chest, shorting strands framing his face and his nose crinkled as he swiped a thin, pale hand over the strands, pushing them back behind his ears. They slipped out almost immediately, and Calla sighed, the sound soft and nearly inaudible.
Julius huffed, his fingers itching with the need to touch; his eyes tracing the lines of Calla's body.
He wouldn't be able to have this sight for a whole year, soon. He'd go back to Aurelis Academy soon enough and not see Calla for a whole year. Not when Calla was already in the process of settling his affairs to move to another country. Julius wondered vaguely if he could visit the man over the winter break, but that was just unrealistic. It couldn't be done. So Julius was determined to memorize every inch of Calla before that.
"You're staring," Calla noted, still reading his book. Julius didn't know what it was about, but it certainly seemed to enrapture Calla.
"Yes," Julius said, not even trying to defend himself. "I'll miss you," he added, because his Tobias had told him to be honest and forthcoming with his desires.
Calla looked up, licking his lips and smiling softly, "I'll miss you, too."
Julius eyed him, reading the truth in the softness of his gaze, the gentle curve to his lips, the tilt of his head. Calla was a pretty bad liar, all things considered. A good actor, but a bad liar.
He crossed his arms over his chest and turned his gaze to the table in between them. They were at the Frosthaze's manor, the sunlight bathing them unfiltered through the large open windows. Julius should be getting ready to leave, or he'd return home too late and his mother would nag at him again. And Tobias had finally been allowed back on the main family property again; if Julius wasn't there to greet him tomorrow, Tobias would stare at him with those sad eyes and cajole him into something embarrassing.
Like going on a picnic with the whole family or something. Tobias liked those, he'd probably try to convince Julius either way.
Standing up, Julius pressed down on his clothes, pulling a little to make them fit better. He stepped around the table and faced Calla, his throat suddenly dry. It took him a moment to find his voice, the words coming easy despite everything, "Hug?" he asked, voice low and gaze steady on the older man.
Calla placed the book on the table, carefully marking his place in it as he went. He looked up at Julius, tilting his head back to get a better view. "Yes," he breathed, the sound soft and yet—hitting Julius like a battering ram.
Calla rose to his feet, shuffling closer to Julius and holding out his arms. Julius wasted no time—not when he was about to be separated from him for a year, unable to know if he was sick or bedridden again or hurt. Julius leaned forward, sweeping Calla into a tight hug and squeezing as tightly as he dared. Calla breathed against his shoulder, the thin body trembling slightly against him.
"Alright?" Julius asked, loosing his grip slightly so as to not hurt him.
Calla nodded, his skin cold against Julius. "More than alright," he mumbled, a smile in his voice. Julius rolled his eyes, spinning them around so that he could sit down on the chair Calla had only just vacated. It was still cold him the other man's element, the seat pressed down from his weight. Julius sat and Calla sat down with him, settling on his lap with only a little bit of wriggling to get comfortable.
Calla leaned back slightly once he was done, resting his forehead against Julius' and breathing steadily. His eyes were closed, short white eyelashes resting over his cheeks. Julius gulped, the urge to touch those soft cheeks, to feel the thin strands of hair, rising within him.
He couldn't close his eyes, couldn't possibly deprive himself of this sight. It was inconceivable, like trying to go against the stream of a river. No, this softness, this gentleness, this light feeling in his lungs and the pressure in his stomach—how could he possibly not be swept along with it?
How could he possibly not stare and memorize and soak in this sensation?
He pressed his forehead to Calla's, felt the coldness spreading like spilled ink over him. It was a well-known feeling by now, an old friend knocking on his door and saying hello. Air filled his lungs, his chest rattling as he breathed in deeply. He felt Calla move against him, felt the older man shift his hands over Julius' back in soothing motions.
Julius's eyelashes fluttered, his breaths loud in the silence. He shifted his own hands to frame Calla's face, placing them on soft, cold cheeks and getting his warmth seep in. "I will really, really miss you," he whispered into the space between them.
Calla shuddered, his light eyes opening. He leaned into Julius' hands and smiled at him, the skin around his eyes crinkling and his eyebrows relaxing. It made something ins Julius feel like he'd won, made something within him sit up and stare, trying to drink in this vision before it disappeared. "I'm sorry," Calla said softly.
"Don't be," Julius snorted, using his grip on Calla's face to shake the man's head. Calla let it be, only slightly rolling his own eyes in response. "Don't be sorry," Julius repeated, licking his lips and pressing closer to Calla. "You want to go, so you'll go. And if you're fine with it, I'll join soon enough."
Calla laughed, his eyes lighting up with joy. It was beauty like nothing else, comparable only to a warm feeling Julius only sometimes had with his family, when they weren't trying to embarrass him with childhood stories and whatnot. Calla shone, like this. With the sunlight behind him, the smile on lips, the soft curve to his eyes; he shone like a star, like a sun.
Julius could not help but lean closer, could not help but try to cling to this star. Futile, he knew. Stars weren't meant for mortals. But—he loved. Oh, he loved him so. and he would cling, and hold on, and beg and pray that this man would let him stay with him. Would let him be a part of his life. Would love him, too.
He shifted closer, felt the coldness spreading in the air from Calla and embraced it, gladly. Let it wash over him and drank it in. Calla didn't move, only stared with wide eyes and a smile growing larger on his face. "Can I kiss you?" Julius asked, his voice hoarse, suddenly. He stared at those lips, and than stared at those eyes; those eyes that stand back at him, just as intensely.
It felt like—fire. Fire coursing through his veins, smothering his thoughts as he stared, and waited and wondered. What the future would be like, how marriage to this gorgeous, breathtaking man would be like.
"Please," Calla said, and he pressed through the last few centimeters. Their lips met and Julius pressed back against Calla, let the man lead. Waited, moved in response, his lips tingling and the tingles moving through him all the way down to his toes.
His breaths quivered and his stomach was full of butterflies aching to be let out and his chest felt as if he could fly. He shifted and their lips touched harsher, and their breaths mingled and he was—undone. There was nothing he could do but hold on, nothing he could do but grip the steering wheel and turn the boat. He didn't know where they were going and he didn't much care either. What mattered was this; the warmth that swept through him like a tidal wave, the love he drowned in as he continued kissing Calla, heedless of the lightheadedness.
Calla pressed back against him, his hands leaving fire in their wake as they passed over him. Julius sank into this, let it sweep him along. He breathed and he let go, leaning back and opening his eyes. Calla's eyelashes fluttered, like tiny wings, and he opened his eyes and gazed steadily back at him.
He smiled, and Julius' chest constricted sharply.
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