I’m going to die now, is this what they call life flashing before your eyes? I wonder could I have been happy too?

From the time that I remember things, I have always been in this one room. My father never came into my room, my mother died, and I haven’t even seen my cousin.

Father didn’t come for years, and my body only worsened, no one could do anything for me. No healers, no nothing. I was cursed apparently. 

Every day felt like hell; my fingers hurt, my body ached everytime it moved, I could feel my muscles not working, my body shrunk beyond recognition. I couldn’t move well, I couldn’t do anything.

Anyone who came into my room, would hold their nose, no one could even look at me.

This was life every single day. I hoped so much that I could live normally just like everyone else. But, it wouldn’t happen.

Why was I the one to live like this? What did I even do?

But, then suddenly. Someone appeared. It was like she was the only person who could see me. 

She wouldn’t cover her nose, she wouldn’t turn her eyes away from me, even after ignoring her, she’d always come back and make sure that I ate.

I had hope again, I felt happy, but I was afraid.

She was like a mother. But, would she always be? She would die someday. I tried with everything in my body to improve. 

But, nothing happened. My body would stay the same, I realized that I was completely powerless.

I couldn’t do anything but cry. 

My father came yet he didn’t even look at me, all he said was “take care of him.” That was it. Nothing more. He didn’t try to talk to me. He didn’t look at me, he didn’t come in. 

Estrelle the maid, the only person who I ever thought of in life, was the only person who stayed by my side and calmed me down. Her warm hands rubbed me on the back, and she hugged me. Yet tears wouldn’t stop.

And suddenly she stopped coming. It happened again. Someone abandoned me. No one cares about me, do they?

It had been a few months from when she stopped. I lost my anger and only worry came over me, I asked people in the mansion and all I learned is the fact that she died giving birth to a child.

I didn’t even know who this child’s father was. I only had anger. It was as though anger fumed inside me.

I asked her friend Lilia to show me the child and leave me alone. I took the knife out of my pants, and held them with both my hands. Yet, I couldn’t stab her. I couldn’t drive the knife down into her. 

Her eyes looked so much like her mother.

I just slumped down and cried. 

That was all it took, I left the room and told her to take care of her, and left.

I couldn’t even run to my room, my legs gave out everytime, and I crawled to my room. Nobody would even touch me. I realized I was unpleasant, smelly, ugly, a disgrace, and useless to everyone.

And then he came, a few years after Estrelle’s death, Arbor came and offered me what he called ‘life’. He told me I could only live a few years, but I would have a normal body.

I accepted his contract without thinking of anything.

My mind slowly started to change, all I could think of was ‘ruin this world’, and something spoke to me; “Isn’t this your real desire?” “Kill them.” “Kill her.” “She’s what killed your maid.” “Your father abandoned you, don’t you want to ruin him?” “That man thinks he’s better than you, go and kill him.”

I didn’t stop, I executed all the people I hated.

I killed many servants.

I tortured my sister.

I killed a village.

I forced myself onto an innocent girl.

I wanted to truly die.

But then I remembered her words; “Don’t say that! Young master, this is just my thought; but you must remember always, that you have to keep the ones close to you happy. If you don’t, then you won’t ever know of a happy life yourself, of course you should care for yourself too. But, you should never want to die!”

I am sorry mom... I think I’m going to die at his hands either way. Thank you for being my mother, even if you didn’t give birth to me.

As the tears flowed down his face. The life in his eyes disappeared, as his head got cleanly sliced off. That was the end of Varkhaz’s story. A story of a pitiful and tragic life.