The rest of the way to the venue was spent in total silence. 

When we arrived in a mere minute after that, there was already a massive crowd waiting for the doors to open. And they weren't even going to open for a few more hours. Some of the people closest to the road noticed the limo and pure chaos erupted. 

Much to our disappointment, the safety team who were following us with our regular SUV decided that it wouldn't be safe for us or the fans if we'd suddenly appear there...forcing us to ignore them all. Our driver sneaked to the back entrance area with the limo.

The next few hours were a whole mess, really. We were pushed to one room after another, to meet the stagehands and then back up dancers, then the other staff members, etc… Everyone was busy and nervous, and we all had met them before countless times, but there wasn't denying Jiwoo when she insisted on something. I should know. I had firsthand experience. 

Right before the final soundcheck, we escaped from the staff and made an appearance to the crowd waiting outside. They went wild, which brought a huge grin to my face—this was why we did this, this was why I started dancing in the first place. After three years, it was a nice reminder. And it somehow made all the fanservice and the lack of privacy totally worth it. I guess I’d do anything for our fans.

Unfortunately, the staff and security caught us in no time, so we were hauled back inside after only a few finger hearts pointed towards the crowd.

Once we got back inside, we were handed our stage gear—earpieces, mics—and the soundcheck began. Even though we had checked it all earlier, it still took a bit over an hour—we had to make sure everything worked like it was supposed to. That meant checking that we all had the channels we wanted to hear during the gig connected to our earpieces and that the stage monitor system worked—all the boring stuff.

At the end of the soundcheck, the staff turned the lights off and put on a looped video to all the huge screens showing random geometric figures moving slowly, as well as the text 'PLEASE STAND BY' flashing here and there. We did a group hug in the middle of the enormous stage, before the others headed backstage.

I stayed behind to get a good glance around the place. When we first debuted, our grand dream had been to perform on this very stage, in this very stadium, Gocheok Sky Dome, someday. Back then, it had all been a distant dream and we had to prove ourselves about a thousand times over before we finally got to perform here the first time. I remembered that it had been so surreal, to actually have your dreams to come true. And this wasn't even the biggest venue we’d played before the army.

I reminded myself that although we were now somehow starting from here the second time over, I shouldn’t ever take it for granted.

And with that, I made my way backstage, to the room where our hair and make-up would get done. Now it was time for us to relax, open up our voices, let the noonas make us presentable…all while nearly 30,000 members of the GRiD Crew made their way inside the venue.

My nerves started to creep up on me again, much like last night but now stronger than ever. I wasn't that confident singing live anymore, since it had been a while. And by “a while,” I meant three freaking long years. I knew that I had rehearsed like crazy, but I still couldn't help but feel a bit sick in my stomach. The absolute last thing I wanted was to let the Crew down. The second to last thing I wanted was to let the other members of GRiD down. They were all my best and truest friends, the only ones that knew exactly what we went through to get where we were now. Or they had been nearly three years ago.

I sneaked a glance at each of the members, noticing that they all were getting a bit restless at the backstage room reserved for us. Tae stared ahead, sitting on the couch, seemingly the calmest of us all, but I could see he didn't exactly know where to put his hands. Chris paced around the room, in his own little bubble. Joon-seok sat down next to Tae and then got up again, only to sit back down in a moment. Do-hyun sat right beside me on the other couch and took a sip from his water bottle from time to time, staring ahead much like Tae. The staff were making themselves busy around us, almost as if they were in a collective panicked state.

Basically, everyone was eager to make this a successful evening. I wished for only two things: one, that I wouldn’t mess up too bad, and two, that our message, our performance, would touch and move each and every one of the people in the audience. If we would be able to make their day even one percent more awesome, fun, or happy, it would make everything I’d have to go through totally worth it. 

Then Jiwoo glanced at her wrist watch for the hundredth time. 

“It’s time,” she said, earning our attention at once. 

“Alright, gather around,” Tae said, standing up. 

The rest of us stood up and followed him to the hallway. We formed a half circle of some sort, joining hands together in the middle—it was our collective pre-stage routine. 

“Now, let’s get through this smoothly. We’ve got this. Everything goes by the original plan,” Tae said, although briefly glancing at me discreetly around the last part, winking. I nodded back at him. 

“And have fun,” he concluded, and we did one final group hug.

Do-hyun grabbed my hand and started leading me towards our starting spot under the stage. We were the only ones who would come up from the same spot to the stage as it went well with the lyrics of the first song—the rest of GRiD had their own places to be. 

I braced myself, staring at our joined hands as we navigated through the understage maze. I knew it was time for our very own, very personal pre-stage routine. Do-hyun had always said it was his way to get into character. Despite having done it a million times before, I was scared shitless this time for some reason. Maybe because of the break?

But when we crouched down on the stage lift’s platform and Do-hyun cupped my cheek, my mind went totally blank. Neither of us muttered a single word, we only stared each other in the eyes. Not that I needed anything else to get my heart beating for this way too handsome, stubborn and hot-headed man in front of me.

In fact, it was all I needed to forget all about Tae and whatever he had planned for tonight. At that moment, there was only me and Do-hyun. His warm hand placed on my cheek, his dark eyes studying mine. 

Jiwoo started counting the seconds leading up to the moment the stage lift would go up, her voice loud and clear on our earpieces. Do-hyun circled his hand behind my neck and pulled me closer, until our foreheads touched together. I was sure my heart was about to burst. 

“Five,” Jiwoo said. “Good luck boys!”

This was it. There was no turning back now. It was time to let myself feel. For the first time in nearly three years. 

“Four.”

At once as I undid all my mental restrictions, all my feelings towards Do-hyun washed over me like a tidal wave; steady yet strong and powerful.

“Three.”

I realized that however much I’d try to evade it…this…there was no way I would ever get over my attraction to him. 

“Two.”

The best part of performing though, was that Do-hyun had to at least pretend to have some feelings for me too. 

“One.”

We turned our handheld mics on. Do-hyun winked at me. I closed my eyes and prepared for impact.

“Zero.”