During the following days, Kai's thoughts kept returning to Noah, specifically to their conversation in the woods. They had known each other all their lives, and yet Kai had never seen him so broken. He was genuinely afraid of losing him. If he lost Noah, then he would have no one left. That thought, though, never crossed his mind before.

It was then by the lake that Noah yelled at him for the first time in months. He was always considerate and cautious while handling him, but everyone had their limits in patience. Kai knew that, and he could feel its edge.

For a split second, Kai thought of being left behind on the side of the road, Noah driving away without looking back. He knew that he needed to do something but wasn't sure what and how. 

He got up from the sofa where criminal TV series played on the screen to look around for his phone. He felt the need to make sure that they were on speaking terms to keep a clear mind. Kai felt uncomfortable knowing that someone was angry with him. Especially when it was the only person who had been solid in his life, so he picked Noah's number and called him. A few signals passed before he heard Noah's voice.

"Can you talk now?" Kai returned to the living room and paused next to the couch.

"Sure. What's up?" Noah's voice sounded stressed, struck of guilt lingered in his chest hearing it. 

"I've been thinking about what you said, and I'm sorry... for everything."

"Oh. It's fine. I guess there is nothing really to be sorry about in the first place. I hope you are feeling better?" He sighed loudly enough for Kai to hear it. "You looked pale when I dropped you off."

"Yeah, I'm okay." There was a long awkward silence after he said it. He felt his heart hammering against his ribs.

"Noah?" He sounded a bit more desperate than he would like to admit.

"Yes?" There was no emotion in his voice, and Kai felt disappointed. Another long silence followed.

"Oh my god, this conversation is too suffocating." Noah snapped. "Why did you call me in the first place? To merely say sorry? How about later? Will it be the same?"

"I... What would you want me to change? I can't..." Kai shakily said, feeling his hands tremble. 

"That's a rich question coming from you. You should apprehend that well by now." 

"I know that you are tired and angry at me, but I have only you. I don't want to argue, but I need you to understand that I can't change from one day to another." There was a long pause before he continued. This time the silence was comfortable. "You are my family Noah, you always were."

"You hate arguments, but it always works with you." He laughed. "You are dealing with some stuff, and I understand that, but it's pissing me off when you shut me out. There is no logic in that. You should lean on me more." He continued after pausing to take a deep breath. "If I'm the only person you are afraid to lose, then why are you pushing me away?"

"I'm lost. Besides, I think I just overreacted a bit. I can't believe you argued with me to make me talk to you." Kai chuckled to himself, trying to hide his embarrassment behind his palm. "I have no idea how it came to this. I remember how we sat on the bench in the campus park chatting about our classes. It feels like it was only yesterday. We also talked about our plans, dreams and future. I feel different now. Like it was someone else talking instead." His voice lowered as he got lost in his memories. 

"I never expected this either, yet I kind of understand." Kai jerked up in his sit. Forgetting for a moment that he was on the phone. "All your life, you wanted to impress your parents. When you gave up on that stupid mission of yours, then with what were you left? You need to learn to live for yourself, Kai." Kai reminded silent, and Noah continued. "Your parents are horrible, and they never cared. I can't understand why you have listened to them and tried so hard to get their attention. Have you ever thought about yourself? What do you want to do?"

"Maybe you are right." He reached up and rubbed his eye.

"Really? You won't say anything? I just offended you... like, basically your whole life." Noah stated, surprised.

"I'm tired. I never thought that talking to someone could be this exhausting. Also, it's not like you are an exceptionally kind person. I'm wondering, do you have any filter in your mouth before saying stuff out loud?" He heard Noah chuckle.

"I'm switching it off, especially for you."

Hearing Noah voicing all the thoughts that played in his mind was like listening to himself. Noah told him everything he already knew, but with a different impact. Noticing things and accepting them were two opposite pairs of shoes.

"Can I come over? I'm finishing my classes soon." Noah asked. Kai leaned on the backseat of the sofa, scratching the back of his neck. "Sure."

"Great! And... Kai?" 

"Yeah?" He asked softly.

"I'm glad you called." Kai could hear the smile in his voice.

"See you soon." Kai smiled to himself, feeling relieved.

He put the phone on the coffee table and glanced at the living room. The table was stained with coffee and covered in a thin layer of dust. The take-out containers piled up on the kitchen counter, the sink clogged with dirty dishes, and he could see bin bags full of rubbish in the corner in between the counter and wall. This place was like a trash can.

Kai liked simplicity. Whether it was about his clothes, design or lifestyle, he was a down earth type of person; This mirrored in the space where he lived. Many pieces of furniture in wood combined with soft pastel colours created a rustical feeling.

He loved flowers, but he gave up buying them after a fair amount died in less than a month. It never meant to be, he thought on the day when he threw away the last one. 

The kitchen and living room were combined, creating one functional space. In the living room area, a light beige sofa had a place on the front of the big TV. That was Noah's favourite spot. He loved to lay down on soft furniture wrapped in a fluffy blanket and watch TV for hours.

Walls painted in sensual vanilla cream uniting colours of other rooms. He remembered Nolan words that exciting colours can bring passion to a room. They put them together, showcasing a personal style, examining shadows and contrasts. All furniture, including the kitchen, were either in dark wood or light cream.

He cleaned for several hours, bringing his place to satisfying cleanliness. After he threw away the rubbish, Noah showed up at his door. 

"Hi!" Kai greeted when the blond hair man let himself inside. 

"How are your studies?"

"Good, I can't complain. Currently, I'm working on something. It's a part of the series." He walked closer to Kai and dropped his bag next to the sofa. "For teenagers as a story to read." He added when Kai gaped at him questioningly.

"I know that. I'm not stupid." Kai rolled his eyes when Noah smirked. "Just realised that I have no idea what is happening in your life anymore."

Noah was working on a doctorate in literature, which Kai was positive he would drop one day. His interest was directed more into writing than studying. 

Noah, opposite to Kai, was brave. He wasn't afraid to make difficult decisions and bear responsibility for it. If he noticed something was not worth his time, he would drop it overnight.

"Do you want tea?" Noah nodded and continued talking about his studies and assignments. He mentioned forming a study group with some friends from his faculty. Because in his opinion, learning in a group was much more effective than learning alone.

"I will see a few people from my group next week." He paused. "I thought you might join us?"

Kai was about to decline the offer but remembered what he'd agreed to just hours earlier. He nodded. 

"Apart from us, there will only be three people. I mentioned Jake and Maya earlier. You should have heard of them from me before. They are all nice people and won't make your life difficult. You won't see them again if you wouldn't like to." 

Kai placed his tea back on the table and turned around to Noah. He asked, confused. "You want me to go out and study with you?"

"What? No!" Noah chuckled as he placed a hand on his forehead. "Did you lose your brain cells from moping around your flat for too long? We are going to the coffee shop to hang out. They are my friends." Noah changed the channel on TV for a music station. "I have a feeling that we won't even study together. Probably we will end up hanging out instead."

"Okay, just let me know when and pick me up. I don't want to walk."

"I can see how this deal work. So demanding." Noah smirked.

"Of course, what else did you expect?" Noah didn't comment any further. They watched TV and later ordered their favourite pizza. 

After Noah left, Kai lay down on the sofa, wrapping himself in his favourite blanket. He switched back to his favourite Tv series. Gaze drifted to the paintings hanging on the left side of the TV. showed

One of the hanging paintings illustrated an old hut in the mountains surrounded by trees with colourful leaves. The colours of the setting sun played in the sky. Kai loved colours. Looking at the world around him, finding beauty in every little detail, was his way to see his surroundings. 

Being inspired by daily beauty was one of the tools he used in his art projects, back when he still was a student. You could see the world in various perceptions, and Kai coasted down to the most basic one.