After the morning fun, we all headed to David’s (Diane’s father) place.  Her grandparents were already there waiting for us.  They were happy to see us.  I only met Diane’s grandparents a couple times but they treated me like I was their grandchild as well.  They were from Quebec so they usually chatted to David in French.  Diane’s family was pretty French so it was pretty common for them to just keep switching between French and English. It left my Dad, Kevin, his parents, and I pretty lost. Luckily for Daisy, she also knew French so she was able to join in on the language switching.

  “Any idea what they're talking about?” Dad asked. Everyone was talking in full fledged French.

  “Not a clue.” I said.

  “Same here.” Kevin laughed. “I can only understand a couple words here and there.”

  “I really should’ve learned French when I had the chance.” Emilia groaned.

  “Well this is awkward.” Dad laughed.

  Shortly after we showed up, Jack and Bella showed up.  Jack, being the overdramatic guy he was, had to make a big entrance like usual.  He was good at that. I nearly peed myself laughing when I saw the stupid Santa outfit he showed up in. It took him a couple seconds to sit his bum at the piano and start singing and playing us all some Christmas songs. He was a stand up comedian and singer, so to put it simply, he loved being the center of attention. Diane also joined in with her guitar, and did some vocals as well. If there was a song we all knew the words to, we would all shout it at the top of our lungs.

  Dinner was later announced and people quickly migrated to the table to grab their food.  David was a great cook so of course everyone was excited.  Everyone but Diane.  She looked stressed when she saw all the food.  I could see her start to fidget with her hands a lot which was a big sign she was really anxious. I immediately knew she was having one of those days where food was a big struggle for her. Usually big holidays were a bigger struggle for her.  Eating around so many people was a huge stresser, and the amount of food scared her. Quickly, I moved my way over to her to try and help.

  “Doing ok?” I gave her a small nudge.

  “Stressed.” She said quietly.

  “Cuz’ of the meal?”

  She nodded. 

  “Anything I can do?”

  “I don’t know…” She said quietly. By this time Kevin caught on that something was wrong and came over to see what was up. She was only getting increasingly stressed though.  Everyone was starting to notice how much Diane was stressing out and was starting to look her way.

  “Everything alright, dear?” Her grandmother asked. With all the extra attention on Diane, she was starting to shake some awful.  She looked ready to cry.  At that point I knew staying there would be a bad idea and would only make things worse.  

  “Uh, excuse us.” I said. I gently took Diane by the shoulder and led the way out of there.  We headed up the stairs and sat down at the top of the staircase.  Nobody from the kitchen would see us there, and by the sounds of the resumed talking, they weren’t trying to eavesdrop either.  

  “Eating disorder getting to you?” I asked quietly as I played with her hair.  Playing with her hair almost always helped her keep calm.

  “She’s not shutting up…” Diane started tearing up a bit.  I forgot she referred to the ED as a person named Diana.  It was easier for her to see it as a person so she was able to separate her voice from Diana’s voice.

  “What is she saying?”

  “The holidays aren’t an excuse to overeat, and what if I lose control and just start binging…”

  “Well you can tell her that the holidays aren’t an excuse to poke her ugly little face out.  And you’re not going to lose control over one meal.  Especially not with Kevin and I around.”

  “I know… but ugh… This is ridiculous.” Diane buried her head into her arms and curled up into a ball. “I’m freaking 25 and I still can’t get over this stupid illness.”

  “Age has nothing to do with it.” I sighed. “I’m also 25 and I still haven’t gotten over my depression.  And it’s been over 15 years now.”

  “It’s never going to go away is it?”

  “Probably not. These are things that like to stick.  But even if you can’t get rid of it entirely, you can still go about living life without listening to it.”

  “I wish I could just be normal.” Diane sighed. “Just eat. Like a normal human.”

  “None of us are normal.” I laughed a bit. “I mean, I wish I could be happy all the time, but my brain doesn't work like that.  I’m sure Bella and Jack have their issues as well. Same with Kevin and everyone else.”

  “I’m just being a baby about mine I guess…”

  “You’re not being a baby.” I frowned. “It’s probably unbelievably hard to deal with what you deal with.  I would have broke long before you did. Heck, I would’ve cried the minute I saw the food.”

  Diane sniffled and laughed a bit.

  “Well how do you feel about going back down there and giving dinner another go?” I asked.

  “I suppose.” She wiped the tears out of her eyes and stood up. We headed back down to the table.  Thankfully everyone seemed to have gotten the hint as to what happened and they didn’t question Diane as she took her food and sat down.  She still looked pretty anxious, but she was trying her best.  I just worried about how the thoughts seemed to be getting worse for her. I was noticing how much food stressed her out lately. I didn’t want to see her have a full blown relapse again.

----

  The week ended, and it was time for me to go home. I promised I would  check up on Diane daily so I could make sure she was holding up ok. She really struggled with the holidays so I was a bit worried and wanted to keep an extra close eye on her.  Kevin was on the same page and was also keeping a close eye on her. We all talked before I left and we all came to the agreement that the minute Diane got to the point we couldn’t stop her from engaging in bad habits, we would be looking into treatment options. We already had her set up with a therapist, but Diane wasn’t willing to go any further than that at the time. 

  With Diane to worry about, I was hoping Lars didn’t get into any trouble while I was gone.  Sometimes leaving him alone for too long was dangerous because he would get tempted to give into his addictions.  

  I got home and everything seemed completely normal.  Until I saw the first bottle of alcohol on the counter.  Then the second.  I looked in the trash and saw many others.  There was no doubt Lars had been drinking.  I quickly put all my stuff away and then searched around for him.  I knew he didn’t have work that day, so he had to be home.  I checked around the house before finding him having a smoke out on the back porch.  I threw on my jacket and went out to talk to him.

  “Hey.”  I said as I exited the house and joined him on the porch.  “We need to talk.”

  “What about.”  He sounded drunk as fuck.  Great.

  “What happened while I was gone?”  I asked.

  “I enjoyed the Christmas spirit.”

  “With alcohol.”

  “And without my girlfriend.”  Lars shot me a glare.  He didn’t like talking about these things, especially not if he felt he was being accused.

  “That’s your issue.  You decided not to come.”  I stated.  “Look.  I don’t know what happened, but you should’ve contacted me if you were struggling!”

  “Why would I?”

  “I could’ve helped you!”  I said.  “I would’ve come back home if you needed me to!  I don’t want to see you do this to yourself!”

  “If you really cared you wouldn’t have left me for Diane.”

  “I didn’t leave you for her!  It’s something we do every year and you know that!”

  “Well change is nice now and then!”  Lars growled at me.  “If you want to be around her so much then maybe you should go live there!!”

  I was about to argue, but instead took a deep breath and calmed myself down.  I knew he was drunk, and when he was drunk, he said things he didn’t mean.

  “Alright, look.”  I sighed.  “I’m sorry if you’re hurt about that.  How about we get rid of the remaining alcohol, and then you can rest.  I imagine you’ve got quite the hangover coming your way.  Once you feel better, we can talk, ok?”

  “I feel fine.”

  “You’re drunk, Lars.  You’re not thinking straight.”

  “Fine.”  Lars groaned.  He finished his smoke and then we went back inside.  He showed me where all the alcohol was and we threw it in the trash bin.  He wasn’t too happy about that, but seemed to be too exhausted to fight me on it.  After that, he headed to bed and I didn’t hear from him until the next morning.