I can tell that winter is starting because the flat is getting harder to heat. I mean… I love how atypical it is, being a former warehouse, and I love the space that comes with it, but it also means that in the winter ‘fresh’ is considered tropical.

We could heat more, but it would be expensive and it wouldn’t be eco-friendly, which Kate is really opinionated about, so we just wear more sweaters and we spend more time in the living room where we have extra heating.

I am helping Kate practice. She is still in a real orchestra and helping her practice the clarinet is almost the only time I play the violin lately. It’s also nice to share these moments with her.

She suddenly stops, so I stop.

“Andrew, you’re playing too fast.”

“I’m not. Look, it’s…”

“No, I know what the music sheet says, I’m just saying that I’m not there yet. I can’t process music as fast as you do, I’m not familiar with this piece yet.”

“Sorry, sorry…”

I’m not trying to be arrogant, it’s just… my mind is miles away. This little sabbatical from school and boys isn’t doing what it was supposed to and my texts with Damian are getting flirty again. I think I might want to go back to him. Get something in my life that makes me happy again. Something safe and familiar. And I think that part of me even wants him to convince me to get to medical school. Get back on track with the life I should have had.

“You’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?” She has the rare gift to be able to sound annoyed, disappointed, and concerned at the same time. She probably learned it from my mom.

“No,” I lie.

“I hope not because it’s not spring yet.”

I roll my eyes at her. Spring was the arbitrary deadline I set for myself, not for my two bossy roommates to set as some sort of official threshold before which I am not allowed any romance. Besides, with Damian, it wouldn’t be random dating. If we end up together again, it will be because we realized that we are happier together than apart.

There I am once more. Trying to convince myself to stop my dating break and explore that thing with Damian again. If I want it so bad, I should go for it. At the same time… if I wanted it so bad, I wouldn’t be hiding behind a stupid resolution I made months ago.

Okay. I need a distraction.

And Grace is wearing her name so well today because that is when she walks into the living room and asks: “Taz is having a few friends over for dinner tonight. He invited me and said that the two of you should come. Would you come? I’d like for you guys to get to know him better.”

“Anything to leave the fridge,” Kate replies, “but since when did we stop going to parties and started going to dinners?”

“Since we graduated from college and became grown-ups,” Grace replies with a tone she might have picked up from my mother too. “So… are you in?”

“Yep. It’s not like our session was really productive anyway.”

“I said I was sorry.”

She rolls her eyes at me, but she’s smiling. I put my violin away and I get up to get a shower. That’s one thing I’ve learned with time. Never let the girls claim the bathroom first.

We arrive at Taz’s and I can tell even without being introduced to anyone that ninety percent of his friends are med students. Kate and I will be the underdogs tonight. But that’s alright. We’ll have each other, we are here to get to know Grace’s boyfriend, and besides, I might hear enough horror stories tonight to convince me forever that medicine isn’t my field.

“Andrew! Kate! I’m glad you decided to join!” Taz greets us immediately. He seems genuinely happy to see us and, since we barely know each other, I assume it is because of the interest he takes in Grace’s life and I like him a little more, just for that.

“You can put your coats in my bedroom. It’s the third door over there.”

I take the girls' coats and I got to the room he indicated. I open the door I get in the bedroom and I freeze. Someone is changing. I should apologize and leave the room but I am completely mesmerized by the back in front of me. First, because it is a really sexy back, but also because of the tattoo covering it. From neck to… below his trousers, apparently, but not going beyond the 'natural' line of the back itself, is the most incredible tattoo I've ever seen. It looks like a painting. At the top, between his shoulder blades, is a boat, the old kind, like Pirates of the Caribbean, and then, under the sea, in the middle of fish, turtles, and other sea animals, is a massive creature about to attack the ship. The scene is almost scary, but is also beautiful. The colors, the shades, the way it follows the man's body lines, the scene itself… my fingers are itching to touch it. I obviously wouldn’t have but it helps that he lowers a t-shirt to cover up everything.

“Sorry. I was looking for Taz’s room.”

“It’s here,” says the man before turning around. Oh. I know him. He smiles at me, head slightly tilted to the side. “Andrew Scott,” he says and I am a bit surprised he would remember my full name. Then again… my last name wouldn’t be too hard to remember, would it?

“Scott not Andrews. Sorry, I didn’t mean to walk in on you like that.”

“I was just sorting a stain situation. You barely walked in on me.”

“So… why are you changing in Taz’s room?”

“Because the bathroom was taken and the living room seemed a little bit inappropriate.”

“And your own room?”

“Hum… Because I’m lazy and I didn’t want to climb three flights of stairs just to get a change of clothes? It seemed easier to borrow one of Taz’s for the evening.”

“Oh, I thought…” Didn’t Grace tell me that he was Taz’s roommate?

“Yeah. A lot of people think that. But no. Long story. You’re not interested. Anyway. Here I am, borrowing clothes. Even if he is really skinny and this is all a bit tight…”

“No one is complaining about that,” I say, words coming out of my mouth before I even realize what I was about to say.

Scott raises an eyebrow. “Andrew Scott… Are you flirting with me?”

“No, I… maybe a bit. Sorry, it just came out. I’m really not trying to hit on you, though. I’m used to this silly banter and I didn’t think before I spoke.”

“Don’t worry. I’m usually the one saying stupid things like that to strangers. But… weren’t you here to get rid of those coats?”

“Oh. Yeah.” I put the coats on the bed, next to the other ones, and Scott and I leave the room together. “Nice tattoo,” I say to get the conversation started. And also because it might be one of the most beautiful tattoos I’ve ever seen.

“Thanks.”

“Do you have others?”

He raises another cheeky eyebrow. “Are you planning a little show and tell?”

The conversation is definitely flirtier than I expected. To be fair… I wasn’t planning on hitting on him, but I guess he’s cute. And charming. I barely know him, we had two really short exchanges, and I already know he would be fun to hang out with. Just like I thought last time: I won’t break my no-dating-until-spring rule, but I am allowed to have some fun. And he seems fun. Hopefully open to casual one-night flings.

Plus, he would keep my mind off real dating.

I’m not saying that I will pursue it. I’m just saying that I might explore the option tonight.

I like Taz. Or, rather, I like the way Taz acts around Grace. He isn’t creepily clingly, but he is regularly checking that he is alright. Not verbally, not even that she would notice, he just… looks out for her. I think it’s because there are so many of his friends and he wants to make sure she is comfortable. Which is really sweet.

I like Taz’s friends, too. They are all nice and they do not make Kate or feel like we are outsiders.

At dinner, I end up sitting between Scott and Kate. It means that I thankfully have a reason to stop being flirty, and instead, we are having a smart, fun, interesting conversation.

“So, Scott. Are you a med student too?” Kate asks him.

“No. I’m a cop, actually.”

“Wow. Which kind?”

“I’m a patrol cop.”

“Oh. The kind that shoots black people?”

And… I know she’s joking, but Scott might not and that seems like a risky joke to make when you are a guest somewhere you barely know anyone. Someone, and not just Scott, might think that it’s offensive toward the police force, some might think that it is insensitive to joke about a dramatic issue.

But no one seems to have heard except Scott who smiles it off. “No. Too much paperwork. I only shoot non-minorities.”

Kate laughs and then asks: “Did you actually ever shoot someone? Have you ever been shot?”

“Kate!”

She looks at me: “What? It’s interesting!”

“It’s Connecticut. It’s a pretty safe state,” he replies. I have a feeling that he doesn’t want to talk about this and she fortunately seems to get it too. Instead, she asks him about what a typical day is like and he tells her about what he does. I’m going to be honest: I didn't really picture him as a policeman, but then again I barely know him. He seems to really enjoy his job, though, especially the parts about helping people and supporting victims.

“And what do you do?” he asks her.

“I have one more year of college. I am majoring in music and I want to work in an orchestra professionally.”

“Really? That’s cool. Is that realistic? I mean no offense, I just assume that it is a competitive field.”

“It is,” she admits. “Competitive, I mean. But I also think that it is realistic. I am good, I am passionate, and I work hard. Even if some days it’s hard to believe in my own talent.”

“Imposter syndrome?”

“Sort of. Crazy gifted rehearsal partner.”

“I apologized already,” I reply.

“Oh. Of course. Andrew Scott the pianist. Are you in the orchestra too? And are the two of you… a bit more than rehearsal partners?”

Kate snorts. “Okay… I don’t know how to answer that in order of importance, so let’s do this in the order of your question. Andrew is not a pianist.”

“No?”

“No. I mean, I play the piano, but my instrument is the violin.”

“Interesting.”

“And he’s not in the orchestra. Because even if he has perfect pitch and was talented enough to have Yale and Columbia fight over him, he decided that it wasn’t for him.”

“Do you play an instrument?” I ask Scott to divert the conversation away from me running away from the future everyone thought I should have gotten.

“Sort of. I can play like ten songs on the ocarina.”

“Really?” I ask, doubtful.

“Yes, really. Why doesn’t anyone ever believe me?”

“Because no one plays the ocarina,” Kate replies, backing me up.

“You are just instrument snobs. Just because no one plays the ocarina in your fancy orchestra doesn’t mean that no one actually does.”

“I’m still not sure if you’re messing with us or not,” I say.

“You know what? One day, I’ll play for you and you’ll owe me an apology.”

“Deal,” I reply with a smile.

Kate, however, shakes her head. “You don’t want to play for him,” she warns Scott. “He is so judgmental.”

“I am not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No. I give you constructive feedback because you said you wanted me to help you get better.”

“Whatever. And to answer your other point, we are more than rehearsal partners. We are roommates. That’s why we’re here. We are meeting Grace’s new circle of friends. But if you implied that there is something between us… people often ask us that because we are super close, but there is nothing romantic between us. He’s gay.”

He turns his head to look at me and I can tell that he is very interested in that piece of information. “Really?” Something tells me that he knew but that he was fishing for confirmation.

“But even if he weren’t, he’s not dating right now.”

Scott frowns. “Nothing can happen between you two because he is single more than because he is gay?”

“No, you don’t get it. He is being celibate right now.”

Scott looks at me with raised eyebrows, so I clarify. “I am not being celibate. I am just not doing boyfriends right now.”

“I see. I get it. I don’t really do boyfriends either.” In his tone, I hear some sort of proposition. An offer to ‘not do boyfriend’ together.

“Anyway,” I say, a bit flustered. “Can we stop discussing my love life with a stranger? So we’re here for Grace, Taz’s friends are mostly doctors-to-be… what’s your connection to him? Are you friends because you live in the same building?”

“No. We grew up together.”

“Childhood friends?”

“Foster brothers. Another long story.”

He seems full of long stories. And I now realize that I would like to hear them. Fuck. I think I like him. Not a lot. Not even a crush. Just enough to tell me that any flirt with him would be a bad idea right now. The last thing I need would be to start having feelings for a new boy.

So let’s enjoy tonight. Because after that, I won’t see Scott not Andrews again.