"Dude. You really need to see a doctor." Axle hoisted himself on a bar stool.
Raine frowned as he looked at his friend. "Uhh?"
"That hot chick over there has been trying to get your attention for like an hour, but you don't even notice. I haven't seen you with one of the girls in ages. Got some problems down there?"
Raine hadn't even noticed he hadn't gotten laid in a week. He didn't even miss it. There had been more episodes in his life where he hadn't been in the mood to have sex; especially when his sister wasn't doing great or when there were other things troubling his mind, but never before someone else had pointed it out.
Right now however, Rosa was stable. Actually there was only one change in his life; Blaise. Was he the reason? Would it hurt him if Raine slept with a girl? He couldn't exactly avoid sex for the rest of his life, just to keep his friend happy.
He still needed to get used to the idea that the man had fallen in love with him. Until he'd entered his apartment, he hadn't suspected anything, but now he had felt Blaise's longing, he understood him much better.
He didn't mind, he'd told him.
Well – he didn't mind, but it was tough at times. A week had passed since they'd kissed. They hung out two times since, and there had been some expectant tension between them. As if they both wanted more, but knew it would be unwise.
Yes, both – he too.
If Blaise believed that he was the only one who was confused, he was very wrong. Raine however, didn't want to admit it because he knew Blaise needed someone who could tell him what they should and shouldn't do. And so, he needed to keep himself in check – although he was plagued by fantasies every now and then. Maybe that was the reason why he was avoiding the ladies; because he was afraid to discover that their bodies started to bore him, or because a sexual act would call up a longing he could only ignore.
To what could it really lead? Sure – they could experiment and explore each other's bodies. But he considered Blaise a friend – someone who could become a really close friend – and when they became fuck buddies it would be in the way of a friendship. In the end one of them would long for more, or perhaps they both would, and then what? Between friends there was a certain distance, but between lovers? He wanted to be able to tell everything to his lover; he didn't want to pay attention to his words the whole time to make sure he didn't endanger his club. Their priorities would clash; it would lead to fights, to misunderstandings, to hurt feelings. It would be a constant fight, where he would wonder how Blaise would deal with it. Maybe later they could find a way to make it work, because it wasn't impossible, he knew that. There were more couples in which one of them had a profession for which secrecy was required. That however, was something he only wanted to think about when their feelings didn't fade with time; when they discovered that a close friendship was making them unhappy.
He became aware of his surroundings again; Axle looked at him with raised eyebrows.
"I met someone," he said honestly, because he knew his friend would keep fishing for an explanation otherwise. "I'm not sure if it will lead to something. She's... not ready for a relationship, but I don't need other girls in the meantime, you know?"
Axle showed him a way too wide grin. "You mean you're in love?" His friend roared with laughter when Raine's cheeks got hot. "C'mon man, tell me about her!"
He shrugged his shoulders a little awkwardly. Something fluttered in his stomach as he thought back to their brief kiss, and he remembered how amazing Blaise's skin had felt underneath his fingers; how he had held his breath when they'd looked into each other's eyes.
But these were things he couldn't tell Axle.
"We're just takin' things slow."
Axle tilted his head a little. "Dude – you're serious about this chick, huh? Are you like... dating? Have you fucked her yet?"
"Taking things slow – I said. We kissed." Kind of. "Tomorrow she's coming to my place to meet Rosa."
"Aah, Rosa can see her but I can't?" He started to smirk. "Afraid she loses interest in you once she sees me?"
"Something like that." In his mind, he saw how Axle was trying to hit on Blaise – it was rather more hilarious than threatening.
"I get it. But don't wait too long man. I'm fuckin' curious."
"You're the first to know if it gets serious, okay?"
"Good." He slid off his bar stool. "But if you're going to ignore that pretty little thing over there, I'm going to cheer her up."
"Have fun." He pulled his phone out of his pocket, opened the chat with Blaise and hesitated. He didn't know what to tell him, but nevertheless the urge to text him was there. Yet, after a few seconds, he put the device back in his pocket – he didn't want to look like a stalker. Furthermore, he could see a curious Axle watch over his shoulder. Just to be safe, he had saved Blaise's number under "Julia", but it was better to take no risks.
. . .
Raine perked up when the doorbell rang; since he had put Sasha to bed he had looked at the clock every fucking five minutes to see if it was already 7. He tried to push away his excitement – for all Rosa knew, they were just friends. Knowing her, she would submit him to a psychological evaluation the moment she realized he felt something for the man, and that was the last thing he wanted. Taking a deep breath, he entered the hallway and opened the front door.
"Hey!" Blaise's smile was small, but it still made the blood rush through Raine's veins.
"Hey, come in."
To be safe, Blaise wasn't wearing his kutte. The only time Raine had seen him without it was when he had visited him at home; that night he hadn't worn a shirt at all. It made him look younger, without that thing that commanded a certain degree of respect.
Blaise closed the door and they got tangled up in an embrace he had secretly looked forward to all day. Every time they were holding each other, his heart was raging like crazy, making him feel more alive than ever. The first time after their kiss, he hadn't known how long a hug should continue, but right now he shoved the question to the side and just enjoyed the feel of his hard chest against his.
Fuck – he smelled so good.
"You tryin' to impress my sister with that cologne?"
The scent messed with his head, it intoxicated him.
"Maybe it's you I'm trying to impress," he answered.
Raine knew his friend was grinning when he started to pull away from him. Raine however, wasn't ready to let go of him; his arm slipped from his shoulders down to his lower back and he bent his head a little.
"You're fucking intoxicating," he grunted. It felt like there were clouds floating through his head; he had no idea what he was doing but suddenly his lips touched Blaise's neck. His intoxicating scent was burning on his lips as he pressed them against the warm skin.
Blaise gasped for breath, encouraging him to gently suck his flesh. Raine thought about all the other ways he could make Blaise gasp. Images flashed before his eyes; images causing an intense heat inside him, resulting in a hell of a boner. The moment he discovered that he wasn't the only one who was turned on, he sucked in his breath. This was something he had never felt before; something he'd never wanted to feel before, but it was exciting and new, and he pressed himself closer against the man.
Raine knew he had to stop. This was only confusing for his friend. For him too – but dealing with his confusion was easier for him. Reluctantly, he pulled back his face.
Blaise's cheeks were a bright red, his breathing tense. Raine felt his own face becoming warmer too.
"Sorry," he muttered. "I guess I missed you." He was close to hitting himself because he had gotten carried away. This was a border he had crossed – this wasn't something normal friends did.
His eyes met Blaise's. The longing that was churning inside them made his mouth dry. Had there ever been anyone who looked at him like that?
"I didn't mind," he said quietly. He fidgeted nervously with his shirt, as if he was afraid that Raine would tell him he didn't like to kiss him like that.
"I noticed," he said with a slight smirk. "But this isn't what friends are supposed to do, right?"
"No," he admitted, his voice barely audible. He stared at the ground.
Raine swallowed a sigh. "Sorry," he said once more. "This was a stupid move. I don't want to make things even more complicated."
"It's okay," Blaise said, this time more determined. He held Raine's gaze. "It's like when I kissed you. It just happened, and I think we'll make things unbelievably hard for ourselves if we're going to ignore all of our feelings." His hands slipped into his pockets. "I agree with what you said. That we should focus on our friendship for now and that maybe later, we can see if we can be more than friends. I'm not afraid that you'll change your mind because of something like this. Maybe we shouldn't turn this into a habit, but I don't think we should make a big deal of it. And now – please introduce me to your sister!"
Rained stared at him. It had been a speech he could have given himself. It only increased his longing for this man; his determination was quite a turn on. At the same time, it took away the tension, for which Raine was grateful. He slapped a strong hand on his shoulder. "You're right!"
He entered the living room, his friend right behind him.
"Well... this is Rosa. Rosa, this is Blaise."
The two shook hands. His friend's face told him how startled he was by how weak she looked.
"Hi Blaise." Rosa's smile was shaky. "I'm so happy to meet you. You're a bigger support than my brother probably dares to admit, and I'm very grateful to you."
This time, it was Raine who pressed his lips together, feeling shy. His eyes shot to Blaise, who was smiling from ear to ear.
"Nice to meet you, too," Blaise said. "He told me a lot about you."
Raine went to the kitchen to get the three of them a drink, then he sat down on the couch. Only when their legs were touching, Raine realized he sat a little too close to Blaise. Quickly, he scooted aside.
The two were talking about the fundraiser Blaise had suggested to organize.
"I brought it to the table this week. They all thought it was a great idea." For a moment, Raine lifted his hand to put in on Blaise's knee, like he would have done if this was a date. Luckily, he realized what he was about to do in time and spread his fingers across his own knee. "We plan to do it within six weeks."
"Cool!" Blaise said. "Let me know when you need help!"
They discussed some ideas. It was a conversation without awkward silences, and he was surprised to feel so relieved that Blaise and his sister got along so well. Suddenly, Blaise tensed.
A few seconds went by before Raine realized what made him cramp up; a motorcycle was driving by. He wanted to convince him it was just a passer-by; the rumbling however, became louder and was clearly caused by a Harley.
He got up, walked to the window and peeked past the curtain. His insides froze.
"Fucking Axle," he grumbled, as his friend parked his bike next to Blaise's and took off his helmet.
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