"I can't do this"

He sighed and fiddled with his lighter.

__

"I'm back Shiro"

Shiro smiled

"Hey kid"

Hawks shook his head

"I'm sorry"

"What for"

"I didn't start coming here for you, yet you're so nice to me"

"I know"

"You- how?"

"You didn't know me before Keith. You're hoping to catch him here"

He smiled and nodded

"We haven't had much luck, have we?"

"You're waiting for him too"

"He didn't come with me in the ambulance. He wouldn't know where to find me, even if he wanted to"

"Why wouldn't he want to"

"I was involved with his parents' death"

"Does he know that?"

"Dunno, but that's something I didn't tell him"

"Did you physically pull the trigger"

"Well, no but-"

"Well then it shouldn't matter, should it?"

"I think it matters"

"You got him away from it didn't you? It's because if you that he didn't see his dead parents"

"But he knows they're dead"

"On the first day he was at the orphanage he called out for you"

"Did he?"

He nodded

"Yeah, first he called out for his mum, paused and called out for you"

"I told him his mum was gone"

"Exactly so that proves he trusts you. He won't blame you for his parents deaths"

"Does he trust you?"

"What?"

"It was an angel who killed Adam and injured me. He saw them walk away"

"Oh.. Right. That must by why.."

"Why what?"

He sighed

"After he came back he wouldn't look at me and would flinch whenever I came too close or talked"

"I'm sorry"

"Don't apologise. No one's to blame"

"They specifically targeted me. I was responsible for the deaths of so many like them"

"As in angels or criminals?"

"Both"

"Did you ever pull the trigger"

He slowly nodded

"Sorry"

He stepped back and blinked a couple times.

"I'm just- I'm gonna check if he's downstairs"

"Good luck"

He nodded and left the room.

__

He saw a glance of red wings in the window and choked. His eyes flicked to the ground and he stepped backwards. "I shouldn't be here.."

He turned around and walked away.

__

Hawks got downstairs and looked out around the waiting room. No one he recognised.. He felt eyes on him and looked up but no one was looking his way. He looked out the window and saw someone stumble back then spin around and walk away. He choked and rushed past the people entering. He stumbled outside and looked around. He was pulled towards the right and took of running.

He heard the echo of running footsteps and shut them out. They weren't for him. Someone else would recognise the person running and talk to them instead. He tried to convince himself but no matter what he said he just wouldn't believe it. Hawks was behind him and he knew it. He exhaled.

"Hey Keith"

He bit his tongue and stepped forward but he grabbed his wrist.

"Please, don't ignore me again"

"I'm sorry"

"I know why you did it now, Shiro told me"

"No, I shouldn't have come"

"Keith.."

"You should hate me. Shiro too. I ignored you and left him."

He blinked away tears.

"I can't, I've hurt people and not just ones I know. I push everyone away and still people come back. I shouldn't be treated like-"

Hawks stepped in front of him and pressed his lips against Keith's. He broke away smiling.

"Sorry"

"I should've asked but you weren't stopping and you wouldn't let me talk"

His tears spilled over the edge and Hawks wiped his finger through them.

"Please, don't be nice to me. I don't deserve it"

"Of course you do"

Keith shook his head

"No. I'm part of the Angel Killers. You shouldn't be near me"

Hawks smiled more

"Now that just shows you care"

He shook his head again and exhaled

"No-"

"It was for Shiro, right?"

"I don't want to hurt you.."

"You won't"

"You don't know that! You can't promise something like that"

"Hey"

He shook his head so Hawks grabbed his shoulders.

"Hey!"

Keith opened his eyes but wouldn't look at him

"You won't"

Keith grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands off his shoulders. He dropped his head into his chest and let go of his wrists. Hawks' arms instantly came and wrapped around him. He clicked his tongue.

"Both you and Shiro. Super guilty about people you've killed"

"How is he?"

"He misses you"

He huffed

"Toga was right"

Hawks swayed, pulling Keith with him in the hug.

"You should go up to see him"

"No I-"

"Thats why you were there in the first place. You were probably just hyping yourself up"

Keith sighed

"Hey, I've always been able to read you easily"

"Yeah and I hate it.."

Hawks huffed

"No, you like not having to explaining everything"

"I hate having you in my head"

He just smiled in response

"Can I kiss you again?"

"Sorry, I'll shut up"

He sighed

"No"

"But you said that-"

"I know what I said. But this time it's not to shut you up"

His eyebrows furrowed

"Then why.. No, no. You should hate me!"

"Nothing you do or say could ever make me hate you"

"But-"

"Believe me, I tried"

Keith lifted his head and looked at his face.

"Ever since you came back. I tried for ages because it seemed like you hated me, but no matter what I did, I more I pushed it down, the more it would come back to bite me later"

"You've liked me for that long?"

Hawks looked down and smiled

"Longer"

Keith's face burned and he struggled for words. Hawks stroked his thumb across his cheek.

"Pink looks good on you"

His eyes widened and flicked between Hawks' eyes. His heels rose up and their lips connected again. Hawks instinctively wrapped his arms tighter around his waist and closed his eyes. They broke away gasping for breath. Hawks chuckled.

"What?"

"I can't believe that the Angel Killer has a soft spot for angels."

Keith rolled his eyes.

"I can't believe that you're so fucking tall"

A smirk played on the edge of his lips.

"Makes good hugs"

Hawks lifted him off the ground and wrapped his arms around his neck. Keith's feet dangled above the ground. "What are you doing?"

Hawks only grinned and loosely wrapped his arms around his waist.

"You ready?"

"I don't even know what's happening"

Keith shrieked as Hawks spun around. His eyes clenched shut and he pulled himself towards Hawks.

"Put me down, put me down!"

Hawks chuckled

"Okay, okay"

He slowed his momentum and stopped spinning. Keith gasped and dropped to the ground.

"Sorry, you okay?"

His eyes were still closed and he nodded.

"Do you want me to come with you to see him?"

"Shiro?"

Hawks nodded

"I haven't even decided if I'm going to go see him"

"Yeah but I have. There's no way you can just back out now. It's been over a decade since you last saw each other and now you're so close"

Keith shook his head

"I'm sorry"

He stood up and stepped backwards but Hawks grabbed his wrist

"You can't just apologise and instantly leave. I don't care if I have to drag you up there, you're going to go see him" "Don't you get it? I can't"

"If you don't go see him now, you'll regret for the rest of your life"

"I regret even coming here"

"That's just your nerves speaking"

"It's scary. Having to fight everyday just to keep breathing. Sometimes I don't even know why I try"

"You have your whole life ahead of you"

"But most of that might be spent inside a jail cell"

"Do you regret it? What you've done?"

"Course I do. I still feel guilt every time I use any powers"

"Then quit"

Keith frowned

"Quit killing, quit the Angel killers"

He huffed

"I can't"

You're not tied to anything. You have choices"

"Why should I get to choose to start living my life when I've taken so many others. That's why I can't quit, that's why I can't go see him."

"If that's what you think, then why'd you come here in the first place"

His eyes flicked to the right and his mouth closed. Hawks tugged his arm

"Come on, we'll go up together"

Keith shook his head again and opened his mouth to protest.

"If you give me a lame excuse again, I swear.."

"I want to see him, so bad, but I'm scared of what I'll find"

"What do you think you'll find?"

"I don't know and that's worse!"

"Wanna find out?"

Keith's mouth twitched and his head tilted slightly

"What?"

"You just- That's the same thing you said to me when we were kids"

"You remember that?"

Keith huffed and smiled Hawks tilted his head back towards the hospital

"At least go say hi"

__

His breath quickened as they walked through the hallways. His vision started to blur and his head began to spin. "Please, just pause"

Hawks stopped his feet and looked over his shoulder.

"You good?"

"I just need a minute"

Hawks dropped Keith's wrist. Keith's eyes flicked to the ground and his hands made their way up to his ears. Hawks slung his arms across his shoulders before Keith's hands made it to his ears. His eyes looked up.

"Take all the time you need"

Keith sighed and dropped his eyelids

"Sorry"

"Don't apologise"

After a few minutes of silence Keith huffed

"I think I'm good now"

"Anytime you need to take a break just tell me"

"Yeah, thanks"

Hawks stepped away and pulled on Keith's wrist again.

"Come on, just a few more doors"

'Takashi Shirogone'. His eyes locked onto the sign. He froze for a few moments then spun around.

"I can't do this"

"Quit doubting yourself"

"I'm not ready"

"You're gonna need to be, we're not leaving until you go see him"

His eyebrows pinched and he bit his lip.

"Just open the door"

He turned his shaking hand over and stared at his palm. Hawks interlocked his fingers with Keith's and stroked his thumb over his knuckles

"You're okay, just breathe"

"I can't go in there"

"Yes you can"

"What if everything has changed and I don't recognise him, or what if its all the same and I'm stressing over nothing"

"What if you don't go in there and miss another 10 years with him?"

Keith choked and his fingers twitched

"See? You have to go in there"

He shook his head and Hawks brought their interlocked hands behind Keith's neck. Hawks pulled Keith towards him and wrapped him in a hug. Keith blinked back tears and sighed into his chest.

"Even if things are different I am positive you'll recognise him, and if everything is the same, you didn't know where he was until now"

"What if he doesn't recognise me?"

"Hey, you're not that different. Plus you've got like this aura around you. He'll know it's you"

Keith choked out a laugh. He turned his head back towards the door.

"I don't know what I'm gonna find"

"Well, there's only one way to find out"

Keith huffed

"Go inside?"

"And now you're in my head"

He grinned and pulled away. His trembling hand moved towards the handle. Keith's hand froze and he exhaled. He wrapped his fingers around it and pushed it open. He choked in the familiar smell of Shiro's cologne. His hair was slightly longer and there were grey wisps throughout it but that was the only change his could see. Shiro turned around after the door opened. He shot up

"Keith?!"

Keith tensed and spun around to face the wall.

"Hey"

His eyes flicked over

"Did I not tell you?"

A smile played on the edges of his lips.

"You're easy to recognise"

"Hey, uh.. How you been?"

"I don't even know what to say to that."

His fiddled around with his fingers

"I still have your lighter"

"The silver one?"

"Yeah. Take it with me everywhere"

He stared at the wall as silence covered the room. In one quick motion he opened the door and slid out.

"Is he okay?"

"Don't pretend like this is normal. You're struggling too."

Shiro sighed

"Yeah.. It's just been so long, and we didn't really know each other that long before I was admitted here."

"I'm gonna go find him, but I can't say that we'll be back today"

"That's okay, I'm just glad to see that he's okay"

Hawks gave a weak smile and left the room.

As soon as he entered the hallway he saw him sitting on the ground next to the door.

"Hey"

His eyes slid over and flicked back to the floor.

"You okay?"

"I just - I don't know what to say to him"

"I mean, that's expected. You haven't seen him for a decade"

"Even to 'how have you been?' Oh, I don't know, but here's the list of people who I've killed"

"Do you actually have a list?"

"Not physically, and it's not a full list. Just the people I knew the names of"

"Did you know the names before or after they died?"

"Mix of both but mainly before"

"Did you ever do bounty missions?"

"A few. Can I leave now?"

"Oh - uh yeah"

"Great."

He huffed as he stood up

"You really don't want to be here, do you"

"No, not really"

"Why are you in such a hurry to leave?"

He inhaled sharply and stepped forward, Hawks stopped him by grabbing his arm. Keith froze and shook his head. "I just want to show you something, 'kay?"

"What is it"

"You'll see, come on"

He tugged his wrist slightly Keith huffed and gave a slight smile. His legs followed after Hawks and they left the hospital.