Back in my room, I sat near the hearth fire, combing the long strands of my jet-black hair. The dry heat from the crackling fire dried my tresses as I continued to smooth out the tangles. The loose robe slipped off my shoulder but I didn’t bother to pull it up. 

While my decision was made up, part of me reminisced the years I spent in Linmoor. The only thing certain about the future was that I wasn’t coming back here again. While Linmoor was home, it hadn’t been easy growing up there. I was the youngest person to ever set foot in the valley run by assassins. Without past memories of who I was, I heavily depended on others to guide me.

Lady Elga was strict with me since I was a child. True, without her training I would be nothing today, but none of it had been easy. I was beaten, starved and driven close to an inch from death. Standard assassin training when Elga was your master. 

Then, came the extra tutorials for harnessing the magic in my blood. While I could control fire and stay unburnt, it wasn’t always like that. During a meditative practice, I set the cottage on fire. While the other girls ran out, I remained absorbed in my mind, unaware of the flames growing all around me. 

When I became conscious, I felt death would have been easier. I was badly burnt, barely holding onto life. The agony from all the burns on my body was unbearable. Lady Elga kept me drugged over the next few weeks until my body was healed mostly with her healing magic. 

It took two years of intense patience to get rid of the scars on my body. The elder girls ridiculed me. I was even afraid to look into mirrors during that time. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. Only then I realized no one was coming to comfort me. My tears had no value. No one was moved by them. 

My gaze flickered towards the ornate mirror set up against the wall on the far side of the room. My complexion was flawless now. The skin on the exposed part of my shoulders was smooth and pale. None of the scars remained, but the memory of the pain remained. My green eyes glittered like gems as I held onto the tears, not allowing them to be shed. 

The experience hardened me against the assassins I competed with. As time passed by, I steeled both my heart and body. My control over the magic in my blood grew stronger. I became cold and distant, shielding my emotions from everyone. 

I spent the last five years being one of the best assassins in the guild. The status didn’t make me prideful. I’d paid a heavy price to control my magic, after all. Even now, I woke up in a sweat, thinking I was twelve years old, my body crying with burn wounds.

Over these years, I remained aloof. There was no reason to smile or feel joy. I would either spend my days practicing my martial arts or go on missions. The first time I smiled was when I got Naya. The little snake creature was lively and seemed to understand everything I said, responding to my questions and squeals of delight. He was able to open my heart once again.

I wondered if I would have bothered to help Tilly if Naya hadn’t opened up my heart to other people’s feelings. If I was my old self, I would just leave the girl behind, not caring whether she lived or died. 

Elga often preached about keeping our emotions under control. But I didn’t want to do that anymore. It was exhausting. It was more liberating to feel them. I loved how the three princes made my heart and body throb with desire. I would never wish to suppress these feelings.

A dark shadow flew in through the open doorway. Tuto flopped beside me on the floor, his snowy-white wings spread wide. A mouse dangled from his beak.

“Go on,” I said, stroking it head. “Gobble it up.” His large, tawny eyes stared up at me before starting on his meal. “We’re going on a journey,” I told him while he tore into the mouse. He made no response. Tuto was like that. He listened but never responded.

Sighing, I got off the floor. Pulling the robe over my shoulders, I fastened the tie securely around my waist. It was time to get dressed and see Elga.

I began with my hair. Taking sections of it, I began braiding the strands. While my hands worked, my mind went back to contemplating the meeting to come. That morning, Elga called me to give the mission of assassinating Emperor Ivan. If she hadn’t been interrupted by Cain and Adal, she would have directly given me the command. And once an order was given, there was no way to refuse it. 

Anger shone in my green eyes as I stared at my frowning reflection. It was definitely the right choice and time to get out of Linmoor. Elga would never care for me, no matter how long she’d known me. Still, the lost little girl inside me hoped she would have shown some shred of affection after all this time.