“Heave, ho!”

Men unbothered by the hot sun striking down at them in the middle of noon carried a small rowboat to shore. It was low tide, and the stairs to the sea by the villa were finally free from being submerged and led its steps down to the white sand coarse against Briar’s bare feet. Cries of seagulls filled the air, searching for fish to eat. Arms crossed on his chest and eyebrows pinched, the young master watched in silence at the crowd reaching the shore with Castriel following behind them. Eyes meeting momentarily, the sorcerer waved at the young man a meter away, grinning as if victory was within his grasp. Briar could only return the enthusiasm half-heartedly with a tiny wave. His mind buzzing with scenarios that might happen as soon as Castriel ventures off into the waters in search of something within his grasp if he only knew.

Drowning. Starvation. Storms and untamed winds. Anything could happen to the museum curator in a split second if nature were to cast her wrath. Images of Castriel dying in the worst way possible plagued his mind and dreams, unable to sleep peacefully when the other was barely exuding fear.

What would make him give up on such foolishness? There’s got to be a way somehow…

Four days have passed since Castriel Persimore proposed a disastrous bet that was bound to end with his head lowered in defeat. There was no need to hire a fortune teller or read the stars to find out how it would end. The moment Castriel laid out his cards on the table, there was no room for doubt that he was going to lose. Even if he were to risk his life, Castriel Persimore may never uncover the truth unless Briar wanted to.

However, at the possible consequence of never seeing the sorcerer again, Briar continued to deny his beliefs—that perhaps it wasn’t a mermaid’s scale he found. It was torture to the young man to see the sorcerer’s disappointment flash in those eyes every time he did, especially when his proof and reasons were shot down by Briar in every way. Yet nothing compares to his chest tightening at the notion of never seeing him again. Cementing the fact, he enjoyed the company of the sorcerer despite how short it had been. If anything, Castriel has made a place in the young master’s heart step by step, and he would be too stupid to throw it all away to pursue a mermaid he never saw in his life.

Yet, no matter how much the young man tried to make him give up and plead for the museum curator to come to his senses, Castriel moved forward with his plans.

All efforts of the young master were met in vain. Efforts washed away and came in proof of this when his beloved suitor bought a rowboat to use in search of the mermaid he wanted to see with his own naked eye. Exhaling aloud and clicking his tongue, Briar went back to the cloth he laid out on the sand and sat there. Shaking his head at the stubborn actions that led up to this day, Briar could only stare from afar as the boat was set down and had its first taste of the mouth-twisting water.

“Thank you, Sir.” The men who helped the sorcerer were then given their payment for their services and trudged out of the beach, back to where they came from. Castriel then walked up to Briar who was awaiting him, quiet and calm as the ocean up until the sorcerer smiled down at his expressionless face.

He had to try and convince him again.

“Do you have to do this?”

“Yes.” The sorcerer answered instantly, taking the empty spot next to Briar and exhaled. “Nothing else is going to change my mind with what I’m about to do. I am a man of my word, Briar.”

Eye twitching at the statement, Briar inhaled deeply. “And what if I tell you there is nothing out there for you to see? What if you hurt yourself and then what?” Balling his hands into fists, the young man averted his gaze into the ocean and further out. The ocean beyond the rocks was as deep as its color, hiding whatever lurks down there if any. Castriel dying out in the ocean had a slim chance, but he was not keen on underestimating it.

Not when he knew the waters too well.

“Just… trust me in this, Briar,” Castriel spoke in a low tone, the corner of his lips curved faintly. Hand patting the young master’s shoulder and gripping it earnestly as if it would make Briar’s fears of such an endeavor disappear. It didn’t do anything to ease the young master’s burden. “I will find the mermaid, I promise you. I’ll make sure to take extra caution as soon as I gather evidence.”

“What if I tell you it’s a lost cause in the end?” Facing the blond man with determination this time, Briar furrowed his brows along with his onslaught of questions. “What if I don’t want to marry you despite winning this bet? You know you can’t force me if I don’t want to. Will you still do it? Are you that interested in those creatures to venture off into the waters? Do you even realize how dangerous it can be?”

Blinking at the young man’s inquiries and accusing tone, Castriel could only swallow his curiosity at how such a reaction came to be. “Yes, I’m prepared for whatever may happen.”

“Why?” Briar whispered, unable to comprehend what was fascinating about a mermaid—enough to risk a lot. “Why are you doing this? Why are you going to such lengths?”

The sorcerer’s gaze softened, taking a strand of Briar’s hair to kiss it. “In case your illness grew worse… In case I wouldn’t be able to save you from it, at least I gave you a beautiful memory to carry off with you.”

“Beautiful?” Huffing at the choice of word, Briar retaliated bitterly as he stood up. “Mermaids are not beautiful, Castriel. They are the most hideous creatures to grace these waters. Man-eating beasts, tempting those who are naïve enough to fall for their charms! A sinner in the eyes of the gods. What’s so beautiful about them? And capturing one—an extinct creature—is as impossible as becoming a god! You’re better off climbing the tallest mountain than swimming the deepest trenches to find it.”

“Briar, tell me honestly. Are you upset because of the bet? Or at me?” Castriel approached the young man and stood behind him, brows pinched in utter confusion. “And nothing bad will happen to me. I will only be in the waters for a week… Why are you so worried?”

“I’m upset at both! Because you decided to have one and how you can easily throw our relationship away if you lose.” Heaving, he then turned his back on Castriel. “You say you love me… But I guess what mattered to you most was to see these creatures and prove their existence—enough to boldly claim you won’t see me again if you lose a silly bet. Do I matter so little to you?”

“That is not true! We both know that.” Castriel grabbed the young man by the wrist, forcing him to look at the sorcerer’s eyes which Briar avoided. “Why are you saying such things? You matter to me, more than you may know. It’s just that… I want to know if they do exist to this day. Are you not curious as well?”

“Even if it kills me—I’ll never appear in front of you ever again.”

The words Castriel said that day echoed in his head, taunting and threatening him. And then, a thought hit him. What was he so afraid of? Castriel was practically immortal. What was there to fear in the ocean but himself, a merman? If anything, what he should be fearing for is Castriel discovering what he truly is. And if he does come to know, Briar would have to choose between killing the sorcerer or entrusting him with his secret. Was this what he was truly afraid of? The dream of spending a normal day in bliss and harmony with Castriel is cut off short because his hideous form comes to light?

What am I so afraid of?

“No, I’m not. What is there to be curious about a monster?” Pulling off the hand gripping his wrist, Briar then walked off in the direction of the villa. Ignoring the sorcerer calling for him. “Do whatever you want then.”

༻❈༺

When did I start being cruel?

Leaning against the balcony, Briar stared off at the ocean and the speck floating from afar for three days. The speck was Castriel in his new rowboat, searching for the mermaid he claimed he could capture. Remembering the day the blond left to go into the waters, Briar now wished he had said something. An apology or words of encouragement. Anything to make the museum curator smile again, not cast shadows or forlorn glances.

Regret is always experienced at the end, never at the start or in the middle of a heated argument. Briar wished he could turn back time and remove his scale from the beach, away from Castriel’s sight. If he didn’t see the scale, they would probably be in the dining room, discussing what to eat for lunch or what activity they would be indulging themselves in. Whatever it was, Briar knew he would enjoy every moment of it. Every second, every smile, every touch. Every kiss and sweet nothing Castriel hummed to him whenever he had the chance. Hugging himself, Briar sighed at the memory that seemed too long ago.

What am I so afraid of? Losing Castriel? Him finding out I’m a merman? Or for him to betray me one day? But why do I fear those? I never had to ask myself these questions before… Never had to think twice when it came to the other suitors.

About to head back inside, his eyes caught an unmistakable burning light from Castriel’s boat. A fire. Concerned and bewildered, Briar strained his head to see what could have caused it or what was happening out there. However, due to how far the sorcerer was, he couldn’t tell at all. Palms sweaty and teeth gritted, he dashed out of the house and to the beach. The sand was cool to the soles of his feet for the sun had been hiding most of the day. Worried about the sorcerer’s wellbeing, Briar started removing his shoes when he stopped short.

I shouldn’t save him. Castriel is a threat. I should kill him off before he connects things together. I should let him die out there… Less messy and I don’t have to come up with an alibi—

The fire grew and now, the sorcerer’s boat was akin to a floating torch on the water. Burning brightly to attract anyone from afar. Briar’s heartbeat stopped momentarily, mouth agape at the scene.

And at that moment, everything didn’t matter.

A fact his heart knew from the moment Castriel treated him with the utmost care was made known to the young master. One he never acknowledged and tried to keep in the dark corners of his mind. Castriel holding him gently, asking first before doing, always patient, always understanding—things he couldn’t wrap his head around until today. Wasting no time, Briar threw his shoes and started to enter the water. His fears brought up on daylight for him, crystal clear.

Losing Castriel? Yes, I’m afraid of losing him.

Castriel finding out his true form? Yes, because I fear he won’t love me anymore.

Castriel betraying him? Yes, because I don’t want to bid him farewell.

But why do I fear those?

Because he loves him.

He loves Castriel Persimore.

He loves Castriel.

“Such foolishness…” And into the waters, Briar goes. Swimming in the direction of where Castriel was losing his battle against the ocean’s might.

༻❈༺

“Castriel… Please wake up.”

“Please, wake up…”

Air forced its way down his throat and pressure was on his chest. Saltwater exited Castriel’s lungs, coughing it out of his mouth as soon as he regained consciousness. Fisted hands against the sand beneath him, dry land. His body shivering due to the cold breeze hitting his soaked clothes and skin—a contrast to the hot smoke searing his skin when his boat caught fire. Eyes fluttering open, he was met with the bright visage of Briar staring down at him in worry. Thoroughly soaked as he, evidence that the young man has saved his life from certain death, Castriel then closed his eyes with a sigh.

Waves crashed against the shore; the sand rough against his damp feet that stuck with him when Briar dragged him out of the water. Emerging from the clouds was the sun, shining down for a moment on everything it could see then disappearing once more. A visage of his futile attempts to capture a mermaid—a fleeting chance. He has to embrace the truth. He should have seen through it from the beginning. However, what was humiliating was how he hadn’t even reached the final stretch of his search.

He had failed.

Castriel has to be true to his word, and never see Briar again.

No matter how much it pains him.

“I’m sorry, Briar—”

“Don’t say that. Don’t.” Embracing the blond tightly, Briar bit his lip as he held back tears. Heart pounding like a drum in its ribcage, eyes unable to wash away the image of Castriel sinking to the bottom of the ocean along with his belongings. His boat was burning, falling apart on the surface as its passenger continued to descend. Close to dying. Losing air. Convulsing and gasping. Hands claw the water to reach the surface. “Please don’t apologize to me. I should be doing that—I let you go… I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry, Castriel. I’m sorry for being the coward I am!”

Sitting up, the sorcerer tried to lift the young man’s face from the ground where he shamefully hid his tearful face from his view. “W-why are you apologizing? You saved me—I-I don’t know how, but Briar, if it weren’t for you…”

Clamping a hand over the blond’s mouth, Briar glanced up with glossed eyes. “No, don’t remind me… And I won’t stop apologizing. I was stupid and refused to acknowledge my feelings. I thought that I wouldn’t be able to love anyone since Icarus… Even to this day, I still hold those feelings of love for him. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I have been fooling myself the entire time, thinking it would be impossible. But when you said you wanted to capture a mermaid, I was afraid. Afraid that you may fail and never want to see me again. That you resorted to such a bet because you were growing desperate. You don’t have to prove anything to me, Castriel. Capturing a mermaid or doing anything drastic to impress me. You didn’t have to in the first place—I should have made that known to you.”

The sorcerer’s cobalt eyes grew a fraction at every statement, unsure of what to absorb and what to ask. Overwhelming, it was indeed. Especially when Briar was saying he, too, loves him. The tightening of his hold around his shivering form, the tears of fright streaming down his cheeks.

“Briar, I—” Castriel’s eyes widened when his words never left his lips upon having Briar press his own against his urgently. Fervently, greedy, and at the same time, soft. Castriel couldn’t choose whether to kiss back in equal fervor or to hold the young man close until no inch between them was spared. Yet, one thing was for sure, as he placed a hand on Briar’s cheek as he deepened the kiss, his heart was singing in victory for he had achieved his goal before the one-month courtship was over.