CHAPTER 2: THE OTHER.

The one who was

Stories about campus from his older brother made Kim look forward to it. His expectations were high. He always felt that he would finally get to be himself once he joined campus, that, that world would allow him to evolve to his final form. But, when he was in high school, whenever he tried to imagine himself as a campus student, he could never really form that image in his mind, even with his brother’s stories. And so he himself anticipated seeing the kind of person he would become. He was an audience of his own life.

Having an older brother made life a lot less difficult for Kim. He always knew what to expect, what to do and what not to. His brother was in his final year and Kim would be living with him in the same apartment and so he wouldn’t struggle as others did. He was conscious of that advantage though he was still aware that it wouldn’t be easy. But he also believed that life was a series of problem and problem solving and he was optimistic that he would solve all of his future problems. He wanted to experience it all, to absorb it, all of the good and the bad.

He first saw HER on the admission day. He had never seen anyone like her. She had a strong presence. She really existed, occupied time and space. It was like she was the only person in the field which actually held thousands. Kim always felt like he was just another face in the crowd and so he envied her but also admired her. At that moment, he thought he would have wanted to know her. Being in the same line meant that they were in the same course and that made him feel like he had a chance. But he also knew that he couldn’t have been the only one who had seen her.

Love was something Kim wanted to explore. He had never been in love before but he believed that he would have to experience it in campus. He didn’t care if it would be mutual or not. He just craved the feeling of loving someone, he wanted be suffocated by it. That romantic love he had heard so much about.

From then, they crossed paths in school, sometimes outside school. Kim always wanted to approach her but the timing always felt wrong. The day he finally approached her was the day after they went drinking with his brother. It was Friday night. None of them had made plans and also they both found themselves in the apartment, bored in silence while the rest of the world around them was engulfed with loud music and shouting. ‘Tuende keg?’ his brother asked him and he found himself in a small bar drinking keg mixed with cheap spirits. Kim found it difficult to drink.

After an hour of drinking, they were outside the joint eating mutura. ‘Msee unakumbuka Yule dem Fulani nilikuwa nakushow?’ Kim was a talkative drunk. ‘Yule hunyamazangi kuhusu?, his brother asked. ‘eeh’ ‘Rada? mlikulana?.... ‘ongeza zingie za mbao mbao’ his brother added to the butcher man. ‘Msee lazima ubring up kukulana?’ Kim asked while laughing. ‘kwani nini ingine watu hufanya campo?’ ‘Sijui…kusoma,kuestablish maisha…..sawa basi,hatukukulana,ata sijawahi mbongesha’.They continued eating as they walked away. ‘Waah,mutura za huyo msee ziunimaliza,hizo ata nikiweza ambiwa ni nyama ya paka siwezi jali’. Kim laughed almost falling off the edge of the road. ‘Cheki msee,acha kuchoma githaa,ukipatana na huyo dem next,enda tu umwambie ‘Hi’,hivyo tu,venye atajibu,obviously atasema ‘hi’ pia,lakini vile ataisema, utajua kama hizo ndio words pekee mtawahi ambiana ama kama ukona chance…wewe ni mwanaume,acha kuogopa’

Kim lay in his bed facing upwards. It was the posture he unknowingly took whenever something troubled him. He did not usually fear rejection from girls, boys his age are usually used to it but this was different. He actually wanted to be accepted unlike other times when he didn’t care.

Every Saturday he left for places he had never been to before to experience new food and live music. His brother usually accompanied him but on that Saturday, he did not as, he was nursing the worst hangover of his life. He had had many other ‘worst hangovers of his life.’

Kim had formed a habit of listening to the music he had in his phone every time after attending a live music event. He had realized that experiencing live music made him appreciate music generally in a new way. Every beat and string, it was like it came alive in his ears. Like listening to music for the first time.

On that Saturday, as he was walking back to his apartment, blasting music in his earphones, there was a tap on his right shoulder and he jumped, almost screaming. He turned quickly and what he first saw was the most beautiful smile. It was HER. She was laughing weakly.

‘Fuck! nimechoma’ He thought to himself. His lips formed odd shapes. It was like, for a moment, Kim had forgotten how to speak. His mind jumped from one word to the other trying to find the perfect words. He was sweating. That short moment had felt like an eternity before HER broke it. 'Hi' she said smiling.Kim immediately remembered his brother's words 'Hi pekee' and with a huge forced smile he replied 'Hi' hoping it would act as a sign of the level of his interest in her,but, she was not familiar with his brother's crazy theories.‘Kwani umetoka wapi? She asked and Kim took his time and answered confidently knowing that it would impress her, if she was the kind of person he thought she was. ‘Walai ? wapi? She asked in excitement. Kim smiled. He told her about the events he had been to and she invited herself to the next one.It did not feel real. He had dreamt about that first conversation with HER but it was way better than anything he had imagined. At the end of their conversation, at a spot they had stood at for almost an hour without realizing it, they exchanged an awkward goodbye to which Kim added ‘I’m Kimani btw’ and she replied, ‘I know’.

What Kim didn’t know was that she was looking at him all along, the same as he did. She loved how mysterious Kim was. To her, he always seemed to be up to something and she felt a strong urge to want to know. She was aware of how Kim felt or at least that he had some interest in her. Kim did not do much to hide it, contrary to what he thought.

They went to the live performance on the next Saturday and it was much better than something from a book or a romantic comedy. He wasn’t as nervous as he thought he would be. Everything was just effortless. Everything felt right. Kim felt that on that particular day, the right words just came out of his mouth. They talked about a lot, because what’s a better catalyst for conversation than music. They talked about their dreams, their ideas on life and how much they enjoyed watching and listening to live music.

She was the same as Kim, she wondered if there was more to life than studying and paying bills and she too hoped there was. She hoped that there was a meaning to existence but on that day, being with each other felt like a good enough meaning to their existence. Since then,music was a big part of their relationship.

That evening, as they walked back to their places, Kim offered to walk her to her apartment but she refused. They parted ways after an awkward goodbye moment where each wondered whether to hug, shake hands or kiss like they do in movies. They hugged. As Kim lay on his bed that night, forming shapes from the patterns on the ceiling, he realized that he just had his first date with her. He was afraid of a lot of things, this was new to him but he still felt like he wanted to be with her every second of the day. She had become his most favorite person. Every moment without her felt wasted.

‘Msee, kunaendaje na Yule dem wako?’ His brother asked. It was months after their first date. Kim and his brother were having dinner. ‘Tuko poa,huyo dem ni…ata sijui niseme aje,yaani ako…ako perfect,sioni word ingine naweza tumia…Though…hajakuwa akireply text zangu but…tuko fiti’ Kim replied while smiling. His older brother looked at him and laughed. ‘Msee,ushachangwa na galdem na bado uko first year….nikimada chuo nani atakuwa hapa kukupeleka kukunywa ukiwa na heartbreak.’ It was just a month before his older brother completed the entirety of his higher education.

‘Msee…nakumbia mi hadi sahi naona the bigger picture..as in…naona hadi after campo…yaani huyu dem,anaweza kuwa yaani..the one.’ His older brother laughed hard for a whole minute after hearing that. A little tear fell from his eyes. ‘najua vile insound,’ Kim protested, ‘.. lakini nakushow..’ ‘Hujui kitu msee!’ His brother interrupted. ‘Mwanaume habebangwi na hizi vitu kama fala…lakini najua hakuna shit naweza kuambia yenye inaweza make sense kwako sahi.’

His brother completed his remaining month and he was leaving. They were both packing their stuff since Kim had to move from the two bedroom apartment to a bedsitter now that he was by himself. Kim’s attention was divided on that entire day , he kept checking his phone after every three minutes.

‘ Oya,weh! nini mbaya?’ His brother asked him as they stood at the bus stop.His brother was about to leave. ‘Msee! Shit, toa kichwa kwa simu’ He said as he snapped his fingers at Kim’s face and Kim quickly put his phone in his pocket. ‘Nini mbaya?’ His brother asked again. ‘Hachukui phone,na hareply texts..’ Kim replied while looking genuinely worried. ‘Huyu dem wako...hii ni mara ngapi amefanya hivyo?’ Kim was quiet. They stood there in silence. The bus came and was parked for entry. ‘Ah! Wacha mimi niende,mimi nimemalizana na hii maisha ya ma chapo beans. Naweza pitia hivi kama nitawahi kuja hizi sides..sawa?’ His brother looked at Kim and knew that he hadn’t listened to any of what he had just said. He placed his right arm on Kim’s shoulder while looking at him directly and said ‘Jiweke poa,usikule food za ufala,Oh na ukisaka keja,uangalie choo vile iko, choo mbaya itakutoment maisha yako yote ya campo..sawa bye.’ He then picked his bag and got into the bus. ‘Bye’ Kim said to him but he was already in the bus. As he moved to his new apartment, trying to fit his bed between two walls, he got a notification from his phone and quickly checked it. It was a text from HER, the first in almost a week. He let go of the bed, it hit the window in his room, cracking a window pane.

That was over a year ago. In present day, Kim was in his apartment, getting high, eating then sleeping. He was a mess. He had been like that for two weeks. He had got to a point where it got difficult to sleep but the weed slightly helped when it came to that. Sleeping helped him fight the urge to try and contacting HER. He was deeply regretting something he barely remembered doing.

His phone rang, making him get up from the bed. He was not asleep. It was an unknown number and couldn’t guess who it was. He had been ignoring all calls from contacts he had saved. He picked the call. ‘Hi Kim, sorry I got caught up with something, I’ll be coming over in an hour with the work. You said you’ve already done some of it, so I’ll need you to show me how you did it…umh…that’s all… okay’ and the phone went quiet .Kim got it from his ear and stared at it wondering what that was about. He thought that it may have been a mistake but then she had called him by his name. He was confused. He didn’t recognize whose voice it was or what she was talking about.

‘Itabidi umeanza kuclean up msee, huyo dem ako fiti, usiwache apate hii place ikikaa hivi’ a voice came from the washroom. There was a sound of the toilet flushing and then the door swung open. Kim looked. His eyes were wide open.