Classes were boring. All I could think about was how to deal with this situation. Should I leave this city too? I could easily pack up my things and start over again somewhere else.

But I don’t want to.

In front of me, Noah is trying to convince Malakai to watch The Conjuring for our next movie night, while eating the famous university chicken. Malakai is trying to dissuade him - but dissuading Noah is pretty much impossible. Knowing Malakai, he’ll cave in. He can’t refuse anything when it comes to Noah.

Sometimes I wonder, how did they become friends? On one hand, we have Noah, such a sweetheart, liked by everyone, just a pure ray of sunshine. And on the other hand, we have Malakai, a red-headed introvert with anger issues, who barely talks to anyone but Noah, and has a constant b*tch face. Despite that, they’re best friends. They’re always together. 

Malakai wakes me up from my thoughts. “You look like shit.” Malakai doesn’t have a filter, which is something I like. I'm done with people’s bullshit, that’s all I’ve ever known. 

“Well thank you, Carrot head,” I say, to which he gives me a death stare.

“You really should take care of yourself Adriel. Did something happen?” says Noah, with a worried look. Noah saw me at my worst, he knows when something is wrong.

“Everything’s fine, I just couldn’t sleep,” I pause, looking at Malakai’s chicken. “Maybe because I couldn’t wait for the chicken”, I continue, stealing a piece from Malakai. He steals one of mine in return. I love pissing him off. I think that’s why I don’t want to leave again. People in this university like me, I’m actually pretty popular, like Liam was in high school. I even have friends at the bar next to my place, the Hideout. I usually go there when I want to find an easy hookup, the women there love me. 

I fit in. And that had never happened before.

Malakai and Noah start to stand up, it’s time to go back to class. I’ll try not to think about this situation too much, or I’ll lose it.

****

My day is finally over. I’m going back home with my earphones on. Suddenly, I feel someone rushing behind me, closing the distance. I start to walk faster.

Did they find me already?

No, I’m not ready for that yet. It must be just some stranger walking fast.

Out of the blue, they start running towards me. I feel a ray of electricity through my body and it acts on its own. I turn around and grab him by the collar of his shirt..

“What do you want?” I say between my teeth. He looks terrified.

“My..My bus..” he answers, blinking. I turn around to see his bus leaving the station. He must’ve been running to catch it - which I prevented him from doing by wrongfully attacking him. 

I feel horrible. I release him and apologize. Around us, everyone’s staring at me. The horrified stares, I remember those. They send chills down my spine and a weight starts growing in my stomach. I walk again, trying to ignore the whispers around me, so loud it feels like they’re shouting. I feel like my legs are going to vanish beneath me. My breath is irregular. 

I'm having a panic attack.

I sprint to the nearest back alley and sit there, my head between my knees and covering my ears with my hands. I can still hear them. It’s just like back then - the panic attacks, the paranoia, the fear. How could it come back so fast? I can barely breathe.

I need help.

I used to have them all the time before I left my hometown. Someone was always there to help me-

I dial his number. He picks up in a matter of seconds. 

“Adriel? What’s wrong?”

I can’t speak, but my loud breathing says it all.

“Send me your location.”

I hang up and send it to him. Right after pressing Send, my vision became pitch black, a high-pitched sound ringing in my ears.

****

Someone’s shaking me gently and calling my name. I open my eyes.

“Adriel? Look at me.” Liam’s squatting in front of me, cupping my face with his hands. “I am here, you’re okay. Take deep breaths.”

I slowly regain my senses. My head rested on Liam’s hand, his thumb gently caressing my cheek. My panic attack stopped but I have a big lump in my throat, I can barely swallow. After a few minutes, Liam breaks the silence. “Can you stand up?” I nod. He takes my arm and puts it over his shoulder, then grabs me by the waist. “I’m taking you back home, we’ll walk slowly. Just don’t pass out on me again, ok?”

****

I don’t really remember walking back home. I just woke up in my bed and Liam was sitting in the chair in the corner of my room, scrolling on his phone. He lifts his eyes up from his phone. He puts his phone in his pocket and comes to sit on at the end of the bed.“How are you feeling?”

“Better. I’m sorry for calling you like this.”

“It’s okay,” he answers, “reminded me of old times.”

That’s true, I always used to call him when I had panic attacks, and he’d always come running. I used to think nothing of it, but now I truly feel guilty. I never returned his kindness or truly thanked him for it. Instead, I acted like a spoiled brat and left him behind.

“Do you want to talk about what happened? Did you see your brothers’ men?”

“No, I just attacked a random guy thinking he was after me.” He gives me a surprised look. “I'm getting paranoid.”

“Adriel, I want to stay here until things get better.” Right, he’s still here. I thought he’d be gone by the time I came back home. Although, I did call him assuming he’d come to help me. 

“I don’t need-”

“I want to protect you,” he cuts me. “I couldn’t protect you once - it won’t happen again.”

I clench my jaw.  “Liam, that’s cheesy.”
“Shut up,” he says, color rising to his cheeks. “I’m staying.”

“What if I say no?”

He grins. “I’m not asking for your permission.” He stands up and heads to the door. “Good night Adriel, call me if you need anything”. He leaves my room without looking back. I look at the mural clock in front of my bed - it’s already 10pm. I slept for three hours. 

I’m not going to lie - a part of me does feel safer with him here. But what if this leads to something else? Our friendship - relationship - it was so intense. We couldn’t stay apart, my world being incomplete without him - and vice versa. I was also so jealous and insecure about our relationship, it drove us to where we are now - nothing. 

When I left, I was a wreck. If I hadn’t met Noah that day- I can’t go through something like that again. 

My thoughts are scrambled and sleep seems out of reach. I toss and turn.