POV: Milan

Monday

Milan envied everyone who could simply be content with their sexualities, once they figured out that they weren’t default straight. Cara’s girlfriend Nicky was one of those examples. She figured out she was into girls when she was fourteen, and came out as soon as she was sure. To her parents—who couldn’t care less, as long as she’d be happy—to her friends, to everyone. Even the pastor in church knew within a week of her figuring out.

Nicky was like that, just telling people what she thought and felt. She didn’t care what others said or thought about it.

Milan’s cousin Neo was one of those people. Milan didn’t remember the conversation in which Neo had confined in him about liking his best friend Calo, but he knew it happened. Neo was happily out and proud, dating the guy. Milan knew Neo had other issues to worry about, over his sexuality. It simply had been simple to him; he loved a guy, so what?

Milan’s biggest opponent in skiing, Ben Welsh, was like that. He came out when he was dating a guy, and he had been lobbying for the rights of the LGBTQ+ community ever since.

Milan respected all of them for being brave like that. Even in a world were the LGBTQ+ community was getting more rights and more acceptance, there still was a lot of hatred too. Coming out wasn’t easy, and they all did it.

Though, Milan wasn’t sure if Ben had struggled to come out as bisexual prior to his actual coming out, like he himself was.

Simply said, Milan wouldn’t dare to tell his own parents he thought he was gay. His father? Maybe. His mother? Never. But being raised in a household full of boys, made him feel uncomfortable to tell them he wasn’t default like his four brothers. He witnessed multiple times how happy his parents were whenever either one of his four brothers had brought over a girl they had been dating.

He knew how much his mother loved Cara, when Milan was still faking a relationship with her. She still loved her now, and she every so often mentioned how she thought it was such a shame that Cara broke up with Milan because of Nicky.

And Milan badly wanted to tell her the break-up was mutual, for similar reasons; but he never got the words out of his mouth.

First and foremost because they had all kept track of Ben Welsh’ progress and reputation back when they were still actively competing against each other; and Milan had heard their judgement when they found out Ben publicly came out, showing his boyfriend in public. He knew they disapproved of it, simply because they weren’t positive about it. Neither were they understanding when it came to his cousin Neo. His mother once wondered why on Earth her sister would support Neo; he was already different enough as it was with his OCD.

Still, Milan did tell Neo—though he couldn’t remember—and eventually even his brother Mass, who was right about the only brother he got along with. And every so often, he called Mass to vent about his frustrations. Not just about his sexuality, the lack of possibilities to actually experiment with it or the fact he couldn’t tell their parents. He’d vent to Mass about everything, including his slow recovery, the dying wish to get back on snow and ice, and whatever else that was bothering him.

“If you keep brooding in silence, nothing is ever going to change,” Mass wisely told him, and Milan pictured him waving a lecturing finger while laying on his bed in his tiny two-person dorm room. “Did you tell Dad you badly want to ski again?”

“No, because I’m quite sure he will remind me of the fact we agreed to let go of that dream and focus on a decent education to secure a future,” Milan replied, repeating his father’s words while rolling his eyes.

“Well, if you won’t tell him, you will never know for sure. Besides, you’re doing fine in recovery by now, right?”

“Just my head… still fuzzy and unfocused a lot.”

“Can’t you ask Jake to join you? He could even shoot a video to show Dad that you’re fine.”

“I contemplated on doing that, yeah.”

“So? What’s holding you back?”

“I’m…” Milan replied softly, taking in a deep breath, “I’m just scared, okay? I don’t think I could hit the half pipe again. Like, ever.”

“It’s a process, and you just need to find someone who can teach you how to overcome that fear. But the half pipe would be the last part of the slope you should be thinking about. Why not head over to the mountain with Jake, and just take the easy slopes? Just skiing, no tricks, no jumps.”

“Mom and Dad would immediately know I took my skis with me. They’re in full view in the garage and Dad parks his car there every day after work. I can’t possibly take them.”

“Borrow some of Jake’s skis. Stop making up fucking excuses Mimi. If you want to ski, go for it. Your doctors and physical therapists all cleared you weeks ago. The only things that are holding you back, are your own fear, and the excuses you come up with. Stop being such a fucking pussy.”

Milan smirked, staring at his ceiling. But before he could reply, or argue back, Mass continued:

“You were always the stubborn one of us all. Mom and Dad didn’t want any more kids, but still you came along. You’ve been like that since you were conceived—"

“They didn’t want a fourth kid either, but you’re here too.”

“Not the fucking point, baby-bro. If you wanted something, you went for it. Always and ever. That’s how you got to where you were before too. You make your dreams come true. I always admired that in you. So, if you want to get back out there to ski, fucking go ahead and make it come happen.”

Milan took in a deep, content breath. “Thanks, bro. I think I needed to hear that.”

“Good. Now, I’ll be home during the weekend. If you haven’t been skiing by then, I’ll make sure to make time in my busy schedule to kick your ass and drag you there myself.”

Milan laughed, nodding his head, knowing Mass would probably actually drag him up the mountain if he had to. “I’ll talk to Jake tomorrow, and make sure I’ve been out there this week.”

“Good. Anything else I need to preach about?”

“Ugh,” Milan groaned, but then he sighed, shaking his head, “no, I’m good, for now. Nothing that can’t wait until the weekend.”

“Well, if you do feel the need to talk about anything sooner, call me.”

“Will do, thanks for listening, as always.”

Milan said his goodbyes to Mass, hanging up the phone before he sat up on his bed, his shoulders slumping down. Thinking about skiing made him nervous, and he knew if he didn’t actually pull through right then, he would chicken out again the next day. Which was why he decided to shoot Jacob a text to tell him they needed to talk the next day.

Mass’ idea to video a session on skis to persuade his parents into letting him ski again wasn’t such a bad idea. He wouldn’t be asking them to get back into tournaments in freestyle skiing. No, he just wanted to ski for fun. At least he could feel free again. At least he would feel slightly normal again.

So, maybe it really wasn’t a bad idea to go for it, and fight for what he wanted. Like Mass had said, if Milan wanted something, he made it happen. So, why had he been holding himself back from doing what he wanted most in life, skiing?