The memory was of Kim walking in Nairobi town holding hands with someone.As Kim watched, he understood what was going on, he turned to The other, ‘Hii ndio plan yako? Kunionyesha memories zangu ndio sijui ni derive lesson fulani?’ to which The other casually answered, ‘Eeh,..exactly…,sa nyamaza na uwatch’.

Ever since their first date,Kim and HER would save up and go out every Saturday. This memory was of one of those days. It was about two months after they had started dating. They had just left the cinema hall and they were going to have lunch. Kim paused the video and turned to The other. ‘Nakumbuka hii day,hakuna ati kitu ya maana ilihappen’ The other didn’t pay any attention to him and so Kim continued to watch. They were passing the route outside Jamia mosque where they were stopped by a street child who asked them if they had anything to spare. Kim immediately went into his pocket to dig for coins and gave them to the boy. As they left, she told him how she thought it was messed up him doing that. She argued that all these kids had homes that they returned to every night, that they had abled parents who abused them and used them to get easy money and so by giving the kids money, he was supporting that messed up business set up and that was the last time Kim ever gave money to any street child.

The other took the remote again and continued to forward the clips. Kim looked at him doing it, it was like he knew what exactly he was searching for. He passed the remote back to Kim,then walked back and sat on the table. Kim pressed play and a few seconds into the video, he remembered that day. It was one of those days he wished he couldn’t remember. It was the Trojan horse incident. They were at Kim’s apartment. It was different back then, it was well organized, even had more light getting in. They were having a conversation. She was explaining something enthusiastically but by the look on Kim’s face, you could tell that he did not feel the same about whatever it was she was talking about. She was telling him a story of how one of her friends was quitting school to do what she loved. HER talked about how that was a big mistake. She argued that life was all about compromising something and not always getting what you want but Kim differed with her, ‘Mi siamini hivo,Sikuizi mazee watu wenye wanafanya kenye wanapenda wamekuwa….a rare breed, kila mtu ni kutafuta safety kwa employment……kwa papers…so…mi…nikiona watu kama huyo dem..actually… nafeel inspired.’ Those were Kim’s exact words and the moment he was done saying them, she was at the door, walking out. She then went silent on him for almost a week. Kim wondered what wrong he had committed to deserve such punishment and so he bought the horse to help him apologize and since then, he never dared to openly differ with her,ever again.

The other was scrolling for another memory. ‘Cheki,umekuwa ukinionyesha hizi memories na husemi kitu’ Kim asked while looking at him. The other kept coughing and looked as if he was getting pale, thin and weaker. ‘Zimebaki mbili,weh zicheki kwanza.’ He gave the remote back to Kim and walked back to his seat. Kim looked at him , he was worried about him but didn’t ask, he felt like he already knew the answer to what was happening to him. He raised the remote and pressed play.

The memory was of when Kim’s father was having surgery. His life was already at risk even before the surgery and so his wellbeing wasn’t a hundred percent assured. Kim had asked HER to spend the day with him, to help him get his mind off the surgery, at least until it was over and she agreed to go over to his place. He waited for her for hours and by the time she was arriving, he had already received the call that all had gone well with the surgery. On asking her why she was so late, she told him that she had to wash her clothes as they had piled up for too long and she would never get any other free time.He was disappointed, he wanted to yell at her and complain about other incidents like that one but at that moment, he was just happy to have her with him for needed someone to hold and feel safe with.

The final memory was of the last day of Kim’s and HER’s relationship. This was not a memory that Kim remembered. From the moment it started playing, his attention was undivided. It was in the afternoon, the midday sun was as harsh as ever.He had just got from class and was taking his afternoon nap. Once it was evening, he just got up, washed his face and dried it slowly in front of the mirror. He walked over to her apartment, past the caretaker who was left staring at him as she had approached him for conversation. He got to the door and knocked.

Kim, in the apartment, standing before the screen, shut his eyes , the memory of that evening came back to him.

‘Ni mimi’ He replied, breaking protocol. Once she opened it, he forced himself in and took a sit. ‘Keti’, he said to her. He emptied his mind on her. Every thought that he had hidden from her. Everything he had wanted to say but was too afraid to and eventually, ended the relationship. He then got up and walked out. She was left at her seat wondering what had just happened.

As the memory played in front of his shut eyes,tears started falling from under his eyelids. He was strongly fighting the urge to cry. He himself couldn’t tell exactly why he was crying. He had mixed emotions. It could have been because of the cruel words he said to her on that evening or it could have been caused by the buildup of seeing the entire relationship laid out before him and the conclusion that made him feel like tonnes of weight had been lifted off his chest or it could have been something else entirely.

The other got up and walked to Kim’s side while facing the screen. The two shadows stood in silence.

‘Hii time yote..’The other started but was interrupted for about a minute by his own loud and intense coughing. He had grown extremely thin, as if he was slowly diffusing into the air. ‘Hii time yote,….hujaniuliza mimi ni nani,…I think unajua but….nataka kuisema....mimi mwenyewe…mimi ni idea yako ya vile ulikuwa kitambo…..time unadhani ulikuwa a better person than vile uko sahi.But nataka kuamini pia ati mimi ni mimi…. Kivyangu…. nikona independent thoughts na ideas zangu….I think ulisurpress a lot of yourself kwa hii relationship,ukacompromise ideas na beliefs zenye zilikuwa zinakudefine that ilifika point yenye hukujua wewe ni nani anymore.Uliend up kuwa na a lot of self doubt na self hate ndio maana mimi nikashow up.Kuongea ukweli,sidhani either mimi ama wewe ndio the real you ama the real us,I think umego through vitu zinakufanya ukuwe different from me but pia umepoteza vitu zenye zinanifanya nikuwe different na wewe.I think the real you ni kenye unakuwa na kenye utakuwa.So jaribu kuheal from this juu hakuna makosa ulifanya,ilikuwa tu with the wrong person. Usiwache hii relationship ikubadilishe,learn na grow from it but usiwache ibadilishe venye unaona maisha.’ Kim looked at him as he spoke, his eyes still watery.The other then picked the remote and continued scrolling through the memories.

‘Unaona kama…..huyo dem aliwahi…..nipenda....like.…vile mimi nilimpenda?’ Kim asked.The other stopped and looked at him. ‘Kuongea ukweli sijui,sidhani kuna njia ya kujua, kuna watu hawajui tu kupenda….. lakini…. kitu I think iko clear ni ati love, kupenda mtu, sio enough.’ The other then passed the remote to Kim. ‘Kuna memory moja ya mwisho nataka ucheki, hii ni one of my favorites.’ Kim pressed play.

It was of when he was in high school. He was in one of those ‘privatized’ public schools where the teachers did whatever they want. He was just about to be caned by a teacher holding a one-meter PVC pipe. That was just another Monday in that school. Kim had just dozed off in class during the morning prep because he had spent the previous night studying.That was what he was being punished for. The teacher was asking him to lie down and he refused. He tried to explain himself but it was met by a slap across his face. Kim snapped and punched the teacher hard in the stomach making him stagger and fall on the ground. It was the only punch he had ever thrown in his life beside the countless that he and his brother exchanged when they were children. That specific teacher was widely hated for abusing his position and so Kim was forced to leave the school for he had become some sort of student hero. His dad was furious. Kim smiled as he watched that clip. He turned to speak to The other but he wasn’t there. There was only one shadow left. The screen then went off like an old television set.

Kim opens his eyes.He is in his bed.He gets up,gently places his bare feet on the cold floor and sits on the bed.He stares at the wall for sometime before looking ahead.

THE END.