I am loyal.

Above everything else I am loyal.

I have been Tyler's best friend since forever. We've been though a hell of a lot. When ever one of us was in trouble the other was always there. He had my back as much as I had his. There's this period of our lives that our parents tried to keep us apart. They took away our phones and grounded us telling us to stay away from each other. All because we beat some kid up because he was harassing a poor kid. We tried explaining but it was no use and we got separated. But not for long. We deviced a plan and soon we'd sneak out and hang out and be back before our parents knew it. It went on for a while till my stupid sister ratted us out. We got yelled at but they gave up separating us all together just told us to stay out of trouble.

We did.

We did our best, but once in a while we'd end up doing stupid shit. It's life. We eventually made more friends along the way. It's a small circle but we've got each other's backs.

Like I said, I'm loyal. I'm loyal to all my friends.

But things lately...

Not just lately. For the past year my loyalty has been tested in more ways than one.

When Column showed up last year I thought we got an addition to our small circle of friends.

I was wrong.

I don't know exactly what went down but after a month of Column hanging out with us one day Tyler and Column strolled in the hallways holding hands. My mind went frantic. Why? Why did it have to be him? Why couldn't it have to be me?

I mean yes I was shy and never told him how I felt, I mean who would, I was scared shitless. He was amazing to me and still is. He's kind, passionate about things and he's nice to me. Stupid reasons why I love him. I mean we have too much in common, we did shit together a lot and I liked the memories we had. They kept me tossing and turning in bed most nights and when I did sleep I dreamt of him. It overwhelmimed me, my feelings for him. I never knew I could love someone this much.

The slightest touch felt comforting. His presence made me smile like an idiot even when I was having the worst day imaginable. He knew things about me that people really didn't know or see. He had me right in his palms and I could care less about what he did with me as long as he was smiling.

Even if that smile was directed to his boyfriend and not me.

Like right now, I can barely look at them so I stared holes in my food as I listened to them coo at one another. Everyone else was in deep conversation with eachother at the table and I just sat there lost. Every time I looked up it would hurt even more. They made heart eyes at each other his face pink. He looked adorable, I just wanted to climb across this God damn table and kiss him senseless. Shit I'm an idiot. I should have hidden in the library like I always did so I would have to endure seeing them sucking face. He said something then chuckled.

I was done for.

I was at my limit. If I sat here any longer I'd just die, of jealousy and his cuteness. Or I'd just punch the shit out of his boyfriend and carry him out of here bridal style and make sweet love to him until his voice got sore screaming my name. I could just see it now. His perfect body laid out for the taking. I'd mark that perfect golden brown skin and make sure every one knew he was mine. Fuck.

"Earth to Grey." Tyler called breaking me out of my dirty thoughts.

"Excuse me what?" I blinked keeping a neutral expression. I was so good at hiding my feelings. I mean for as long as I've been doing it I've become a pro.

"I was telling you," Tyler rolled his eyes playfully, "Column's parents will be away in for a week so the gang was gonna spend the break over at his house. I will be like a week long sleepover, will you come?" He said excitedly.

I looked around the table. Everyone was looking at me hopefully and sceptically. I understood why. Lately it was getting hard for me to be around Tyler and Column. It's like the longer they are together the deeper my feelings got and I know. I fucking know that I shouldn't be feeling this way, I should be working overtime to get over him. But he just does this one thing, it doesn't matter if I had been good the whole week tried to stay away from him or tried my best not to think of him, it wouldn't matter. Not even a little because he'd just have to do one small thing like smile at me or our skin to touch even accidentally to have me falling for him all over again. It's draining. So I just stayed away as much as I could. And I think that's the reason why right now every one is looking at me with hopeful eyes.

"Sure I'm down." I said nonchalantly and watched everyone's face light up including his and my heart did that flip thing again.

Fuck me.